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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not forget a kids party

112 replies

Comeonicandoit · 22/02/2025 22:02

My kid had her birthday party this afternoon. It was at a place where you are charged per child, and you confirm two weeks before how many will attend.
We had 17 kids confirm (more than we’d have guessed!!), but four didn’t turn up today. That includes two siblings so three families. They absolutely know where the venue is as we have been there before for other parties. I checked the invite and and info was accurate, and I definitely didn’t receive any apologies. I paid £16 per child so I lost out on £64. This isn’t spare change to me 😔. Plus There was food wasted and extra party bags brought home, and I can’t help but feel very disappointed. Mostly, and because I’m an anxious sort, I’m
now so anxious about what will be said at the school gates. Will they ignore me? Will they even realise if they forgot?!

YABU - get over it
YANBU - that’s rubbish

OP posts:
Loveduppenguin · 22/02/2025 22:05

I once forgot a party and didn’t realise until a week later, I text to apologise. It happens @Comeonicandoit

Runningoutofthyme · 22/02/2025 22:05

But if they’d come you would have covered the cost?

but it’s pretty poor behaviour from the parents

BooomShakeTheRoom · 22/02/2025 22:05

yanbu to feel upset about it. But everyone has busy lives and it’s so easy to forget. I think you’ll be best just to let it go.

changednameagain1234 · 22/02/2025 22:08

I once took my daughter to a soft play party when she was younger, not one other child apart from the birthday boy turned up.

my heart broke for him and his parents, so pleased we went though!!

WineIsMyMainVice · 22/02/2025 22:09

YANBU
Thats quite a few! I’d be really pissed off too as that’s such a waste of your money!

EmberAsh · 22/02/2025 22:09

Did you send any kind of reminder to the parents yesterday. It's half term and there's a lot going on so a party could be forgotten unless prompted.

Bushmillsbabe · 22/02/2025 22:16

Pretty typical, am guessing your child is in reception/year 1? There were several whole class parties during reception and there were a few children whose parents either didn't show without cancelling or cancelled on day with a half arsed excuse on more than one occasion, or turned up with several poirly behaved older siblings. Now in year 2, these children are now not getting invited, and the same children are at most parties which is sad for those missing out.

MumChp · 22/02/2025 22:18

Get used to it. Happens every time.

mnahmnah · 22/02/2025 22:31

It’s only happened to us once, with one family, but I was furious. Like you it was a pay per child at £18, plus gift bag. It was just the total disregard for manners and wasting our money. Never got any apologies and next time I saw them they were chatty and friendly. I can only assume they totally forgot about it! I don’t bother with them any more.

Ohplesandbanonos · 22/02/2025 22:33

For future - I always make a reason to text 2 or 3 days before the party - 'just checking no allergies/all still coming/please make sure you register your car's number plate' etc.

We've been lucky, the 2 or 3 who've had something come up let us know at that point and we have been able to invite family friends or neighbours to come make up the party.

WateryBottle · 22/02/2025 22:35

yanbu. That’s really shit. Absent there being some unexpected emergency (unlikely for 3 families), they are incredibly rude. I don’t buy this “oh but people have busy lives” - fuck that. It isn’t hard to put it in your phone diary. If you aren’t capable of remembering birthday parties then don’t RSVP yes to them.

REDB99 · 22/02/2025 22:37

It can be easy to forget depending on how long ago the invites got sent out. I always send a text a few days before to check people are still coming. I also book places with 10 child minimum as a charge, you then just pay for any extras who come. So if at least 10 come you’re not loosing money. Or book something with a flat fee regardless of how many turn up.

SecretToryVoter · 22/02/2025 22:38

Yes, it’s a bit shit but I find that it’s worth setting up a WhatsApp for the party and sending out a reminder that morning. For some people it genuinely slips their mind, especially being out of routine with half term

Hankunamatata · 22/02/2025 22:40

Always happens. I used to send it votes out 4 weeks in advance with a rsvp date of a week later. Then send another a text a couple of days before and a day before reminding

I do like the poster who said abut not putting the location or exact details on invite

TheChosenTwo · 22/02/2025 22:43

Dc2 was meant to go to a party once during half term and we just completely bloody forgot. I had bought and wrapped the present in advance which was so rare for me and come the day of the party it just totally slipped my mind.
remembered on the Sunday before being back to school. Felt awful and texted the party parents apologising. They were so lovely about it but I did feel terrible.
we gave the birthday boy their present at school and invited him back to play one day and have dinner in the week.
Yanbu to feel pissed off but you had already spent that money already so whether they turned up or not you would have been down £64. Sorry though, it’s crap when us parents forget stuff but I’d guess it’s not intentional.

scotstars · 22/02/2025 22:53

YANBU. Not an excuse but is it possible they are away for half term and maybe didn't think about the date when rsvp'ing

Snowyymum · 22/02/2025 23:04

I have to hold my hands up- I completely forgot a birthday party once. ( It was at the persons house - and whole class so hopefully didn’t affect them too much )
my wee one had been Ill and missed school- so then there was no mention of party ( from wean or other parents at school gates) and I clean forgot. Sometimes I forget to even look at calendar - even though I always have it wrote down.

OrangeYaGlad · 22/02/2025 23:07

You didn't lose out on anything. You'd pay the 64 quid if they were there, you paid when they're not. It doesn't actually affect you or your bank balance either way.
It's annoying and it's bad form but you've not lost anything

Pissoffyouall · 22/02/2025 23:07

Comeonicandoit · 22/02/2025 22:02

My kid had her birthday party this afternoon. It was at a place where you are charged per child, and you confirm two weeks before how many will attend.
We had 17 kids confirm (more than we’d have guessed!!), but four didn’t turn up today. That includes two siblings so three families. They absolutely know where the venue is as we have been there before for other parties. I checked the invite and and info was accurate, and I definitely didn’t receive any apologies. I paid £16 per child so I lost out on £64. This isn’t spare change to me 😔. Plus There was food wasted and extra party bags brought home, and I can’t help but feel very disappointed. Mostly, and because I’m an anxious sort, I’m
now so anxious about what will be said at the school gates. Will they ignore me? Will they even realise if they forgot?!

YABU - get over it
YANBU - that’s rubbish

They will probably ignore you. It's them that should be ashamed, not you. The CF wanted to bring siblings and then in line with their CF ry they couldn't be bothered. They've red flagged themselves so you now know who to avoid. And if that helps you feel any better, soft play round here is from £30 basic package per head. The ones that don't turn up are often the ones that are the highest maintenance leading up to it. Can I bring all of my 29 kids? Great, even though my kid of age no parent needs to stay. Just to let you know - y kid is allergic to everything except unicorn tears - etc.

GoBackToTheStart · 22/02/2025 23:19

OrangeYaGlad · 22/02/2025 23:07

You didn't lose out on anything. You'd pay the 64 quid if they were there, you paid when they're not. It doesn't actually affect you or your bank balance either way.
It's annoying and it's bad form but you've not lost anything

Except they weren't there...and if Op knew that would be the case, she presumably wouldn't have paid that money or would have invited someone else to take their place. It is wasted because the venue was given money and none of the intended children (including her birthday child) benefitted from it. If they were there, she'd have been paying for children to enjoy themselves at the party and her DC to have more friends there. Instead, she has paid for nothing. Generally, people find paying for nothing to be a waste.

gettingthehangofsewing · 22/02/2025 23:27

I would be annoyed and it's crap on their part but it's money you had budgeted for the party if they had been there you wouldn't begrudge it so try to view as overall cost rather than pp cost

BlondiePortz · 22/02/2025 23:50

It is rude not to contact but I would move on , I do wonder with the idea that people are meant to invite everyone in the class how on earth parents manage to fit all the parties and keep up with which child is going to which party when and then unexpected things happen

Parents would need their own PA, if you need to pay for people I would confirm but that is why we have a bit of food and kids show up if they do there is no extra cost parties

MajorCarolDanvers · 22/02/2025 23:56

I forgot once but when I remembered I felt awful and messaged the mum and offered to pay for the place and we sent the birthday present to school

made me realise I needed to text or WhatsApp reminders to all guests 48 hours before the party

MsVi · 22/02/2025 23:59

Amazing how many people can’t seem to work out what a diary is for.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 23/02/2025 00:00

I voted YABU because you do need to get over it. They are shit bags for not texting you, but why feel anxious about it?

I would just say “sorry we missed you at X’s party, hope all is ok?” With a concerned face.