To not forget a kids party

[Comeonicandoit]

My kid had her birthday party this afternoon. It was at a place where you are charged per child, and you confirm two weeks before how many will attend.
We had 17 kids confirm (more than we’d have guessed!!), but four didn’t turn up today. That includes two siblings so three families. They absolutely know where the venue is as we have been there before for other parties. I checked the invite and and info was accurate, and I definitely didn’t receive any apologies. I paid £16 per child so I lost out on £64. This isn’t spare change to me 😔. Plus There was food wasted and extra party bags brought home, and I can’t help but feel very disappointed. Mostly, and because I’m an anxious sort, I’m
now so anxious about what will be said at the school gates. Will they ignore me? Will they even realise if they forgot?!

YABU - get over it
YANBU - that’s rubbish

Did they RSVP to say they would come?

If so I think it's really poor for not to turn up and not to send apologies. You shouldn't have to remind them the day before either.

I don't think you should be embarrassed about seeing them at school. They are the ones in the wrong! They should be embarrassed!

I wouldn't invite them again.

It’s bad manners and poor organisation skills - no excuse. It’s not difficult to put the details in the family calendar/diary. Unfortunately some people always have an excuse - there isn’t one.

i hope they are embarrassed - remember not to invite them next year.

If the child is ill, you contact and apologise that you won’t be attending. It’s bad manners. You wouldn’t behave like that at work.

I’ve had it twice with children from divorced parents, who are with their dad every other weekend and don’t speak to eachother. It is just difficult and there are only losers in this scenario. And I just felt so sorry for the kid.

YANBU. It's rude and inconsiderate behaviour. I've never once forgotten a child's party, and my 3 went to parties before smartphones were around to remind me!

And sometimes adults are going through shit that means they are not “functioning” at 100% and things get missed ffs…why are people so easily insulted these days. We cannot remember everything ALL the time! Get a calendar they say, fine, most of the time I do put things on the calendar and sometimes oh hang on…I forget! God you must be all so perfect…

That's so sad 😢

YANBU. It's pretty standard. But on the upside, it helps you to identify the flaky people early and not bother with them in future.

I would give the benefit of doubt tbh. There are so many bugs around atm and the last thing you’re thinking about when you’ve been up all night with a poorly child, sat in an out of hours at 3am or you’ve caught whatever they have yourself…is the party you were supposed to be at. I’ve certainly done this by accident and equally it’s happened to us when we’ve thrown our parties. It’s, in my opinion, part and parcel of parties!

I hate organising children's birthdays for this reason. Be brazen and, when you see them next, ask what happened and say how disappointed you were not to see them. Really lay it on thick. Even if they had a family emergency, I would expect a message of apology. Definitely don't invite them again.

you sound delightful…🤣🤣🤣

Why didn’t they send an apology in these circumstances? No excuse.

Yes, it's rude, but it's part and parcel of hosting a party, unfortunately.

You were prepared to cover the cost in the first place - it's a shame four places were wasted, but it hasn't affected the cost at all.

Focus on the fact you gave your child a great party Abd lots of their friends came, why put a downer on it over four no shows?

That's awful. The boy and his mum must have been so upset.

Ugh. Hated those years of kids' parties. People either don't show up, dump & run when it's not appropriate or bring siblings & take the piss! Couldn't get past that stage quick enough. 😆

Some people have crises going on in their lives and some people are just flaky. That's why I always set text to ask if I don't have a rsvp in time and then set up a WhatsApp group for the party. The morning or the day before if it's a morning party I send out a message " See you all at Softplay at 4 pm, X is so excited".

I don't buy the 'forgetting because it's half term'. You have access to diaries/calendars and 99% of people surely sync those with their phones do that they get a reminder. Do better!

I do advocate sending a reminder in the guise of "double checking I haven't missed any allergies/you know where to park"

To be fair if you aren't attending due to illness you would expect the parent to have manners enough to tell the inviting parent that this was the case!

Maybe because there were other people that they would have invited but couldn't accommodate cost wise who have missed out. Maybe £64 in her pocket was very much needed. Yes she may have budgeted eg £200 but who wouldn't rather pay £140 if they could? That £64 I am sure could be wisely spent elsewhere.

It is just rude not to let people know you aren't coming.

Of course it does! If they’d just declined in the first place, OP wouldn’t have booked their places and would never have spent the money. Okay, so she was always prepared to spend it - but that was because she was spending it for a reason rather than just spaffing it up the wall!

Absolutely, life happens, emergencies happen. I once got my 2 daughters parties and venues mixed up and went to the wrong place and by time i realised my mistake was too late. But when you remember you message to say sorry and you give the birthday child their present. It's easy to tell who genuinely forgot as they are genuinely sorry and give a card/present. And those who just couldnt be arsed, look sheepish, avoid you and no present.

I really don’t think it’s an unreasonable expectation that someone accepting an invitation should note down the details and then actually turn up on said date. It’s not particularly challenging.

You seem to be taking massive offence at the very idea that someone might expect you to remember that you’d committed to be somewhere.

I’m not taking offence, I’m having a bit of empathy, which it seems a lot of people on here can’t do. We aren’t all perfect as I said I forgot one party I messaged the moment I forgot which was that evening. We can’t get it right all of the time, a lot of you seem to be coming down like a ton of bricks on people who you have no idea about, you have no idea what they’re going through, and considering the rise in mental health crisis and the rise in people on here talking about their anxiety, their struggles to connect with others,etc then no, I’m not surprised. Good for you you don’t think it’s unreasonable to put something on the calendar and did theory it’s not unreasonable but for someone it can be a hard task and not saying that’s me but I can find understanding inside me to see that for someone THAT might be hard. I wouldn’t hold any grudges @Comeonicandoit these things happen sometimes.

Yes, I do understand that and agree, but it's hardly worth being so anxious about it you're worried about seeing those people again or it marring your memory of your child's birthday party, is it?!

I think the poster was trying to make the op feel better..