Modern life is rubbish?

[MeanMrMustardSeed]

I’m not been immune to this myself, so not pointing fingers. I just keep seeing the same things on here again and again, and I’m coming to the conclusion that Blur were on to something.

We saw the dream of 2 incomes, and bigger houses and newer cars, eating out and foreign holidays. Then because we were all doing it, houses got more expensive. Then we needed two cars as we had two jobs and lots of activities for the kids, but we couldn’t save up for them, or afford them, so we took out leases on them. In the good old days of low interest rates we bought bigger houses, and took out loans for extensions and spent the rest on a family holiday.

Now we have expensive lifestyles but less disposable income. We’re tied into paying off loans that seemed manageable 5 years ago, paying £100s for cars that just don’t seem to do it for us anymore as almost every other person has one anyway. But mostly we’re knackered from trying to manage it all.

Lots of us seem to dream of getting rid of 50% of our things, eating the same simple meals every week, saving slowly for house improvements and living with ‘okay’, and getting off the treadmill, or at least slowing it down. If modern life made us all happy, I could maybe accept it’s all fine, but that’s not the vibe I’m getting.

So is modern life rubbish, or have I messed up somewhere?

It's very sad, as per PP.
I happened to come across a short video on YT , called "Happiness". The one with people as rats.
I hardly ever cry, but as a 46 yo woman it made me irrationally upset (a rat has bitten another one's paw for a flat screen TV).
Now, with humility, thanks to other people
I probably have enough money to die first before spending it.
Without a second thought, I would give it all up for life as it's been (for myself) thirty years ago.
No internet to share opinion, obviously.
But so easy to be happy with less!
🥲

The whole world should be happy

@maccymac I had to go back at 12 weeks in 1998 - Labour changed this shortly afterwards

What's out of touch about it?
Anyone who knows they want to be a parent should be saving money from the first paycheck. Why should everyone else always be on the hook for others' lifestyle choices?

Exactly.

Anyone who is "pressured" or "swayed by society" or "feels the need to keep up with the neighbours" is a downright simpleton. March to the beat of your own drummer.

@newkettleandtoaster and @rivalsbinge social media is just a tool though, it only shows you what you follow or what it thinks your interests are according to your viewing history. My feeds don't have any fashion, beauty, bling, celebs, big houses, influencers, people showing off their wealth, etc, because I'm not remotely interested in following that. Perhaps delete all the crap and follow things that you like instead? Use IG and FB in a way that works for you.

@OhMargaret

The average woman in a middle-income household now works far harder now than she would have been expected to in the previous generation.

I completely agree with this. Modern women are usually doing a "double shift" whether they work or not. And that this causes all sorts of problems, social and domestic.

Where I'd disagree is that stopping or reducing the work is the solution to this. I accept that the current situation is far from ideal but I do think that the economic freedoms we have gained, with all the baggage that goes with them, outweigh this.

I also think that the only solution to the "double shift" problem is to shift more domestic responsibility onto men and off women. That has been starting to happen.

One of the problems with the narrative about encouraging women to work less is that it will undo much of this good work. It will also reduce women's overall wealth and thus their domestic bargaining power.

I remember when BSkyB came out. Satellite dishes sprung up on certain estates, rented property. No way were we paying for them.

I saw the first plasma screen in a shop that sold bang and Olufsen kit. Again we walked away.

We were years behind everyone else getting a flat screen, and other gadgets. But our mortgage was paid off when DH was fifty which was a good feeling. He retired at 56.

We're still careful with heating, water. But can afford holidays etc.

It's peace of mind.

No. I've never felt the need to live beyond means or 'keep up with the Jonses'.

I'm perfectly happy but I don't have a lot of 'stuff' I don't need. I'm not paying off expensive cars or huge loans because I couldn't afford stuff I thought I had to have to be as good as everyone else 🤷🏻‍♀️

There's always people richer than me and poorer than me. So I pay it no mind.

yabu because not all of us fell for the new build house, shiny new car, loans for everything nonsense.

I went without holidays until I could afford a secondhand car for cash, which I kept for 10 years. Bought a scruffy house and sorted it out myself.

Ignored my ex's desire to keep up with the neighbours. It isn't difficult.

'Keeping up with the Joneses' has always been a huge thing. Probably since you were envying your neighbouring cave-dweller's animal-skin decor. Yes, social media makes it more visible, but being competitive about resources and status is a basic human trait.

I don’t agree with you, or @Oblomov25 or @Meadowfinch I actually think it is really hard for people to resist - and there is plenty of evidence to support that in terms of household debt figures etc. It’s great that you have the examples / character / nature / nurture / interests / education to resist credit and overspending. If you’d read the thread, you’d see I’ve been fortunate enough to resist these things on the whole too. But we’re discussing here whether society / business is making that harder for people.

I guess I’m asking is society increasingly shaped to create a rubbish modern life?

But you're missing the point that lots of people do resist it and quite easily too.

In fact, I don't even 'resist' because I don't really think about it. And of there is something I want, I don't buy it unless I can afford it.

I'm paying off my student loans and mortgage but I don't have any other personal debt at all - no loans, no credit cards, nothing.

I only have an overdraft of £200 and I've had that for 25 years after my pay was late going in one month and caused a few issues. But I've never used it.

I still have young kids. Life is fine. We deliberately avoided the trap of the expensive cars/house/vacations and we are doing well.

keeping up with the neighbours will always kill your budget, as will using credit (because very few are disciplined enough to pay it off immediately/fast).

I think this is another example of trying to blame "society" for one's own weaknesses, imprudence, lack of planning, failure to hustle, etc.

Like a pp said, what is there to resist? I've certainly never had difficult 'resisting' pressure to overspend because I pay no attention to whatever cues you say are out there. Couldn't care less what the neighbours own, drive or wear. Don't have the type of family that flaunt money or spending. In fact most of us probably would be taken for low-income when in fact we are financially secure and in some cases quite well off.

Maybe stay off social media and learn to appreciate what one has rather than worry about what others have. If there's something one wants, get out there and hustle for it; many is the time I have worked two jobs or run a side business or sold things on eBay in order to reach a financial goal. I don't sit around and blame "society" because everything I want doesn't fall right into my lap.

This is all really interesting, and I’m genuinely pleased that you’ve found it so easy to resist, but I think it’s naive to think that’s easy in today’s society. I am in a very similar position, but am aware of the benefits I’ve had to put me there (parental input / string character etc).

Don’t worry about me - as you’ll see from my posts, MN is my only SM, I’ve nearly paid of my mortgage on our family home, we own our cars outright and we have no debt. It doesn’t mean I can’t see the pressures of modern society and wonder if we are selling people short.

What's the old adage?

A fool and his money are easily parted..?

Too many people don't want to take personal responsibility for their choices and just seek to blame others.

Financial resilience is incredibly important, as is understanding what makes your life better. I'm 68 now, and anything I post is framed by my present concerns. I would have posted different answers at 45 and 55.

At 45 I was the mother of a toddler, and still trying to cope with a workload for a woman 10 years younger, but I did employ a nanny, a younger woman with a child of her own that she often brought with her.

At 55, I was too old to be appealing to my previous clients, so unemployable. I was seriously miserable and menopausal. According to my family, I was horrid then.

But it has chilled out again, and now I am the oil in the machine: good at admin and paperwork and logistics and catering. Regardless of my competence, my DH whose business I enabled at its inception, now keeps the ship afloat financially, but he has intermittent acute health crises that could prove fatal, that could change the status quo in the snap of fingers. His sudden death would be an emotional catastrophe, but it would not cause a crisis, because I have had to think it through, repeatedly. It will be atrocious, if/when it happens, but it WILL happen.

Like the OP, MN is the extent of my social media, and I stay for the company and the chat. Politics, sociology, fashion (I don't talk relationship dysfunctions, and I'm too old to participate in TTC). It's a lively forum that provides endless hours of inexpensive amusement, debate and the occasional excellent reading recommendation. Huge cheer really!

Desire is infinite and its what our regime is based on. You're not wrong OP.

Agree OP.

There are moments when it is really valuable to be old and cynical. Usually we only learn scepticism after getting burned. The old rules stand: if it sounds too good to be true, it is a scam. There is never, ever, a free lunch. Apply these principles relentlessly. HTH.

But cheap credit was available to everyone. Some people grabbed at it and other people ignored it. Some might have resisted temptation but others just dismissed it outright with no temptation. There was nothing to resist.

Did people not realise they'd have to pay it back eventually? That interest rates might rise? Thar buying things they couldn't afford wasn't a particularly sensible idea?

I have sympathy for those who find themselves in financial strife through just trying to survive but people who want to present an image of being better off than they are? Nope.