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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not forget a kids party

112 replies

Comeonicandoit · 22/02/2025 22:02

My kid had her birthday party this afternoon. It was at a place where you are charged per child, and you confirm two weeks before how many will attend.
We had 17 kids confirm (more than we’d have guessed!!), but four didn’t turn up today. That includes two siblings so three families. They absolutely know where the venue is as we have been there before for other parties. I checked the invite and and info was accurate, and I definitely didn’t receive any apologies. I paid £16 per child so I lost out on £64. This isn’t spare change to me 😔. Plus There was food wasted and extra party bags brought home, and I can’t help but feel very disappointed. Mostly, and because I’m an anxious sort, I’m
now so anxious about what will be said at the school gates. Will they ignore me? Will they even realise if they forgot?!

YABU - get over it
YANBU - that’s rubbish

OP posts:
LittleMonks11 · 23/02/2025 00:06

You didn't lose any money as you had paid anyway. You have no idea why they didn't turn up (could have been illness or family emergency). It's crap they didnt't let you know but you mustn't lose sleep over it. That's life. Do send reminders/confirmations a day or two ahead next time. Chalk it up. Did your child have a great birthday party? That's the main thing.

Notgivenuphope · 23/02/2025 00:11

BooomShakeTheRoom · 22/02/2025 22:05

yanbu to feel upset about it. But everyone has busy lives and it’s so easy to forget. I think you’ll be best just to let it go.

no it isn't. you wouldn't forget an important work meeting, the day you catch a flight, make an important payment or something your really want to do because you write it down, set reminders and make sure you are there.

pizzaHeart · 23/02/2025 00:20

It happened on DD’s first big party -two kids didn’t turn up. Both parents saw me the day before and confirmed attendance. None of them sent apologies. Tbf both families were a bit strange so I made a note to myself and never had anything more then Hello with them again.
Our soft play allowed to have little extras for absent children though so it wasn’t all lost.

MargaretThursday · 23/02/2025 00:23

I once took dd2 a week early. Not only that, but I'd mentioned it to dd2 before school, and she'd told her friends, and was so convinced three others turned up too. Oops. 😊

Vegboxwonder · 23/02/2025 00:25

I think what most people are missing here OP is that money is tight, and due to more kids confirming than expected, the party went over your planned budget, which might not have been the case if the four kids who didn't turn up hadn't confirmed. £64 is a lot of money, but it's gone now, and not worth losing sleep over.

RawBloomers · 23/02/2025 00:32

It is rubbish, OP. I would remember who they are and not invite them to things you have to pay out for again.

But there’s nothing else to be done other than get over it.

MotherJessAndKittens · 23/02/2025 00:38

Could be illness or parents forgot. Our family tend to do 1 big party age5/6 then actual friends they play with and know the parents. DS children now have 5/6 actual friends they play with all the time and we will prob do the same. It’s rude not to let people know but better not to have a kid who has an infectious illness at last minute. DS was at a party recently when a kid was sick and he took charge 🤣 Told everyone at that side of table to move across to other side. Party parents were in hoots 😂

Barleysugar86 · 23/02/2025 00:47

We always do the reminders/ check in a day or two before and have had everyone turn up, I do think it helps.

I haven't missed a party yet, but have been guilty of being on route to a party to realise I messed up the day and it wasn't until the next day... got knows how, I'd looked at the invite on our notice board all week... party parents were none the wiser of course when we did join the next day, but I do think I got lucky I wasn't a day late instead.

Blueberry911 · 23/02/2025 01:40

Parents who forget to take their children to parties are a huge pet peeve. Get a bloody calendar. It's showing your children that they're not important. You remember things for yourself, you should also remember to honour commitments for your children that you have RSVPed yes to as a non negotiable. There's no excuse to not go to something you RSVPed to simply because you "forgot" with no extenuating circumstances.

PeloMom · 23/02/2025 01:42

To be fair with all the illnesses going around I’d expect few no shows.

Biffsboys · 23/02/2025 01:57

OrangeYaGlad · 22/02/2025 23:07

You didn't lose out on anything. You'd pay the 64 quid if they were there, you paid when they're not. It doesn't actually affect you or your bank balance either way.
It's annoying and it's bad form but you've not lost anything

You can’t see why it’s a wasted £64 when no one got the benefit of it ?

Stopsnowing · 23/02/2025 02:01

I used to book that lower number and check with the venue that you could accommodate a few extra if paid extra on arrival on the day and they usually could so that is what I would do.

BooomShakeTheRoom · 23/02/2025 08:13

Notgivenuphope · 23/02/2025 00:11

no it isn't. you wouldn't forget an important work meeting, the day you catch a flight, make an important payment or something your really want to do because you write it down, set reminders and make sure you are there.

Show quote history

A kids party isn’t akin to an important work meeting or flight though - at all.

Bushmillsbabe · 23/02/2025 08:14

TheChosenTwo · 22/02/2025 22:43

Dc2 was meant to go to a party once during half term and we just completely bloody forgot. I had bought and wrapped the present in advance which was so rare for me and come the day of the party it just totally slipped my mind.
remembered on the Sunday before being back to school. Felt awful and texted the party parents apologising. They were so lovely about it but I did feel terrible.
we gave the birthday boy their present at school and invited him back to play one day and have dinner in the week.
Yanbu to feel pissed off but you had already spent that money already so whether they turned up or not you would have been down £64. Sorry though, it’s crap when us parents forget stuff but I’d guess it’s not intentional.

Giving the present shows that it was a genuine mistake. 3 didn't show to my daughters 5th, 1 messaged on day 'sorry we have other plans now' and 2 just didn't show. No apology, no present, so most likely were never planning on coming, despite confirming

Bushmillsbabe · 23/02/2025 08:15

PeloMom · 23/02/2025 01:42

To be fair with all the illnesses going around I’d expect few no shows.

Absolutely, but I would expect a message saying " so sorry, X can't come as unwell. Hope X has a lovely time, will give you their present on school run'

Bushmillsbabe · 23/02/2025 08:18

Ohplesandbanonos · 22/02/2025 22:33

For future - I always make a reason to text 2 or 3 days before the party - 'just checking no allergies/all still coming/please make sure you register your car's number plate' etc.

We've been lucky, the 2 or 3 who've had something come up let us know at that point and we have been able to invite family friends or neighbours to come make up the party.

I messaged day before my daughters 5th 'just to let you know, party will be outside, in case you want to bring sunscreen/hat" and still had 3 not come.

RedPlumJammy · 23/02/2025 08:20

Unacceptable and no excuses or busy lives make it ok.

Op my child once had a bday invite sent home but it was stuffed at the bottom of his bag and I didn’t find it until a couple of days before (after the rsvp cut off). I text the mum straight away and explained and said he’d love to come. She told me it was too late and he was no longer invited basically 🥺

After that I personally never did paper invites again!!

mitogoshigg · 23/02/2025 08:21

Unfortunately this often happens, people forget, something else comes up or they are sick. Perhaps choose to have a party at home next time, that's an awfully large amount to spend on a kids party

RedPlumJammy · 23/02/2025 08:22

BooomShakeTheRoom · 23/02/2025 08:13

A kids party isn’t akin to an important work meeting or flight though - at all.

Show quote history

No but pps point is that as a functioning adult you don’t miss things like this either basic organising skills. It’s called respect and manners.

BellissimoGecko · 23/02/2025 08:26

BlondiePortz · 22/02/2025 23:50

It is rude not to contact but I would move on , I do wonder with the idea that people are meant to invite everyone in the class how on earth parents manage to fit all the parties and keep up with which child is going to which party when and then unexpected things happen

Parents would need their own PA, if you need to pay for people I would confirm but that is why we have a bit of food and kids show up if they do there is no extra cost parties

You have a diary in which you write the party and time on the correct date. You buy a gift, check your diary and turn up. It's not difficult.

Shessweetbutapsycho · 23/02/2025 08:38

PeloMom · 23/02/2025 01:42

To be fair with all the illnesses going around I’d expect few no shows.

I’d expect an apologetic message in the morning letting me know they wouldn’t be coming

Serene135 · 23/02/2025 09:01

Some people can be incredibly rude. Often a no show can unfortunately be because they just can’t be bothered or got a better offer. If someone was ill or there was an emergency surely they would have text to apologise. Take it on the chin, OP. Don’t contact the parents and tell them you’re annoyed; just don’t invite their children to anything else in future. We have got a party bag box containing lots of little bits. Just put leftover party bag things in there and use them in the future.

fatphalange · 23/02/2025 09:03

Most people who don't turn up are being rude, not forgetful. Children who are looking forward to parties wouldn't let their parents forget! There is going shopping for the present, excited chatter about what they'll do at the party, talk in class about it etc
Not having the balls to get in touch to let the party parent know they can no longer be arsed (insert excuse) is doubly rude.

uglyjessie · 23/02/2025 09:10

I would have sent a reminder text "looking forward to seeing you tomorrow at 11am"

Not showing up is rude but people do forget

ohyesherewego · 23/02/2025 09:20

I always message a couple of days before hosting a party checking if there are any food allergies- really my message is intended to remind people not to forget the party is in a couple of days..!

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