Kids noise vs neighbours: AIBU to think that there is so much you can do when you have young children?

[karpouzi]

We have three kids, all under the age of four, and live in a period maisonette spread over the first and loft floor. Currently, our entire family sleeps in the loft. The eldest two share a bedroom, while the baby is still in our room. On the first floor, we have the kitchen and living area, as well as a double room, which is currently set up as a playroom. We’ve always had a strict rule that our kids are not allowed on the first floor before 8 a.m., unless they’re having breakfast in the kitchen.
However, our downstairs neighbor has been repeatedly complaining about the noise, especially on weekends, saying that it’s disturbing her sleep. She sends us long messages almost every week. We’ve explained that we have a double rug in the playroom, and that the kids are not allowed in that room before 8 a.m., even though they wake up around 6:30 a.m. We also arrange swimming lessons to be at 9am in the weekend so the kids are out of the house. Unfortunately, this is all we can do to minimize the noise. Now, we face a new challenge: the baby will soon need his own room. Our plan is to move him into the boys' room in the loft, which is fairly small. We also plan to get new beds for the eldest two and convert the playroom into a bedroom where the boys will also have space for their toys. The boys typically wake up between 6:30 and 7 a.m., and with this new setup, they will need to stay in their bedroom in the mornings. I’m really concerned that the complaints from our neighbor will escalate. What do other people do in situations like this? I feel I m getting fed and I will start ignoring her messages.

Note: When we renovated our kitchen we did add floor noise insulation but we don’t have the money to do any further renovations at this stage.

Op search Amazon for foam floor tiles.

You know the type they have in soft play? They do them in all colours and all styles. They aren't just for babies. My teen son has large black ones that look sort of a metal texture. They're great under rugs for noise. Out them in the kids bedrooms. Personally I wouldn't have the children above my room, as I'm more worried about fire safety than whiney neighbours.

Plenty of nurseries are all year round and don't have school holidays? My daughter's doesn't.

Apologies if I have missed this but what flooring do you have down?

Its sound like OP is trying to reduce noise, sounds like it could be a old home converted into flats, so it's not built with the best sound-proofing. If the neighbour can hear them simply walking around, talking and opening/closing cupboards, then there's not much else that can be done as buildings soundproofing is terrible.

We can't all afford to live in detached houses where neighbours can't hear sound. They may have a large flat at a very good rental price.

yes mine are in a private one. Only the eldest one is a public one and he goes everyday to after school club and holidays in camps all day.

We were in a similar situation with our downstairs elderly neighbour who stopped saying "Hello" to me, when our eldest started crawling. She was retired, lonely and spent all her days in the flat with nothing to do but complain about other neighbours with small children to their rental agencies/council. Unfortunately there is no solution to this. We sold the flat and bought a semi with a garden. No stress anymore.

Well she's the fool who decided to move underneath a family of young kids what did she expect?! Is it social housing, private rental or owned? As long as the kids aren't screaming at the top of their lungs and banging as in jumping up and down on the floor then just crack on, you can't expect them to tiptoe round! Your rules already sound as strict as they could possibly be. If she doesn't like it tough shit she can move. Who is she complaining to? You or the owners?

@karpouzi I visited my elderly neighbour when we lived in a 19 th C terrace and I heard a sound that was like the party wall falling down.

I said “ What the heck is THAT?!”

She replied “ That’s your stove!”

My son was riddling the ash from the coals.

I had no idea it could possibly be a noisy - it is like old houses amplify noise.

I made sure to only riddle out the stove vigorously at normal times of day.

I don't think you've answered the question about carpets? What floor sound insulation did you put down? Proper boarding over / insultation / thick carpets will really help.

Finding it hard to believe that you can get two boys into the downstairs room but not a five foot bed. You can always keep your clothes upstairs (you mention wardrobes).

Sounds like you have bought your place? As you mentioned renovating the kitchen. Could you invest into some good sound proofing? I think for it to work really well it has to go under the floor boards. I think i may be called rock wool. Its because between your floor abd their ceiling its holloeong sbd that causes a sort of echo and the sound travels. If you could have sound proofing under the floor boards that would help alot.

How dare people breed of they can't afford a detached home on a few acres 😂

If people don't want the noise of small humans, the onus is on them to move to a home where children aren't allowed. A 55+ community or studio flats.

Yes we do own the place and it’s not the forever home. We are looking to move in 3-4 years to a bigger place but at this stage we are happy to stay where we are.

I feel for you. I had this when living in a converted flat. Any movement my son made they would be up angry complaining straight away. Even him walking up and down the landing angered them. Tried keeping him in our bed/up on sofa when he woke early mornings but being a toddler at the time he obviously liked to walk around. We ended up moving as we were fed up of trying to stop our toddler toddling about. Joke was they had a dog that would yap constantly. I should have asked them to stop their dog from barking as it would have been the same understanding level as trying to tell my 2 year old he's not allowed to walk about the flat.

I was going to suggest you moving into the playroom, but sounds like there is no space. Perhaps you can move the toy room upstairs to the boys bedroom and go with moving the older two downstairs. Then instruct them to go straight upstairs to play when they wake up? Assuming the baby will probably be up then anyway.

@karpouzi Go and visit your neighbour- you might be shocked at how noisy your family actually are .

I had no idea that my stove made so much noise as My neighbour was so blissfully quiet I assumed the walls were thick.

Neighbour probably is being disturbed a significant amount.

We are both owners. She bought the place recently. She said she knew that we have young kids but given that we were getting along very well with the previous owners she didn’t think having kids upstairs maybe be an issue for her.

Tell her not to worry, you've put an ad in the paper and the kids should be rehomed shortly.

There's not much you can do . She knew you had children . It sounds like your not even home that much.

My guess is there is wood flooring.

It sounds like you're doing the best you can. We've had students, yappy dogs and just generally noisy people living next door to us (under and next door) for 10+ years. As long as its not excessively early/late and you're keeping anything out of the ordinary, noise wise, down the best you can - I'm sorry, but it's her problem not yours.

You and your family should not be living in a perpetual state of ssshhhhhh for ANYONE.

Carpets!

Maybe you missed the bit where OP explains that the neighbour moved in knowing full well she was moving into ground floor flat underneath a maisonette with a family of five, including three young children.

It is lunacy to expect them to move if you don't like it.

The person who sold the downstairs flat was probably economical with the truth. ( re noise)

She probably wanted it sold asap s didn’t mention kid noise as being annoying ( overhead noise is especially irritating- it’s the vibration as well.

I think it would be a shame if your children can't relax in their own home and it sounds as though you get them out of the house as much as possible. Short of carpeting and laying thick rugs on top I can't think of anything else you could possibly do. The time has come for one of you to 'have a difficult conversation' with your neighbour, explain the lengths you've already gone to and is there anything else, realistically, that she thinks would help? Smile sweetly but don't be overly apologetic and she may decide it's time to move on. You could get new neighbours with young children and then life would be much simpler. PS please don't punish the children as suggested upthread!!

Brilliant solution I reckon. With 4 small kids in an old building on the higher floors it'll be a nightmare for the people below. But swapping your room and the playroom is great. Then tell the neighbour and be honest that you've made major changes to make life better for them, and this is as far as you can go, and you need them to now understand going forward you can't field ongoing constant complaints (which might not happen anymore given the room swap anyway).
I think that's fair for all of you...guess it's the reality of sharing a building and it is what it is. I think you're nice to really put thought into this but by the same token the room swap is the only real way to go.

We are planning to eventually move too but not for another 3-4 years. We love our place and the area we live in now but unfortunately way too expensive to buy a full terraced house 😩