Kids noise vs neighbours: AIBU to think that there is so much you can do when you have young children?

[karpouzi]

We have three kids, all under the age of four, and live in a period maisonette spread over the first and loft floor. Currently, our entire family sleeps in the loft. The eldest two share a bedroom, while the baby is still in our room. On the first floor, we have the kitchen and living area, as well as a double room, which is currently set up as a playroom. We’ve always had a strict rule that our kids are not allowed on the first floor before 8 a.m., unless they’re having breakfast in the kitchen.
However, our downstairs neighbor has been repeatedly complaining about the noise, especially on weekends, saying that it’s disturbing her sleep. She sends us long messages almost every week. We’ve explained that we have a double rug in the playroom, and that the kids are not allowed in that room before 8 a.m., even though they wake up around 6:30 a.m. We also arrange swimming lessons to be at 9am in the weekend so the kids are out of the house. Unfortunately, this is all we can do to minimize the noise. Now, we face a new challenge: the baby will soon need his own room. Our plan is to move him into the boys' room in the loft, which is fairly small. We also plan to get new beds for the eldest two and convert the playroom into a bedroom where the boys will also have space for their toys. The boys typically wake up between 6:30 and 7 a.m., and with this new setup, they will need to stay in their bedroom in the mornings. I’m really concerned that the complaints from our neighbor will escalate. What do other people do in situations like this? I feel I m getting fed and I will start ignoring her messages.

Note: When we renovated our kitchen we did add floor noise insulation but we don’t have the money to do any further renovations at this stage.

That's ridiculous. OP has a right to live normally in her house. The neighbour should be glad there's not a yappy dog, loud couple having regular social gatherings or someone letting the kids run around whenever they wake up.

When she moved in, she was aware we have 3 kids so it came as no surprise.

I'm pretty relaxed about neighbour noise, but there is no chance in hell I'd move in to a ground floor flat with a family of five above. She now has a choice to make, and if she can't cope with it then she might like to consider moving to a more suitable property for her.

The fact that she's texting you regularly and lengthily about what is nothing more than standard use of your home could be experienced as harrrassment. You shouldn't have to move around your house like a military operation, and be constantly clock watching, that is no way to live. I'd get some carpets down on the lower floor, smile and wave, and ignore it and carry on.

If she persists tell her you've done all you can do, and ask her to report her issues to the local council and then deal with them if and when they arrive. Which I really predict they won't because they have bigger fish to fry when it comes to noise complaints than a family living normally in their own home.

So weekdays the kids have breakfast at 7am and everyone is out of the house from 8am till 6:30-7pm that we finish work/nurseries. On the weekends usually they have breakfast at 7-7:30am and they start playing in the playroom at 8am on Sat and at 10:30am on Sunday after swim classes. She can hear the kids stamping, dropping toys, arguing over toys etc.

OP chose to have three childen in an environment where it was clearly going to be difficult to be a responsible neighbour

There is no reason she can't sleep in a bunk until the kids learn to behave quietly

The downstairs neighbours have as much right to a normal life as anyone else and if they are hearing lots of noise when separated by a floor I suspect it's quite loud

i would do that if i could but in the playroom i can only fit bunk beds so no option for me and my partner to move there.

You haven't said what floor coverings you have. If it's wood, laminate or tiles, it needs to be changed to very thick carpet with heavy underlay underneath.

Do me a favour. Anyone that moves in to a ground floor flat below a family of five and expects not to hear them isn't a full shilling.

OP I can't see if you've said if you have hard floors or carpet? If you have hard floors you need a carpet with special underlay pronto.

Try having the one child aged 3 run up and down in one small space for god knows how many days, because the mother doesn't take them out 🤦‍♀️ this was all day all evening until bed time.

We are generally very strict with them but still it’s a 2 & 4 year old. So they ll argue with each other and not always listen to us. The kids are 8-6:30 Monday to Friday in nursery and only weekends at home during the day.

they don't have the money. Hence, irrelevant

it’s not a matter of want or not. The room can only fit bunk beds downstairs. That’s why the kids have to go there.

What a ridiculously unhelpful comment.

Well, you and your OH will just have to sleep on bunk beds, won't you? Rather than risk upsetting the neighbour 😂.

I can imagine or maybe i don’t want to 😂 I would’t be able myself to have a 3 year old all day at home. haha Mine go to nursery 8-6:30 every day. So it’s only weekends that are home when we are not out & about.

Carpet is a must. Otherwise (or as well) go and listen downstairs to identify the particular noises they object to and take measures if you can.

How about you and your partner move into the living room, the kids have the two upstairs bedrooms and the playroom stays as a playroom?

It's not ideal but you can buy some really good sofa beds, if you don't have any cash right now, turn your bed into a makeshift sofa during the day. As long as you stay organised and tidy it can work really well.

Sorry, but how can't you fit a double bed in a double room?

But it's not though, is it?
That's during school term time.
I'm assuming the kids aren't in Nursery Monday to Friday during the numerous school holidays.

Do you have carpet throughout?

The way it’s laid out unfortunately no. It’s quite small and if you squeeze it somehow in you won’t be able to move around properly or open wardrobes etc.

I disagree. Yes the children should be aware of how much noise they're making, and face consequence for excess noise. But there is also a reasonable amount of noise that is simply unavoidable. Without being there it's impossible to know whether the neighbour is being reasonable in their expectations. OP seems to have taken many steps to diminish the impact, but the kids shouldn't be scared of walking inside their own home.

I have lived in flats most of my life so well acquainted with neighbour noises. I get the feel from OP's post that the neighbour expects "own house" levels of quiet while not living in a house...

I think it depends what the complaints are?

If they are just complaining about the sounds of normal life - eg the children walking about, talking, laughing etc - then that is unreasonable. But if they are complaining that the children are shouting/jumping/throwing toys about then that's fair enough and is something you can work on.

I sympathise though as I live in a flat with a toddler and it's difficult to know how the sounds come through to our neighbours, and also how much to try and change her behaviour to accommodate worries about the neighbours.

The eldest one is in school camps during school holidays and the other two in private nursery which they don’t have terms, it’s open all year round. When all three are out of nursery, it’s only to go on holidays.

Or some with a lot of children should move!
It’s lunacy to live in a flat upstairs with young children stamping about.

We lived in a terrace and that was bad enough when kids were at stamping about stage.

Period conversations are shockingly poorly sound insulated.