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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To move my brother to a cheaper care home?

153 replies

Rollwithitperhaps · 25/02/2025 17:32

My brother has vascular dementia and has been in a care home for over 2 years. He is self funding. I have had a few concerns - clothes going missing - no access to his daily regime now (used to have a folder in his room but have now gone digital and cannot get access). They must now be on their well into double digits as far managers are concerned since he’s been there. Just been notified today that his monthly fees will rise by £700 per month to £7300 pm. I’ve been told that if I move him he will deteriorate - he is settled there but largely unaware of very much - he knows my face but not my name or who I am. He only eats and sleeps really. Should I try to find somewhere cheaper that looks after his needs and risk him dipping or leave him where he is?

OP posts:
MaybeIamJealous · 03/03/2025 13:30

Not quite the same but we recently moved MIL from her care home. We had concerns but were told she was comfortable, happy, etc. Also, given her age and health concerns we weren't sure how much longer she had. In the end we made the decision to move her as a space came up in a home literally down the road from us, meaning we could visit more, keep a closer eye etc.

As it turns out, it was the best thing we could have done for her. She's had a new lease of life. Turns out the other care home were sedating her without us knowing. She's now alert and chatty and seems years younger. This place is also cheaper, but from what we've seen, cheaper isn't always worse.

SofaSpuds · 03/03/2025 13:32

RedHelenB · 03/03/2025 11:54

Moving him could upset him. Why are you only considering a cheaper home, to you want more money when he dies?

Maybe read the thread, and OP's posts before jumping to your incorrect conclusions @RedHelenB?

Also a little compassion and kindness goes a long way!!

Rollwithitperhaps · 03/03/2025 14:54

@ ComtesseDeSpair - Thank you for clarifying that for me - very much appreciated.

@redhelenb - I will get nothing from his estate regardless of when he dies - I am not a beneficiary of his will. If you would like to read back, you will see that, as his attorney, I do have to consider cost to ensure that his money lasts for as long as possible and he would not be forced to move further down the line when the council may decide not to fund his current home fees.

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