To think men often 'do better' for their 2nd family?

[GoodToBeHome]

Of all the men I know that have met/married and had children with another woman after divorce from the first wife seem to do much better by the second family than they did the first. They are almost partner/parent of the year the second time around!
Is it just because they are finally more mature? More settled down? There must be something to it as it happens too often just to be coincidence.

My ex was lazy round the house, didn’t financially contribute and went part time and let me pay for everything. When I ended it he went and got a decent (full time job), a nice house and met a new girlfriend. I was so hurt that he wouldn’t do that for me.

Anyway, he’s been sacked from that job, it lasted less than a year, not too sure about the rest, but they can’t change for long

Yes

through this whole thread there’s an underlying assumption that the break ups were the fault of the man and he’s somehow “learnt his lesson” if the next relationship works out.

in my experience, women have been equally to blame for break ups, and both parties sometimes “do better” next time. It’s only on here it must be horrible men vs lovely women every time

It’s all very well saying people (men) are more mature and put more effort in for their second family but quite often they still treat the children of the first family badly and you’d think if they had matured and realised they can do better they would do that for all their children. I’ve known this happen with a few people including my husbands father, much better with his second family, still a shit dad to dh and hasn’t learned a damn thing.

He could. Like I said, it could be any number of reasons. He could like the 2nd wife more than the first. Or he could have left the first wife when they've been in the thick of a period of drudgery thinking the grass was greener, but then realised it wasn't but is stuck with what he ran to. Either way, he's a shit who has put himself before his children.

I think a lot of the component parts of this have been covered by PP, but I think a large part of it are comparing behaviours at the end of one relationship with the honeymoon phase of another... how someone treats their spouse at the end of a failing marriage will not be the same as how they are in the early throes of a new relationship!

I know a guy who was abusive to his wife and kids for 20 years plus. Every type of abuse going. He's now moved on (I'm being vague...you never know who's on here and might recognise it). Has a new girlfriend. He's now making out like he's the perfect partner, acting the hero and good guy. Makes me sick to my stomach. She knows bits about his previous behaviour but as the saying goes, there's none so blind as those that cannot see. If you are on here and you do think you recognise this, you are with a very dangerous guy and you're deluded.

I used to wonder this about my ex. He certainly seemed better, and it plagued me. Now, and I don't actually know how he's doing and don't care anymore, I think you can never really know a relationship unless you're in it and appearances can be deceptive.

Because they weren’t truly happy the first time and now they are?

I think all that's been mentioned plus I think sometimes you have to lose something and have the full consequence to your actions to learn the lesson properly. I think too often when people betray each other but then someone forgives that little niggle that they got away with it is still there. Whereas when you're single and out on your ear and navigating finances and access to your children that's a hard pill.