First dates... splitting the bill.

[NovemberMorn]

Is it unreasonable to expect the male to pay the full bill on a first date dining out?
I watch the programme 'First Dates' on TV, and it amazes me how, in this day and age, so many women either don't offer to split the food bill, or mutter something half-heartedly as the man gets his cc out, obviously not expecting to pay a penny.

We live in a world where many people, of both sexes, see each other as slot machines.

Personally I prefer to be equals and that does not make me low class, low income, out dated, or low value. We're all individuals we all have our own personal preferences.

Why is different people having different opinions a problem?

I'm sorry, but that is totally illogical to offer to split the bill and if he takes you up on your offer then that's it's he's crossed a line.

Do you tell him that you'll pick up the tab for the second date or is he supposed guess? What's the difference in splitting the bill from two dates as opposed to one person pay the tab for date one, and the other person pay the tab for date two?

Because the guy's previous date the woman could have suggested to split the bill for reasons as stated in the comments about not wanting to feel they owe him anything (which I totally understand btw), so the guy might think this is the modern way of dating and then he meets you with your mindset that any circumstances the man doesn't pick up the bill is totally unacceptable.

You sound offended by her seeking somebody compatible.

You have not answered the question - why is different people having different opinions an issue?
If a man sees women as people then why is it a problem that we do not all think the same?

So he goes on dates with two different women with different preferences.

So?

Why should there or would there be consistency of opinion?

Why is all women not having a hive mind “a problem”?

Do you not view women as human?

That’s not women’s problem though is it?

I think the majority on here - and in my experience - think the man usually offers to pay and then the woman either offers to contribute which he does or doesn’t accept, or she lets him pay without offering to split.

But then he's not doing something that he's comfortable with, he is playing a game to win a second date. Just do what you want, I'll do what I want, if we don't mesh we dont mesh- that's life.

But treating me in a particular way because that's what a previous date suggested, rather than because he wants to do it is barmy.

Snap x2!

Exactly this.

I don't want to be in a relationship with someone where we're constantly talking about who owes what, dividing bills or one does a food shop and you're pinging money back and forth. Just alternate and it all comes out in the wash. I can't be bothered to concentrate on who owes who

Well obviously in a relationship most people would not want that but a first date is different.

Yes you’re with a stranger who isn’t responsible for bankrolling your food bill

You see this is such a surface level way of thinking about it

When women say they want the man to pay, it's nothing to do with money, or getting free food or drink....it's because ultimately most women like men who are capable of providing. It's not a fashionable view nowadays I grant you.

I think men should only offer to pay if they are comfortable doing so and not to generate a particular response from women or out of social obligation.

If a man offered to pay on a date back when I was dating, I would have said something like “Are you sure? That’s very kind/generous of you”. This was to check he genuinely wanted to pay as I’d rather split than have him do so out of social obligation. I’d then thank him for paying and would form a positive opinion of him.

However, as others have said, if I had no romantic feelings for him I would insist on splitting at this point.

If he didn’t offer to pay, I’d just pay my half happily with no issue. I wouldn’t form a bad opinion of him - I just might suspect he wasn’t that keen.

Some PP’s are suggesting this is all too hard for poor men - but I don’t see how this is. Offer to pay if you genuinely want to treat the other person. If you don’t, then don’t. If you offer to pay and she insists on splitting, then split. There isn’t a formula to dating - just be genuine and respectful.

I’m nearly 60 so this isn’t a new way of thinking and actually it seems you get women have more entitlement than us older ones.

I disagree - many women do judge a man by money and that sense of entitlement is strong to think a stranger paying for dinner means they’re a provider. Many women want to be treated as an equal from the start and sitting on their hands when the bill arrives is appalling manners

*younger women

But it makes a man look awkward when a bill is being split which consequently makes him look weak...most women couldn't care less if they get a free plate of lasagne or not. They care about what it represents. And you talk of equality...when a man is alone in a room for the first time with a woman he's dating, does he need to worry about his own physical safety, does he need to hope she won't rape and murder him? Does he need to worry that he'll get pregnant and she'll fuck off leaving him to have an abortion or raise a child alone. Dating will never be an equal playing field.

Oh and I can understand a billionaire with private jets and yachts being cautious about women using him for money...but it's laughable how many totally normal average men have convinced themselves that buying a woman a pizza and a glass of wine is them being fleeced by a gold digger.

If a man is so insecure that a woman offering a contribution to the bill makes him look awkward and weak then that’s his issue to deal with and that’s pretty pathetic imo.

Ive never not offered to split a bill - 9 times out of 10 it’s refused - but I’ve never seen a man who them felt awkward and weak because of it and even if I had, that’s not on me

I'm talking about the pettiness of the waiter coming over with the card machine and asking him to put £35.59 on one card and £35.59 on the other card or whatever. It's embarrassing

You’re easily embarrassed then because that’s absolutely normal in restaurants these days - regardless of whether it’s a date or dinner with friends, most people split and pay on separate cards.

But you had the steak and I had the chicken so can we make it £33.76 and £37.42? 😂

You must be incredibly judgey because there’s nothing embarrassing about that.