Kids noise vs neighbours: AIBU to think that there is so much you can do when you have young children?

[karpouzi]

We have three kids, all under the age of four, and live in a period maisonette spread over the first and loft floor. Currently, our entire family sleeps in the loft. The eldest two share a bedroom, while the baby is still in our room. On the first floor, we have the kitchen and living area, as well as a double room, which is currently set up as a playroom. We’ve always had a strict rule that our kids are not allowed on the first floor before 8 a.m., unless they’re having breakfast in the kitchen.
However, our downstairs neighbor has been repeatedly complaining about the noise, especially on weekends, saying that it’s disturbing her sleep. She sends us long messages almost every week. We’ve explained that we have a double rug in the playroom, and that the kids are not allowed in that room before 8 a.m., even though they wake up around 6:30 a.m. We also arrange swimming lessons to be at 9am in the weekend so the kids are out of the house. Unfortunately, this is all we can do to minimize the noise. Now, we face a new challenge: the baby will soon need his own room. Our plan is to move him into the boys' room in the loft, which is fairly small. We also plan to get new beds for the eldest two and convert the playroom into a bedroom where the boys will also have space for their toys. The boys typically wake up between 6:30 and 7 a.m., and with this new setup, they will need to stay in their bedroom in the mornings. I’m really concerned that the complaints from our neighbor will escalate. What do other people do in situations like this? I feel I m getting fed and I will start ignoring her messages.

Note: When we renovated our kitchen we did add floor noise insulation but we don’t have the money to do any further renovations at this stage.

Jesus Christ what an utterly selfish thing to say! I’m sure if you were in the neighbours position you wouldn’t be saying this. It’s absolutely horrible (speaking from experience) when you have noisey neighbours and impinges on your home with no peace and quiet

I had a neighbour a long time ago who had their bed right up against the wall. New girlfriend, rhythmic banging on the wall. You get the picture.

I asked him politely to move the bed away from the wall. He said he was ironing 😂but did nothing about it.

Due to being up half the night ironing, they were late risers. I took to putting my music on, on loud at 8.30am the morning after ironing evenings. Within a week, he'd moved the ironing board away from the wall.

You sound like a lovely considerate family who have really tried to minimise noise. I cab see why you would prefer to be on the same floor as the baby, but maybe it’s worth considering you taking the room downstairs.

As others have said you the right to live in your home and nothing you’re doing is being unreasonable. I wouldn’t want to live on the ground floor for this reason and it’s actually why I advised my mil to not choose ground fooor when she downsized! Your neighbour should consider moving as I feel you’ve done all you can. Throw her letters in the bin.

While I agree that she should have considered there would be noise moving in underneath a family with three young children, I hate how the onus seems to be on her to to accept this. You mentioned she even complained about the noise of your tap which is ridiculous, so she is clearly difficult, but while she should expect that there will be neighbour noise if you live in a maisonette (young children or not), you also need to accept that your children have to learn to behave appropriately for their surroundings and this unfortunately means they can't play inside the same way they would if you were in a house. A maisonette isn't suitable for her if she can't deal with any noise, but a maisonette is also not suitable for three young children if the noise can't be controlled.

I agree it might be useful to go downstairs whilst your DC make their usual amount of noise upstairs.

If it’s really bad, you need to carpet the offending areas. If not, I would block her and ignore.

I thought you were being reasonable until you mentioned you have children running around on bare floorboards. That’s a real dick move - regardless of whether it was like that when you moved in.

You need to carpet your first floor living room, bedroom and hall/stairs. Screw down any squeaky floorboards while you’re at it. All this fussing around bedrooms is irrelevant while you have bare floorboards.

Op put your hands in your pockets and get underlay and carpets down!! It doesn't have to cost much just get whatever carpet is on offer or an offcut that's cheap. Underlay and carpet will make a huge difference.

So you completely renovated the rooms but didn’t think to put carpet down??! 😲 I’m sorry but I really think you need to bite the bullet and find the money somewhere to do this for all of your sakes as living with a neighbour feud is going to be stressful on both sides

I would find a way to get a thick underlay and carpet. You may find something suitable second hand or on free cycle or local Facebook groups from someone with similar type property.
At the very least you can get gym/garage foam squares as I think it is the wall to wall fitted element that helps with sound.
Carpeting is a reasonable expectation to help and if I was the neibour I would offer a contribution if it bothered me that much!

I agree with previous poster it really isn’t that expensive to buy a cheap carpet and underlay, and it really will make a big difference. It obviously does concern you enough to post on here and you sound very thoughtful. You might even get an offcut of carpet if the room isn’t huge.

I would ignore her and bin all her notes. She can contact the Council, record noise levels even keep a diary. However you are not contravening the Noise Abatement Act and have taken reasonable steps to appease her. They will take one look and send her away.
If you let this get to you as it obviously has otherwise you wouldn't have posted this then you will make yourself ill and this will impact on your kids.
Just ignore her and live your life. If she doesn't like it then she can move.

I'd buy her some loop earplugs and a bottle of something. And say all soundproofing is done and we keep children upstairs until 8am. There's not much else we can do but hope these might help.

Loops are great.

Then copy and paste responses because you are doing far more than the average person would and it's never going to be enough!

Are u mad they have kids under four they are going to make noise its what they do
The older ones yes they can understand about noise but the young one no
As for the complaining neighbour they need to grow up and stop being petting u arw doing all you can to reduce the noise tell the neighbour to purchase some ear plugs and get a life

Could you buy a house in a less expensive area?

Most Councils don't accept noise made by children playing so unfortunately your neighbour will have to wear ear plugs if it that much of a problem.
I think the suggestion on you moving downstairs is a good one if that fits in with your family needs.It might be better having them upstairs as you may disturb them if you have friends over etc.
Also from a safety point of view as you don't want one of them getting up and leaving the house at night or going into the kitchen etc

You need carpets.

I think you should carpet it and after that then not entertain further complaints. Yabu without carpet

Any noise is potentially able to be acted on, depending on factors like duration, volume, etc.

OP should be careful because once you've made your neighbours not give a damn anymore, you might get back more than you bargained for.

Sometimes people are never happy! Sounds like you are going out of your way for your neighbour! Speak to them and discuss what noise they are hearing and tackle it from there. Having constant messages from them isn't helping your stress levels especially with three young children. I echo previous comments at least it's not partying they are dealing with but a lovely considerate family.
I would block her number, don't accept any more messages from them after your conversation. Kids shouldn't be punished for being kids!!

You are potentially making a massive problem for yourselves if she reports you to the council or EH. You will have to declare it when trying to sell and that could put a lot of buyers off. I'm sorry but you are being massively unreasonable not putting carpets down, it doesn't cost that much to do 2 rooms! Or at least prioritise the playroom if you know they will be moving in soon. I feel so sorry for your neighbour, a noisy living environment is absolute hell on earth.

Some people are hyper sensitive to noise and maybe her new lodger is the one who is complaining to her. Unfortunately, unless you buy a detached property, there is always a noise risk with neighbours. Even then, ASB can be a problem. Your children sleep from 7.30 to 6.30am, they should be grateful for that! And the fact that you do care.

YABU for having floorboards and being surprised that the noise is horrific. I worked in a shop with a flat above in an old building - when they had wood floors it would regularly sound like they were practicing the shotput and shaking the whole place. That was two adults and a teenager. Massive difference when the next lot had carpet down.

Get down to a chain carpet shop and buy an off cut of whatever. If the playroom is too small for a double bed you can do this for a couple of hundred quid easily. You cannot say you’re off on hols soon but too impoverished for an offcut from Carpetright (now Tapi 😂).

Can't she wear earplugs if the problem is her waking?

She's being unreasonable to complain about noise after 10am.

She's being unreasonable especially considering the only noise is on the weekend. You've done so much already to mitigate noise the majority of the week.

She's moved downstairs under a family of children, surely there's give and take.

I don't think there's any pleasing her.
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A few people have said this but why would people care that the neighbour said OP was too noisy if they were buying her flat? OP and her family won't be there any more if they sell the flat! If anything it's the neighbour that will have a problem selling if she creates a trail of complaints about the noise from upstairs.

Good point - I suspect a number of buyers will automatically be put off if they find out that there's 3 kids living upstairs. It's one of the things I used to check when I was renting, having been 'the neighbour' once (mental health was utterly shot after a year of it). If I discovered that not only that but there'd been a noise issue raised with the council, I'd run a mile.

I really feel for the neighbour - as if living like this isn't bad enough, they have to deal with the fact that they can't raise it with the council or it'll stand against them in a sale.