To not want to let the little thug take over the trampoline (but I did)

[CrowsInMyGarden]

Lighthearted. Sort of. Took my 2 year old granddaughter to soft play today. She was happily bouncing on the very small trampoline. Little boy, I'd say about 2, gets on and shouts "my turn" and starts jumping. Earlier on granddaughter happily shared the trampoline with another little girl, even though I'd say it was really just meant for 1 child (it's small) - they were both giggling and copying each other but this little guy made it clear he wasn't into sharing and wanted my GD Off. Started hitting and pushing her. I told him "don't hit her" in my best serious granny voice then his mum came over, apologised and got him off but then they came back about a minute later and they just stood there watching my GD bounce, with him screaming "my turn, my turn". After she had been on there for a few minutes more I picked her up and said "come on, we'll go on the slides" but AIBU for thinking why stand there and intimidate us? Perhaps intimidate is a bit of a strong word but there was a whole big softplay to go play in why not go play in it? I gave into his demands and regret it!

So there is a question here. If you took your child to a soft play or toddler group and they were playing with something that belonged to the centre and another child came along demanding a turn what would you do? I guess I'd say "no, XX is playing with it" but then if she hogged it for too long encourage her to play with something else. It has been years since I've mingled with other people's kids and I think I am way more protective of my GD that I was of my own little ones.

They're 2 years old 🙄

Depends how long your granddaughter had been on it. I also think it's fine to teach her to share and that it's someone else's turn after a few minutes 🤷🏻‍♀️

Although saying that if the boy was mine I would have distracted him with something else, not just stood there!

I think if your daughter had been on it for “a few minutes” then it was the other child’s turn.

Haha, age old drama this, isn't it. Soft play can be quite political.

I think we all try to be fair, but there's inevitably an element of favouring your own child/ grandchild.

I get what you mean about them hovering nearby being annoying, but I'm guessing he'd have thrown a tantrum if his mum tried to remove him.

I get it's light hearted, but would you have called a little girl who did the same thing a "thug"? :/
I hate the narrative that boys are brash and loud and girls are little princesses. At 2, they've not even got any testosterone yet!

Were you letting other kids have a turn? You said it was for one person. Did the other little girl have to share because you were letting GD hog it?

It’s fine for them to wait if they want a go on an item. A few minutes is generally a long enough slot for a piece of playground type equipment. He obv didn’t wait very patiently- presumably because he is 2 - if I was his carer I’d be saying “we just need to wait, little girl is having her go now”. But it’s normal for other kids to be clamouring or hovering.

Sounds like you did the right thing - made sure your child had more of a play then moved her off to let the child waiting have his turn.

YANBU - even if he’s only very young, the boy’s mother shouldn’t have effectively rewarded his pushing by bringing him back for another turn.

I see this ALL the time - girls being taught to share and boys being encouraged to take up as much space as possible. It starts in infancy - there’s loads of research on it.

She had a.ready had time on it and the boy waited. It was time for her to move on and let another child play.

After she had been on there for a few minutes more

I'm with him.

@GloriousBlue Yep. I called him a thug because he was pushing and hitting not because he was a boy. Girls can be thugs too. I know they're only 2 so I am joking!

YABU for calling a two year old a thug. And for being 'intimidated' by same two year old.

These things happen. The mum intervened. 🤷🏻‍♀️

‘A few minutes’ means that it’s the end of her turn. This happens all the time at soft plays/the playground/rides etc. where there are certain things that can only fit one child at a time. I often have to remind my oldest that he’s had his turn and to give another child a go.

I don’t think them standing there waiting for you to finish is ‘intimidating’. I do this when I feel that one child has had a long enough turn and there are other children waiting for a turn.

I agree that the boy shouldn’t have pushed her, but it sounds like the mum intervened quickly and removed him from the situation.

And?

When my children are fixated on going onto a piece of equipment, doesn't matter how many times I try and distract them to go on something else they will patiently wait their turn, as they desperately want to go into it.

I think you pitched this right and so did his mum, he was told it was unacceptable to hit and then came over and waited for his turn. Your GC needs to understand the art of taking turns and sharing too.

I'd allow DGC to use it for a few minutes then tell her it was someone else's turn and take her off to use another part of the huge soft play centre. It's a balance. You don't want to teach them they always need to give way and stand aside, but at the same time they need to know that when toys are 'for everyone' they can't monopolise them. How long before you make them share the toy is a judgement call in the moment.

Sounds like your grand daughter been on it a long time if the other little girl been on it too. You take turns re equipment and doesn't sound like you are. Yabu re the word thug. They are two!

i suspect the mum removed her son, spoke to him about waiting his turn, and then returned to wait their turn!

Sounds more passive aggressive than intimidating imo. I personally would have distracted my kids with something different. Equally if I knew there was another 2 year old right there waiting to play and struggling with waiting I’d encourage my child to move onto something else and let them have a turn rather than another few minutes (a lot to a 2 year old on a tiny trampoline/waiting to go on something).

@Londonrach1 It was about an hour ago that she was playing with the little girl on it. We'd been on all the other stuff and she came back for another go.

Two year olds aren’t thugs. They do struggle to articulate themselves in a socially acceptable way when they’re frustrated though.

Sounds like the mother dealt with the hitting by taking him away. She may well have spoken to him in that moment as well and the “punishment” of being taken away from it would have been enough for a 2yo.

Standing by the trampoline and waiting for their turn is pretty standard. No he didn’t cope well because he’s 2! The mother made him wait.

Say it’s light hearted all you want but calling him a thug is not particularly pleasant.

If it’s busy, then read the room and let others have a go. Sounds as if you let your granddaughter stay on longer than was polite in a public play space…

I'm with you on this. Although only two years old, he needs to learn he can't just demand things and hit, push or upset people when things don't go his way.

I would have let my child stay on as long as she liked after that 😆

OP this happens all the time at my local playground! My 2 year old son has been on both sides of this (wanting a turn when a younger one is on, and being pushed off by older kids!).

With shared items like this, they really only get 1 minute each. Doesn't feel like long but then they can come back for lots more turns if you're there for a while.

I usually say something to DS like "10 more jumps, then it's this little girls' turn". If he's the one waiting I wait for a minute and then start making comments like "I'm sure this little boy will be off in a second and then it will be your turn" - usually gets them off!