To think men often 'do better' for their 2nd family?

[GoodToBeHome]

Of all the men I know that have met/married and had children with another woman after divorce from the first wife seem to do much better by the second family than they did the first. They are almost partner/parent of the year the second time around!
Is it just because they are finally more mature? More settled down? There must be something to it as it happens too often just to be coincidence.

Absolutely. The man might actually be happier in the 2nd marriage.

Absolutely. The man might actually be happier in the 2nd marriage.

But what has that got to do with being a better parent? Are we saying men can only be good dads if they are happy, getting shagged etc? Somehow, most women manage to be good mums however their marriage is going.

But what has that got to do with being a better parent? Are we saying men can only be good dads if they are happy, getting shagged etc? Somehow, most women manage to be good mums however their marriage is going.

The OP's question focuses on men being a better partner or parent, not just a better parent

My DH was/is a good Dad equally to all his children.

Just because his 1st marriage didn't work out doesn't mean he wasn't nice.

more mature outlook I guess. My DF has a new wife and treats her considerably better than my DM, it’s sad to see but I’m glad he’s nurturing a relationship better than he did. He’s outright told me if new wife falls pregnant he’ll be a much better dad and knows how to do things differently, it stung but I’m glad because he wasn’t the best dad.

My DH was/is a good Dad equally to all his children

Aye, sure.

Yes, he was/is.

What is your problem?

I was clearly unlucky with my H who second time round cheated again and was a complete compulsive liar. Did it to his first wife (unbeknown to me) and then did it to me.. I hope he ends up very lonely in a bedsit!

Oh I should add - I have raised my two children practically alone .. his two previous children have very little contact with him now and he was never there for them either. I suspect my own two will grow up doing the same. Choosing work and business entertainment over family and many affairs in between.

Some men genuinely are. My DBIL has a DS from his previous marriage, he was a single dad when my DSis met him and she became her DSS’s main carer for a few years. She was a SAHM for those years, whilst she became a mum herself to 3 DC of her own. They were a very successful blended family.

There are actually good men out there..

First marriage is a mistake usually

Stop it

@peudhrk

But what has that got to do with being a better parent? Are we saying men can only be good dads if they are happy, getting shagged etc? Somehow, most women manage to be good mums however their marriage is going.

Plenty of shite mothers out there too ya know

Thanks everyone, I was thinking about this in regards to my own husband.
He is a much better father to my two children than he was to his first two children.
I think part of it might have been because I saw how he parented his older children (he was no Disney dad, the eldest was living with him full time when we met) and there were certain things I didn't want to do with my kids.
He really wasn't a bad father to the first two but he is much better the second time around!

Weirdly enough, I don't know any men with second families well enough to judge. I know one divorced guy well and one widow. Both are in relationships but no more kids. I wonder if there is something in them not feeling pressured to have children the second time round, so they don't unless they really want to

Widower*

But there are plenty of threads on MN to suggest some men run round like idiots after their first wives/children, giving a lot less to the second, probably due to guilt?

The second family don’t always get a better deal

Makes me feel so sorry for the first round of kids, that they were just guinea pigs for these men.

Not every Father's story is the same.

My SC know it was their Mum's fault as well as their Dad's that their marriage didn't work and they actually like me, their other stepparent and my child with their Dad.

Nah mate. You're deluded. 😂

Men get more unappealing and less attractive as they get older. Women get more appealing and more attractive. And you are super deluded if you think younger women are on the hunt for older men! 😆 That is a middle aged/older man's fantasy, (that younger women desire them.)

Most young women find middle aged and older men repugnant, yet middle aged/older men often look for an attractive woman at least 15-18 years younger, and act like they deserve such a woman. Why would an attractive young woman want to go for a man who is old enough to be her dad?

Women have a much greater chance of finding another man after a relationship breakdown, than men do of finding another woman. That is why (as I said) men are nicer to their wives as they age, because as the men get older/ more bald/ fat/ unappealing, they know that the pool of women who will want them is tiny. Although as I said, many women are fine alone as they get older, and don't need a man. Men need women, and this is why they rarely leave a relationship unless they have a woman to go to!

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway Nah Mate, I'm really not. DH is 12 years older than me! If women get more attractive why is there a HUGE beauty industry based on preventing the signs of aging in women? There are lots of Dads at the schools are kids go to with fathers on their second family. Not a single mother who is on her second batch of kids. Men with money will always have options.

More mature, learnt from their mistakes, more experienced with children, or in a relationship which is more healthy (considering the first broke down, if the second doesn't it's likely they're a better match)