To not forget a kids party

[Comeonicandoit]

My kid had her birthday party this afternoon. It was at a place where you are charged per child, and you confirm two weeks before how many will attend.
We had 17 kids confirm (more than we’d have guessed!!), but four didn’t turn up today. That includes two siblings so three families. They absolutely know where the venue is as we have been there before for other parties. I checked the invite and and info was accurate, and I definitely didn’t receive any apologies. I paid £16 per child so I lost out on £64. This isn’t spare change to me 😔. Plus There was food wasted and extra party bags brought home, and I can’t help but feel very disappointed. Mostly, and because I’m an anxious sort, I’m
now so anxious about what will be said at the school gates. Will they ignore me? Will they even realise if they forgot?!

YABU - get over it
YANBU - that’s rubbish

I think most people who frequently forget things fail to do the work necessary (such as developing the habit of immediately putting things in a diary that they consult) to ensure they don't forget.

If only everyone was perfectly set up in life hey?

Working full time with multiple young children, managing a home - it’s bloody hard. If someone forgets one birthday party, I think I can forgive them - can you?

Life doesn’t have to be perfectly set up for people to prioritise something like this to the extent that dropping the ball is a once in a blue moon event. But with pretty much one in three of those who’d said they’d go forgetting, no, I don’t think that is forgiveable. It indicates a cultural outlook that includes a real lack of consideration for others.

That’s bloody annoying op. People have become so flaky and self centred. Yes, we all forget things occasionally, especially when juggling the early years, but it’s no excuse to not own up and apologise.

It’s not about ‘being perfect’. It’s about consideration for other people. If you can’t be bothered to make a note in your diary and make sure your child attends, then don’t accept a party invitation. If something unexpected comes up - sickness, family crisis, whatever - then let the host know as soon as you can and apologise. Utterly selfish to think it’s ’not like a flight or a business meeting’ and doesn’t warrant basic manners. Yes it does. Someone has spent money on your child.

In future just invite your child’s actual friends op, rather than every Tom, Dick & Harry. They’re more likely to turn up, and it will be considerably cheaper.

Well I would send an apology text. It takes a few minutes and is rude not to.

And your response indicates a rigidity and inflexibility that shows a real lack of care and humility for others.

Maybe friends of a child should be invited and not everyone?

I usually set up a group and send a reminder a couple of days before.

It happens.

Your attitude about commitments to others being unimportant because you are busy is just really selfish. Dismissing a quarter of people dropping a commitment which is costing someone else money, time and effort as just something that should be expected shows far less care for others.

Your insistence that forgetfulness is a choice shows a lack of understanding around cognitive function and a real lack of appreciation that for a wide range of reasons, not everyone is able to function in the same way as others around birthday parties.

No one intends to accept and invite and then no show. If only we were all as perfect as you are. In reality of course you aren’t perfect and there’ll be times you drop the ball too, even if you don’t acknowledge it.

If only we were all as perfect as you are. In reality of course you aren’t perfect and there’ll be times you drop the ball too, even if you don’t acknowledge it.

The whole “Ha! You think you’re so perfect” routine isn’t doing your argument much good, to be honest. It sounds a bit defensive and pouty; like you’re trying to shift the blame.

I haven't said people choose to forget things. I've said that not developing the tools to remind in time is a choice.

Most people find it difficult to remember everything, especially once they get busy with families. The people who remember aren't super talented in some way. They've just put effort into things like recording appointments, taking time to check their schedule, automating reminders in a way that works for them, etc.

So many people make excuses now for neurodivergence, but almost no one can just remember all their appointments. The issue isn't with not being able to operate in the same way as everyone else, the issue is with not putting in place what you need to be decent to other people. What people can do is develop systems that work for them to stop them missing things they've agreed or want to do instead of making excuses.

Of course things can still fall through the cracks, emergenicies happen, etc. and if OP had said one person hadn't turned up or called, then that's would be a good call. But with 4 out of 17 it is unlikely to be about people who have actually bothered all having an unusual slip up on the same day. Far more likely to be about people who constantly make excuses for themselves, whether around missing the party or not apologising when something does go wrong.