To not want to let the little thug take over the trampoline (but I did)

[CrowsInMyGarden]

Lighthearted. Sort of. Took my 2 year old granddaughter to soft play today. She was happily bouncing on the very small trampoline. Little boy, I'd say about 2, gets on and shouts "my turn" and starts jumping. Earlier on granddaughter happily shared the trampoline with another little girl, even though I'd say it was really just meant for 1 child (it's small) - they were both giggling and copying each other but this little guy made it clear he wasn't into sharing and wanted my GD Off. Started hitting and pushing her. I told him "don't hit her" in my best serious granny voice then his mum came over, apologised and got him off but then they came back about a minute later and they just stood there watching my GD bounce, with him screaming "my turn, my turn". After she had been on there for a few minutes more I picked her up and said "come on, we'll go on the slides" but AIBU for thinking why stand there and intimidate us? Perhaps intimidate is a bit of a strong word but there was a whole big softplay to go play in why not go play in it? I gave into his demands and regret it!

So there is a question here. If you took your child to a soft play or toddler group and they were playing with something that belonged to the centre and another child came along demanding a turn what would you do? I guess I'd say "no, XX is playing with it" but then if she hogged it for too long encourage her to play with something else. It has been years since I've mingled with other people's kids and I think I am way more protective of my GD that I was of my own little ones.

We have a tennis court in our neighborhood park. There are posted rules for playing time. E.g. if you arrive at x time, you have until x time to play on the court. My young teen DD and a friend arrived to play on the court and there was no one there, so by the posted rules, they had 30 minutes of court time. Our neighbor boy showed up 5 minutes later and when he saw them playing, she told him, 'we'll be done in 25 min'. He chose to stay and wait, watching them. DD and friend didn't mind him watching (they get along w/ him well enough). But a few minutes later boy's mom and her friend showed up. They started moaning that the girls weren't 'sharing' the court. They were huffing and puffing about 'leaving the boy out' and 'hogging the court'.

My DD, thankfully, knows neighbor has form for entitled behavior, so ignored her and her friend (it was all passive aggressive) and stayed until their time ran out, but it put a real sour note on what was supposed to be a fun afternoon w/ a friend.

It's that whole 'girls, you must be kind to the boys' mother brigade that really, really gets on my nerves. These women are actively trying to socialize girls to roll over and play dead for every boy's whim.

If they had been on it for a prolonged period I would state clearly it’s someone else’s turn and they had to get off. She was clearly hogging it.

To be fair your gd had been on there for quite a while if she had already shared with another child, then had a bounce on her own then with the little boy. So maybe it way time for her to move on to another area.

If GD has been on it a few minutes it was time to move on . The little boy misbehaved and his mum taught him to wait his turn - she wasn’t intimidating you - she was doing her job . It’s normal to wait for a turn on this kind of equipment . You moved and he learnt that if he waited nicely he got a turn - on his own !

Sounds as though it was the other child’s turn and two year olds don’t ‘intimidate’

Shared equipment in shared spaces has to be shared fairly. What is "fair" depends on the circumstances but when you're dealing with 2yos, I would say a fair go is not usually going to be longer than a few minutes.

For posters (admittedly not the OP) who don't think their children should ever have to give up something they're playing with to allow someone else a turn, may I suggest that communal play spaces are probably not for you.

The poster’s point that the little boy is 2 years old is a complete point in itself.

What was the point in your comment? What’s your actual point around a fact?

So your GD had been on the trampoline for a while when the other toddler came over on his own to ask for (demand) a turn. Your GD refused to get off to let him have a turn, and he got frustrated and tried to push her off. Obviously not OK to push, but pretty common for a frustrated 2yo.

The mum then came over and removed him, presumably had words about not pushing, and explained that the correct thing to do is que up and wait for a turn.

Are you saying you wish you had told your GD to continue hogging the trampoline as revenge for the other toddler pushing?

calling little boys thugs (and little girls princesses) becomes a self fullfilling prophecy imo.

Also it was somebody else's turn.

And the person who has come out top in all of this is the other mum.

You get her off, then stand with her yourself waiting for the end of his turn.

Sauce for the 🪿

This is spot on. I really don't understand when posters expect their kids to learn to share unless it starts from toddler hood (and I'm not talking about prized possessions here). Do they think they'll suddenly have a dawning realisation one day when they're older without any parental input. If so then god help society!

Yabu.....even 3 minutes to a 2 year old feels like a lifetime.....

A few minutes feels like an eternity to a two year old, so I think it was definitely the right thing to move your GD on to something else and let him have a go.

I get you probably felt aggravated because he hit/ pushed etc, but he's just a baby really.

Waiting for a turn is normal imo.

Your GD sounds like a bitch OP

Just matching your thug comment OP

But the parent was teaching him. She apologised, corrected him and then made him wait his turn. What more do you want to happen?!

You’re intimidated by a 2 year old?

I think YABU, there is only one rule at places like this and that’s everyone waits their turn, teach your little darling GD that next time

The mum probably took him away, calmed him down then agreed with him they'd come back and wait. They weren't intimidating you.

Also, how long was she on there? You said she was bouncing a few minutes after he came back to wait, so she'd been on there a while. The reasonable thing to do is to say 'you've had your turn let someone else have a go'.

At 2, they are not developmentally ready to be taught that. She is a pre-schooler now and has plenty of friends and is a very kind, caring friend herself. As she now has the self-awareness to understand the concept of taking turns, sharing etc, of course she does that (within reason)

It sounds like a lot of posters on here had been raised to be people pleasers and now passing it on to the next generation.

I think you just need to accept that soft play is the 7th circle of hell, grit your teeth and get on with it.

There will be kids that push, bite, throw equipment about that hurt your child and dominate trampolines/slides/ride ons. Wait two years and that kid will be yours and they be doing it to a younger kid and you’ll want to crawl into a hole as the parent of the smaller kid will give you daggers. Then they’ll get to an age where they no longer do soft play and you’ll be infinitely delighted.

I don't agree with this at all. There's so much emphasis on teaching children to 'share' in a way we'd never expect adults to do. Imagine you were in a coffee shop, settled with one of the complimentary newspapers, would you expect to hand it over to someone who's just come in and decided they wanted it? It's fine to encourage children to take turns, but not to give something up just because someone else fancies it.

Did you see the bit where I said "it depends how long your granddaughter had been on it"?