To not want to let the little thug take over the trampoline (but I did)

[CrowsInMyGarden]

Lighthearted. Sort of. Took my 2 year old granddaughter to soft play today. She was happily bouncing on the very small trampoline. Little boy, I'd say about 2, gets on and shouts "my turn" and starts jumping. Earlier on granddaughter happily shared the trampoline with another little girl, even though I'd say it was really just meant for 1 child (it's small) - they were both giggling and copying each other but this little guy made it clear he wasn't into sharing and wanted my GD Off. Started hitting and pushing her. I told him "don't hit her" in my best serious granny voice then his mum came over, apologised and got him off but then they came back about a minute later and they just stood there watching my GD bounce, with him screaming "my turn, my turn". After she had been on there for a few minutes more I picked her up and said "come on, we'll go on the slides" but AIBU for thinking why stand there and intimidate us? Perhaps intimidate is a bit of a strong word but there was a whole big softplay to go play in why not go play in it? I gave into his demands and regret it!

So there is a question here. If you took your child to a soft play or toddler group and they were playing with something that belonged to the centre and another child came along demanding a turn what would you do? I guess I'd say "no, XX is playing with it" but then if she hogged it for too long encourage her to play with something else. It has been years since I've mingled with other people's kids and I think I am way more protective of my GD that I was of my own little ones.

I usually say something to DS like "10 more jumps, then it's this little girls' turn". If he's the one waiting I wait for a minute and then start making comments like "I'm sure this little boy will be off in a second and then it will be your turn" - usually gets them off!

Haha I’m guilty of the “I’m sure it’ll be your turn soon” comments as well. And the mum of this little boy (little boy, not thug 🙄) sounds like she was on the ball as she took him away and then came back to demonstrate how to wait his turn. Which he did. Thank god some adults teach their children to share…

I think this is a perfect way to deal with the situation from both sides.

I’d have just moved GC off to get away from the other kid. I couldn’t have stood there listening to him going on and on.

If he didn't stand there waiting, it's likely your DD would suddenly run off and another child take her place. His presence was not to intimidate but to wait. My DS used to wait for a minute, run off and play elsewhere while still 'waiting' in his head then return and be furious that someone else took the turn while he was waiting. That was a difficult lesson to learn.

Most children at 2 will start shouting it's their turn as soon as they arrive but that shouldn't mean another child cuts their turn short either, they just have to be ignored and wait. I think 3 to 5 minutes is enough per child.

I also think it's ok for another parent or minder to intervene when necessary, 'no pushing, wait your turn' etc. A parent cant be there all the time and it's everyone's responsibility to teach them the rules.

You were obviously hogging the trampoline. Learn how to share

Standing there waiting for his turn is perfectly appropriate. How else would he ever get a go? 🤷🏻‍♀️

It sounds a little like you may have been ‘hogging’ the trampoline. He sounds like a normal 2 year old who hasn’t quite yet learned all his social skills. ‘Intimidated’ definitely the wrong word unless you’re seriously fragile.

What a huge overreaction calling a toddler a thug and writing a post on mn about it!
And them ‘intimidating’ you….you mean they were nicely waiting for a turn.
Geez OP, this is one of the most ridiculous posts I’ve ever read on this site and that is saying something.

If he's the one waiting I wait for a minute and then start making comments like "I'm sure this little boy will be off in a second and then it will be your turn" - usually gets them off!

That's very passive aggressive though…. Which is exactly what the OP was referring to - feeling intimidated.

As for a minute?
Arent children not allowed to play on an equipment fur more than a couple of minutes then?
If the child REALLY wants to play for longer on the trampoline, it’s ok to go away for a minute and then stand and be PA so they can have a turn again. Because a minute has passed and it’s enough?

He's not a thug, he's two. Get a grip. You were not intimidated by a two year old whose mum was stood right there making him wait for his turn.

Ah 2 yr olds are all nuts I think. You know what to get her for your house though. Sounds like she'll be set for ages.

They weren't standing there to intimidate you, she was teaching her very young DS how to wait for his turn rather than push in.

One person feeling rushed off and item after a period is another person's hogging it - there was a "whole big soft play for you to play in," after all.

The other mum did a good job, she apologised and modelled good patient behaviour to him. You also handled it well, there's no problems.

I would let my toddler to play on it for as long as they wanted to. Toddlers don’t know how to share/take turns and they are not devtelopmentally ready to do so. It’s also beneficial for them not to constantly switch activities as they are less likely to learn from it that way. Yes, it’s controversial, but equipment in shared spaces is on first come first serve basis. Others will just have to wait. It’s unlikely any toddler would want to stay on it for more than 10 mins anyway given their attention span at this age. Here’s a really good podcast on this issue

Mum corrected, then he waiting his turn albeit impatiently. Sounds very normal for 2yos. In my opinion, when other kids are waiting, turns should be shorter at this age. A few more minutes is a long time for toddlers. Sounds like your GD could learn to take turns better too. She could have come back a few minutes later if she still wanted to play on the trampoline.

Rubbish. Pushing in was wrong, he was corrected, but it’s fine to wait for a turn. It’s a perfectly normal thing to do. If the soft play was busy then you’d never get a go if you weren’t prepared to wait for a bit, because there will be always someone on it.

I want my children to learn patience, but I’m actually trying to teach my son to stand his ground a bit more in a queueing situation, as he has a tendency to hang back politely while all the bullish children push in front of him. Funnily enough my daughter needs no such coaching. And it’s girls just as much as boys doing the pushing in.

I'm sorry but it sounds like your GD had been hogging the trampoline. He was probably fed up of waiting. If he saw her on there when the little girl went on. There's always that one thing all the kids want a go of before they go. You don't let them take as long as they like. You have to be considerate of other children and learn to share.

This.

Gently, OP, but your thinking is batshit. A two year old was not 'intimidating' you by waiting for his turn. Its a trampoline for one person so he was waiting for it to be free so he could go on. If they wandered off, someone would go on and he would miss his turn. Surely that is obvious.

Your daughter sounds like she had quite long enough on it and it was someone else's go.

Your language choice to describe a 2 year old boy is not great. I'm not buying your claim that you'd describe a 2 year old girl as a "thug". You're feeding into gender stereotyping by using words like thug and intimidating to describe a toddler. You clearly expect poor behaviour from boys. Equally you're expecting good behaviour from girls, as demonstrated by the way you describe your GD playing with the other (female) child. Girls are often corrected much more for displaying unwanted behaviours which is just as bad as the boys will be boys attitude that expects so little from boys. If a little girl had behaved like the little boy would you have felt so intimidated that you posted on MN? I doubt it.

My second child would be more than happy to accept something is being played with, he would go and play with something else and come back later or forget. My first would have probably stood there crying until she got a turn - and yes, I'd try to convince her to play on something else, come for a cuddle, have a drink or snack. Different personalities!
Lots of toddlers get fixated on things like that - I've given in too quickly with swings ect only for the parent not do let my child have another go after their kids has 5 mins 🙄

😬 your toddler will end up Billy No Mates if you’re not careful! No, toddlers don’t know how to share, which is why we teach them!

I know a mum like you and her poor son doesn’t get many playdate invites as she isn’t teaching him how to pleasantly socially interact with others. Not doing him any favours, I’m afraid!

They need taught how to act at that age. Which the parents weren't doing. Which is part of the OPs point.

To answer your question OP, I'd say to my child 'no, the little girl is playing with that justnow, you have to wait your turn"'.

I think the mum had handled this. She removed him when he was being disruptive and made him wait his turn.
I get my children to wait all the time by the swings in the summer at the park. If you don't stand and wait someone will stay on it forever. Also if you go off and do something else, the child never gets a turn as by the time you go back to the item someone else is then on it. I usually give around 5 mins and if their parent isn't there to say to the child there is a queue I start loudly saying to my own child 'well done for waiting, I am sure it's going to be your turn soon'.
Maybe this is intimidating, but it's also very frustrating when one person is hogging something despite knowing others would like a turn.

Its probably the Mum they are avoiding as much as the child. No one is going to want to be pals with a Mother who thinks their child trumps everyone else's.

Basic social skills and consideration are required to form friendships after all.