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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Functional Birthday Present

158 replies

RandomUser456878 · 22/02/2025 19:19

Wanting to hear opinions on this birthday present

My girlfriend is 39 weeks pregnant, its her birthday this week & she's due the week after. For a while she's mentioned about getting either a coffee machine or a kettle for our bedroom. Everytime we go to a hotel, we say we should get one for our room.

Anyhow, a few days back I saw an Ad for a Russell Hobbs 'Calm' Kettle. Its a 'quiet boil' kettle that places soothing, meditation like sounds while its boiling. Video linked here Hadn't seen anything like this before and thought it was quite unique.

Also Thought it would be perfect for making cups of tea in the night/Morning, while soothing the baby with the noises instead of waking it up with the noises of a kettle & we could use for sterilising if we needed too.

Along side the kettle, I got some nice mugs from Dunelm, some little spoons & a matching tray & matching bowl for used teabags. Teabags, Coffee Sachets & Milk Sachets.
Essentially made up a little area like a hotel in our bedroom
Spent £150 in total

It arrived today so set it up & said she can have her birthday present early. But she was abit disappointed. She thinks its a 'house purchase' and shouldn't be a birthday present.
By 'House Purchase' she means just a standard thing we should just buy for the house.

To add some more context on our situation... We have alot of disposible income each month & pretty much buy whatever we want/need so we're hard to buy presents for.
We're also pretty much sorted for the baby so don't need anything there. Our parents gave us money for Christmas which we've just banked for the baby.

AIBU - Crap Present, It should be a standard buy
AINBU - Good Present

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 22/02/2025 19:22

If she had bought it for your birthday present how would you feel?

HeyItsPickleRick · 22/02/2025 19:22

If it was for the kitchen I’d say YABU, as she specifically wanted a station in the bedroom like a hotel, I think it’s actually a really thoughtful gift. But good to know in future that anything you’ll use too/house related is off the cards! Could be that she’s a bit fed up by this point?

Crazycatlady79 · 22/02/2025 19:26

I think it shows quite a lot of thought!

Grenadescganades · 22/02/2025 19:26

I would love this as an a tea o holic .

would be upset with a hoover or mop as very much ‘household appliance’

but my own in bed tea station - would be chuffed to bits with !

MumChp · 22/02/2025 19:28

I wouldn't have been to impressed.

naemates · 22/02/2025 19:28

I think it's thoughtful, especially the calm one (which I have seen and thought for goodness sake what's wrong with a normal kettle, and you've just shown me why it could be valuable) but people have different ideas of what makes a gift thoughtful, and I guess your job is to find what she thinks is thoughtful rather than what you think is thoughtful

Moonnstars · 22/02/2025 19:28

I think it sounds thoughtful. You have remembered her saying it's something she would like and have gone to the effort of putting the bits together.

Bigfellabamboo · 22/02/2025 19:28

Id have been made up with that lol, then again I ask for things like window vacs and garden border edging tools for my birthday haha . Sounds like you put a great deal of thought into it.

Original poster
RandomUser456878 · 22/02/2025 19:29

HeyItsPickleRick · 22/02/2025 19:22

If it was for the kitchen I’d say YABU, as she specifically wanted a station in the bedroom like a hotel, I think it’s actually a really thoughtful gift. But good to know in future that anything you’ll use too/house related is off the cards! Could be that she’s a bit fed up by this point?

You nailed both our points of view here..

My point of view is.. As its in the bedroom and something she wanted & has asked for it was a good gift. Especially with the timing of having the baby next week, Its not just a generic kettle but plays the noises like meditation. Its something which benefits the situation we're in

Without saying it word for word, her point of view is I'll also be using it so I've kind of benefiting from it.

She told me a story that her hairdresser had a women in who had received a hoover for her birthday. Which would be the same as it being a kettle for the kitchen

OP posts:
CorbyTrouserPress · 22/02/2025 19:30

Sounds like a thoughtful present but I can see where she’s coming from because it’s something you both wanted not something personal for her.

My DH bought me a toilet for Xmas once. Now that’s a shit present.

gamerchick · 22/02/2025 19:31

Only buy functional gifts for the house on a birthday/Christmas if they've been specifically asked for.

Stop trying to justify it to her, tell her you fucked up and you'll make up for it.

titchy · 22/02/2025 19:32

Mate, she's about to have your baby and you bought her a kettle?!!!! Next time - diamond earrings eh.

TimeForTeaAndG · 22/02/2025 19:32

I asked for a food mixer one year so I'm definitely on the side of practical gifts are thoughtful even if you won't be the only one who uses it (see also, "my" Nintendo switch and various other items in the house).

But...you've had, at minimum, 39 weeks to get to know your girlfriend so I would have expected her to have at some point also made it obvious where her thoughts lie on gift-giving.

Anyway, she's 39 weeks and therefore cannot be wrong so just say you're sorry you got it wrong, promise a "proper" gift and look forward to the arrival of a snuggly newborn very soon.

Kindlethefourth · 22/02/2025 19:33

Is this a first baby? It is a lovely idea but maybe her reaction is caught up in a concern about being seen as just a Mum rather than a woman when baby comes. Could you afford some nice jewellery as a gift for her when baby arrives?

BigHeadBertha · 22/02/2025 19:35

Well. If I was 39 weeks pregnant I’d probably want my boyfriend to give me an engagement ring instead of a teapot but that’s just me.

Otherwise, I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable. You just learned something new about her, is all. She prefers gifts that are more personal than small appliances. Okay, then. I hope she does understand how much thought you put into it, though.

naemates · 22/02/2025 19:36

Get her jewellery as a push present

Merrygoround8 · 22/02/2025 19:38

I think you really meant well and it’s thoughtful. But if she wants presents in future to be things for her and her alone, now you know.
It would have been hard to impress me at 39 weeks too tbh so perhaps you were always on the back foot 😂

Lalaland67 · 22/02/2025 19:38

Have you bought her anything else? My DH loves buying a practical present but he has learnt to get a few non-practical surprises as well.

BendingSpoons · 22/02/2025 19:38

I think it's lovely, you put a lot of effort in to it and it will make her life easier. However it is hard being heavily pregnant and sometimes you can feel you are no longer 'you' but 'mum-to-be'. I wonder if that is impacting her views, as the present is partly because she is pregnant and will be up in the night more.

I bought gig tickets for DHs birthday but went too. We both benefitted but I did all the organising and we wouldn't have gone if I didn't.

Crazykefir · 22/02/2025 19:40

I wouldn't want a kettle in the bedroom when the baby is mobile. I wanted a decent piece of jewellery when I had dd (didn't get it)

Lalaland67 · 22/02/2025 19:41

You said you gave her the present early? If it hasn’t been her birthday yet I would redeem yourself by getting a few extra presents!

Original poster
RandomUser456878 · 22/02/2025 19:42

Lalaland67 · 22/02/2025 19:38

Have you bought her anything else? My DH loves buying a practical present but he has learnt to get a few non-practical surprises as well.

I had bought a Sanctuary Spa 'Mum & Baby' spa set but I've given that my mum to give her along with some other bits off our Baby Wishlist

So I had planned just the Tea station. Although Its now a 'house purchase' 😂
Will just book a holiday somewhere for us to go on in maternity/paternity leave as thats the easiest option

OP posts:
UnderHisEeyore · 22/02/2025 19:43

I can see both sides to a point. However I do think if you buy a household "white good" it is just that, not a gift. You know for the future. Next time even a clothes voucher would probably be better received, if you struggle.

Original poster
RandomUser456878 · 22/02/2025 19:44

titchy · 22/02/2025 19:32

Mate, she's about to have your baby and you bought her a kettle?!!!! Next time - diamond earrings eh.

Haha She wouldnt be interested in earrings.

I'm probably gonna just book a trip for later in the year. Just seen some good flights for thailand for November

OP posts:
Thereunion · 22/02/2025 19:44

We call these flat presents (a phrase coined 15 years ago at university). Women always get these sort of gifts and men never do. Fair enough if someone asks for a fancy coffee machine or whatever but yes mugs from dunelm are not the one.