Kids noise vs neighbours: AIBU to think that there is so much you can do when you have young children?

[karpouzi]

We have three kids, all under the age of four, and live in a period maisonette spread over the first and loft floor. Currently, our entire family sleeps in the loft. The eldest two share a bedroom, while the baby is still in our room. On the first floor, we have the kitchen and living area, as well as a double room, which is currently set up as a playroom. We’ve always had a strict rule that our kids are not allowed on the first floor before 8 a.m., unless they’re having breakfast in the kitchen.
However, our downstairs neighbor has been repeatedly complaining about the noise, especially on weekends, saying that it’s disturbing her sleep. She sends us long messages almost every week. We’ve explained that we have a double rug in the playroom, and that the kids are not allowed in that room before 8 a.m., even though they wake up around 6:30 a.m. We also arrange swimming lessons to be at 9am in the weekend so the kids are out of the house. Unfortunately, this is all we can do to minimize the noise. Now, we face a new challenge: the baby will soon need his own room. Our plan is to move him into the boys' room in the loft, which is fairly small. We also plan to get new beds for the eldest two and convert the playroom into a bedroom where the boys will also have space for their toys. The boys typically wake up between 6:30 and 7 a.m., and with this new setup, they will need to stay in their bedroom in the mornings. I’m really concerned that the complaints from our neighbor will escalate. What do other people do in situations like this? I feel I m getting fed and I will start ignoring her messages.

Note: When we renovated our kitchen we did add floor noise insulation but we don’t have the money to do any further renovations at this stage.

I understand you don’t have the finances to immediately carpet but could you save up and do it before you move the kids into the playroom?

We carpeted all 3 of our bedrooms for £1.5k inc underlay and fitting, we’ve got cream wool carpets though so you may want to go for something cheaper/sturdier for a little boys’ bedroom!

Is it the original floorboards? It's no wonder she can hear lots if so.

You really need to carpet it before turning it into a bedroom. If the room is small, you should be able to get an off cut which can be much cheaper.

This ^^

maybe standing up to her will stop the incessant complaints

OP, do the right thing and get underlay and carpet installed. One room doesn’t cost that much. Have you even had quotes to know how much you need to save?

Have you been downstairs yourself to have a listen to the noise?

Like many previous posters have said, you need to install good underlay and carpet. It will make a huge difference to your neighbour downstairs and will stop the problem from escalating further. If you are thinking of moving in 3 years time, you don’t want an ongoing dispute with a neighbour as you will have to declare this and it will affect the value and saleability of your property. Installing carpets now might well be a cost saving exercise in the long run.

F them. You already do enough to help reduce the noise. They can move if they need to. I understand shouting and loud music etc. but kids playing… come on. Good luck with it all. X

I brought up three DC in a flat. The rules I made was that the children were not allowed to jump or run as noise carries and play on a carpet. However noise travels especially in when places were built before the latest technology.

In the interest of neighbourly relations you should put down carpet with a decent underlay, at least in the playroom/boys bedroom, (but ideally in the downstairs space that isn't the bathroom, kitchen or hallway) and proper curtains and soft furnishings to help deaden the sound. Once you have done that I think you can safely tell your neighbour that you have done everything you reasonably can and they need to get some ear plugs and/or get a grip.

I had an upstairs neighbour who swapped out their carpets for hard floors and it was a bloody nightmare, (even with rugs down). It went from genuinely never noticing them, to hearing every single footstep, the toy cars rumbling across the floor, the nose from the TV. And they weren't making any more noise just that all the noise travelled straight down into my flat.

You completely renovated but didn't put carpets down? I'm on the side of the neighbours here.

I recently got carpets fitted in three rooms. Good quality carpet, thick underlay, fitting included. Came to £1400. So you're probably looking at around £500 for the playroom. That would be a start. Hard floors in flats are deeply antisocial.

As you say, she has become fixated on it. But that's understandable. It's disturbing her home every day. How would you feel if someone banged on your ceiling every morning and evening without fail? You would feel under siege.

The OP has NOT tried everything, as a lot of posters are saying!
She needs to put down carpet with proper underlay. Rugs are not the same.
It's the epitome of selfishness.

Why has your neighbour got your phone number??

I think OP needs to consider that if she doesn’t put more of an effort in to reduce the noise and moves her kids to the lower floor that her neighbours might retaliate with noise, either that or they might have enough of it and move and the next people to move in might also do the same.

I'm not sure I'd blame the neighbour if she did start cranking up music at midnight. OP knows there is a solution to tackling the issue – carpet – but won't prioritise it.

You completely renovated but didn't put carpets down? I'm on the side of the neighbours here.

They completely renovated their kitchen and bathroom putting in sound insulation - but obviously not carpets in a kitchen/bathroom

Do not discuss further with neighbour. Literally no point as you have decided to do nothing about it.

If you turn the playroom into a bedroom, I would put a cheap carpet in. It won’t be very expensive if it is as small as you say it is.

Other than that, your neighbour needs to realise that living in a flat in an old house means neighbour noise.

Bloody inconsiderate and downright rude not to have carpets upstairs - and entitled. You sound nightmare neighbours.

Personally I think it's pretty vile that someone was driven to a breakdown by inconsiderate neighbours.

You should go downstairs and stand in her flat with her whilst your husband and the children do breakfast time and playing in the playroom. That way you can hear what she hears. You might be more sympathetic to her issues when you hear how loud you are. You need carpets with insulation at the very least.

You need to get a cheap carpet at the minimum.

There are some people you can't please no matter what you do. It is not entirely clear whether this is your neighbour as you don't have carpet so it could be very loud for her. As a couple of PP have suggested, ask to go down and hear the noise when she is bothered by it. Also ask her to record it and listen to the recording. Once you have heard, you can make judgement on how loud it truly is and if it is as bad as she makes out, you need to make adjustments to be able to get some sort of carpet otherwise saying you want a good relationship is empty words.

If it is not so bad, she fits into the former category and I would then be looking at making a complaint about harassment. If she is one of those who you cannot please (I sadly have a neighbour like this), the demands just keep on escalating. It is not noise in our case but our neighbours expect us to foot the bill for everything concerning a shared boundary (deeds do not say we are responsible), give them endless favours whilst complaining should one thing not meet their (high) expectations. When they first moved in, we tried really hard to be friendly and meet halfway but the demands got bigger so we no longer engage. It is a shame, even more so when you had a wonderful relationship with the previous occupiers

I certainly hope that you're not anyone's parent!

Having wood floors in a top flat is a bit inconsiderate imo. Why don’t you approach her ask if she’s be willing to help (50/50) fund some carpets being installed, that will make a huge difference.
I live in a flat and there will always be some be some noise, but if it woke me up every Saturday it would massively impact on my quality of life.
My neighbours have a teenager, a toddler and a baby and I can hear them but not excessively unless they shout. I’ve been woken up a handful of times in 2 years, which I’m obviously not bothered about at all.

Good luck

I would carpet the play room and kids bedroom with some seriously good underlay. If it means putting it on the credit card or holding off on a holiday/cancelling a gym membership or whatever, then I absolutely would although if you're on a low wage assuming not if you live in London and your neighbour's 1 bed is worth £700k & you have a duplex + freehold then maybe one room at a time & go for cheap carpet decent underlay. Make it clear to neighbour this is as good as it gets.

I lived in a basement flat many years ago. There were 2 young men living upstairs who seemed to spend every night having sex with a constant stream of shrieking, squealing young women. After six months we moved out. In the end you could hear the moaning and screaming in your head when they weren't even there. I used to dread weekends because we'd be woken up in the early hours by endless door slamming and thudding about followed by noisy sex. Other people's noise gets into your brain and under your skin. Don't underestimate the stress the noise of your family is causing your neighbour

Mate, if you started throwing a ball at the ceiling for hours, I'd genuinely think you're deranged.