To not want to let the little thug take over the trampoline (but I did)

[CrowsInMyGarden]

Lighthearted. Sort of. Took my 2 year old granddaughter to soft play today. She was happily bouncing on the very small trampoline. Little boy, I'd say about 2, gets on and shouts "my turn" and starts jumping. Earlier on granddaughter happily shared the trampoline with another little girl, even though I'd say it was really just meant for 1 child (it's small) - they were both giggling and copying each other but this little guy made it clear he wasn't into sharing and wanted my GD Off. Started hitting and pushing her. I told him "don't hit her" in my best serious granny voice then his mum came over, apologised and got him off but then they came back about a minute later and they just stood there watching my GD bounce, with him screaming "my turn, my turn". After she had been on there for a few minutes more I picked her up and said "come on, we'll go on the slides" but AIBU for thinking why stand there and intimidate us? Perhaps intimidate is a bit of a strong word but there was a whole big softplay to go play in why not go play in it? I gave into his demands and regret it!

So there is a question here. If you took your child to a soft play or toddler group and they were playing with something that belonged to the centre and another child came along demanding a turn what would you do? I guess I'd say "no, XX is playing with it" but then if she hogged it for too long encourage her to play with something else. It has been years since I've mingled with other people's kids and I think I am way more protective of my GD that I was of my own little ones.

Out of interest, how long do you think is acceptable? 5 mins? 10 mins? Stay on it all afternoon?

Also I’ve just realised that the ‘thug’ you’re referring to in your title is the 2 year old. Aren’t you a delight. Talk about throwing stones from inside your glass house

Did you miss this part "but then they came back about a minute later and they just stood there watching my GD bounce, with him screaming "my turn, my turn" "?

My little one would have been guided away by this point.

This is where the ‘he’s 2’ comes in. Of course that’s not polite, presumably his mother was dealing with that. But 2 year olds saying ‘it’s my turn’ to each other is pretty normal stuff. It doesn’t mean it is his turn straight away, but we need to help children negotiate these social struggles fairly. If these children were on a play date wanting to play with the same toy, most parents would get them to take turns. This is no different. It sounds like the OP’s DGD had been on the trampoline for long enough, allowing our children to hog toys and equipment isn’t teaching them anything helpful either.

No, if your child is standing beside another child screaming at them "my turn my turn" then as a parent, you go over and deal with it. And no, his mother wasn't dealing with it, the pp said that.

The parent was already there, she didn’t need to go over. We don’t know the details of what the parent was doing to deal with the child, and we don’t need to. It isn’t up to us to micromanage other people’s parenting, our responsibility is to ensure our own children behave correctly. Waiting for a turn in and of itself a bad thing.

Quite possibly this other parent was wondering why OP wasn’t managing her GD to ensure she wasn’t hogging the equipment. If the OP genuinely felt that her GD hadn’t had a fair turn yet then ignore them and carry on until she has. It’s not complicated.

This.

Sounds like the mother's thoughts were this too, hence why she stood and waited. He had to wait, his mother did right diatracting him with something else. Now it was his turn. Sounds like you hogged the trampoline a bit too long.

The parent was there but standing watching her child shout my turn my turn at another child. Personally that's not behaviour I'd stand back and let my child direct towards another child.

You're making things up. How do you know that the OPs DGD was hogging the equipment? It's says that nowhere. She had previously shared the equipment with another child, perhaps at the start of the session? We don't know it doesn't say. I wish people knew how to parent properly and prepare their children to be polite, considerate people. It's not complicated.

I’m not making stuff up any more that you are by describing the parent’s actions as if you were there.

Try reading the OP. We know that the GD was bouncing on the trampoline before the boy came along and tried to push in. Removed by mother, then returned ‘about a minute’ later to wait. GD then bounced for ‘a few more minutes’ before getting off. So in total say around 5 minutes. It’s up to the OP to judge but it doesn’t sound like an unreasonable amount of time to me.

I took my grandchildren to soft play today and put some money in the roundabout for my grandaughter to have a ride and a mum came over with her 2 kids and they had a free ride. Mum didn't ask if I would mind. I didn't but that's not the point

Makes sense to get your money's worth though 😂. 3 children rather than one having fun.

I don't feel easy to vote one way or another. One the one hand you don't want bullies to get their own way. On the other hand, you have to know how long the one enjoying it has had so far.

I think trampolines have to be monitored closely if they belong to a play group and/or open to the public. It is a chance for very young children to learn about time taken.

If they are taught to form a queue, and there is a big sign like a clock, with a noise like a cooking timer, set at zero each new child and when the bell rings, they get off and the next in line has a go.

If they are not prepared to do that, don't use it.

It isn't rocket science, is it?

I use the timer on my phone for my DD, it usually works, and say to GD if she's been on a while "1 more minute, then bye bye trampoline. No kid can argue with an alarm that keeps going off till they do what you both agreed to. I know they're only 2 yo, but we need to set clear boundaries as soon as possible to prevent incidents like this happening, it's so hard though, I struggle with my 4yo! Sounds like it wasn't your GD that was the problem, the other boy sounded like a right little brat, Wish the parent of the other child thought of doing that, rather than just standing there, not doing anything 🤷‍♀️😖🙄

You do need clear boundaries at that age. Two is the time when they start to test their mothers - not so much the fathers, they want their approval - to see how far they can go before she looses her cool. They will do anything, little beggars, to see just how long it takes before they have to stop doing whatever.

It is a milestone, and if you let them go on long enough, they will grow up thinking they can rile you for a long time. Don't fall for it. At two they are cunning. It is natural, built in by mother nature to mould a character which, although they don't know it, is self protecting.

Maybe they could hire bouncers? Might be an idea to potty train them first though

I think the main thing is he is two 🫣. Two years olds aren’t programmed to share nor are they gifted with reason and patience however it seems like your little granddaughter has a lovely personality and is more open to learning to share. Sounds like your granddaughter had had her fair share of the trampoline but I certainly wouldn’t have made her get off right away, but once the child was removed by his parent waiting for his turn wasn’t unreasonable she’s showing him to wait for his turn, but I would have made a conscious effort to let my daughter have a few more bounces and then said it was the little boys turn, not taking too long as at 2, children will only wait so long. I certainly wouldn’t think twice about them waiting and watching till their turn. Xx

He acted like a 2 year old but the mother should have distracted him to play with something else.

I wouldn’t make my daughter get off something she was enjoying just because another child wanted a turn. (Also 2)

It’s not intimidating to stand and wait for a go! You see someone waiting you warn GC it’s the last couple of minutes and then you swap.

The issue was with the hitting and pushing but the mum intervened and removed him.

Sounds like your Gd had been on it a while so the other mum and child came and let you know they were waiting for a turn by standing near it.
You then took the hint, got her off and let them have a go.
Apart from the lad hitting initially (not great but he's a toddler!!) it sounds like everything happened exactly as it should.

But his mum intervened when he was hitting and removed him. That is the lesson on not hitting.

They turn returned after he'd calmed down and waited normally. For his turn.

The girl had already had a long enough go a while ago that meant another girl had to share with her even though op openly admits it was really only for 1 child at a time. This was her second go, which included enough time for the mum to remove and calm her child and return. So more than long enough.

The kids are 2 FFS, mum had removed him, calmed him and he was waiting properly. The girl had plenty of time on it so it's perfectly ok for him to have a go. They all need to learn to take turns.

This.

He is literally standing there waiting for a go. How is that intimidating? 😂 It might be awkward if your GD isn't ready to get off but it's up to you to decide if she's already been on it for a reasonable amount of time and it's time to let another child have a turn.

Wow what rubbish.
I have a boy. My friend has a girl.
she is given whatever she wants. Never has to share or wait. My son has been in tears before because my friend allows her daughter to do whatever she wants and not share things.

If you’ve been sitting on a table for an hour with a tea long since finished then one of the staff might ask you to move!

it all depends on how long is either officially allowed or is the socially acceptable norm. An adult comparison is the gym. People who do an hour’s run on a machine where use is 15 minutes in busy times. In this scenario I’d approach and say I wanted to use the machine when they were done. If 15 minutes later they were still on it, I remind them of the rule and ask them to get off.

A quick look suggests that these two aren't qualified child psychologists or developmental specialists unless 8m missing something (likely considering I have only googled them briefly). But my two year old absolutely does understand the concept of turn taking and so do many that I know (quite a few as at that stage obvs). She also doesn't see giving someone else a turn as 'a loss' as she often watches other children play on a piece of equipment using it differently from her and then has another go doing it their way so it benefits her too.

I'm not one for instantly capitulating if another child wants a turn, but to say that two year old cannot share and therefore should be allowed to hog items is demonstrably untrue in many cases.

Eta I meant to quote the post with the link to the YouTube video! Sorry!