Functional Birthday Present

[RandomUser456878]

Wanting to hear opinions on this birthday present

My girlfriend is 39 weeks pregnant, its her birthday this week & she's due the week after. For a while she's mentioned about getting either a coffee machine or a kettle for our bedroom. Everytime we go to a hotel, we say we should get one for our room.

Anyhow, a few days back I saw an Ad for a Russell Hobbs 'Calm' Kettle. Its a 'quiet boil' kettle that places soothing, meditation like sounds while its boiling. Video linked here Hadn't seen anything like this before and thought it was quite unique.

Also Thought it would be perfect for making cups of tea in the night/Morning, while soothing the baby with the noises instead of waking it up with the noises of a kettle & we could use for sterilising if we needed too.

Along side the kettle, I got some nice mugs from Dunelm, some little spoons & a matching tray & matching bowl for used teabags. Teabags, Coffee Sachets & Milk Sachets.
Essentially made up a little area like a hotel in our bedroom
Spent £150 in total

It arrived today so set it up & said she can have her birthday present early. But she was abit disappointed. She thinks its a 'house purchase' and shouldn't be a birthday present.
By 'House Purchase' she means just a standard thing we should just buy for the house.

To add some more context on our situation... We have alot of disposible income each month & pretty much buy whatever we want/need so we're hard to buy presents for.
We're also pretty much sorted for the baby so don't need anything there. Our parents gave us money for Christmas which we've just banked for the baby.

AIBU - Crap Present, It should be a standard buy
AINBU - Good Present

yeah we got the pebble 360 pro which has lie flat.

She’s from the midlands so we’ll be driving 2 hours regularly but we always stop half way for food at the services anyhow

Btw I'd always rather the kettle than diamonds

I get that you will be benefiting from it as well but for my partners 50th I paid for a hotel in a European city he wanted to go to. I went as well so that gift was for me too (although he wanted it and it isn't somewhere I would have chosen to go to.)
So I think it's a good present but everyone is different and she doesn't.
Maybe you could say I thought this would be thoughtful but since it's not what you would have chosen for a present here is a voucher to get yourself some bits once the baby is born.

Clearly she much prefers personal gifts. If you didn’t know that before you do now!

I too would regard that as a ‘house purchase’ & appreciate it, but not as my birthday present. I prefer personal gifts (low cost) but have occasionally asked for specific, practical ones for my birthday.

Also, YOU are ‘quite against flowers’, but is she?

I don't think it can be called a 'house purchase' given that OP didn't want/need it, and a bedroom kettle is hardly a standard house item.

Yes it's a house present. I wouldn't be happy with a kettle for a birthday present however fancy. As it is something you will both use and use for the baby.
Some perfume she would like, a voucher for the spa or some jewellery would be better.

I think it was thoughtful - something she wanted with the extra thought in getting cups and everything to go with it etc.

I guess she's probably just exhausted from being heavily pregnant.

He said they could use it to sterilise the baby's things and to soothe the baby. So it's not personal to her
. He also said every time they go to a hotel they say they should get something similar for the bedroom so he obviously thinks it a good idea too and he will use it just as he will use the mugs and tea bags.

If you are thinking of getting her something else, would something like really nice pyjamas and a beautiful dressing gown and slippers work?

I think something like that would be nice for when she is in hospital/first home with baby. Although maybe this is too much of a practical gift?

He said when they go to hotels they both say they should buy one for the bedroom. So it is something he wanted. She didn't ask for it as a birthday gift.

@RandomUser456878 nice thought but not as a stand alone present. .

Agree the added context about sterilising things isn't helpful, but it sounded like it was her that kept mentioning it, not both of them. He thinks it will be a faff washing things up.

Well this would be my dream birthday present, as a mum as well!
I saw this kettle at the start of the year, and explicitly told my family that I will want this for my birthday this year 🤣
As for the dunelm mugs... I'm going to have to get myself to dunelm. I want this exact setup for my kitchen!!

@RandomUser456878 also I skimmed through your other posts
tbh it sounds like you are treating her like “mum” already she needs to still be her . And feel special
Id be pissed with all the gifts for a baby when it’s met to for me .

Go out and get flowers and her favourite juice drink at the moment . Cook a special dinner and get online to order a spa day .
Nothing mumsie or gym gear either (no pressure ahy)

I would absolutely love that. Functional AND pretty is my idea of the perfect present. My other half got me a gorgeous porcelain dinner service. My mum got me a webcam. I am happy!

However. It wasn't her idea of a present, so.

She's about to give birth, so have a look at eternity rings.

Also, the baby themselves - newborns, fairly portable, crawling mobile children, less so. By November baby will be 8-9 months ish (if she’s due soon) so may well be mobile, not as easily entertained as a newborn and generally not happy about the flight / jet lag.

I’m firmly of the belief you don’t have to lock yourself at home but I also don’t think babies should just slot into your life - they’re little humans with their own wants and needs, and a long haul flight followed by a tropical holiday is highly unlikely to be enjoyable for them either.

I took my 13 month old to a long haul wedding, and will hold off going anywhere long haul until she’s older now - the jet lag scuppered her, she was tired, out of sorts and whilst she adores the beach, was clearly just a bit miserable. In hindsight that trip was very much for us, rather than for her.

I really think it depends on individuals. There are lots of people who are saying you should have bought flowers, jewellery, spa day, clothes, perfume etc. None of that would appeal to me and I much prefer the kettle and mug idea, especially as it was based on saying she would like it.
The rest is just buying for the sake of buying and going through a tick list of what men should buy. Fine if you know she has a favourite flower, or is hankering over a particular piece of jewellery, but to me a general random buy of these items is a lot less personal than the supposed 'house item'.

Ps I don’t think the present was bad, but I don’t mind functional presents! Lesson learned that your partner does not!

Pretty much the same as my christmas present from DP. I absolutely love my bedroom tea station more than anything, best present I've ever had. But it's different strokes for different folks, I don't like Pretty things really, I'd be disappointed with a handbag or a necklace.

I don't personally really like holidays for presents, it feels a little lazy and abit "we'd go there anyway." But then my ex once "gifted" me a holiday then had me book it on my birthday. Also gifted me holidays with him after we'd split sharing a bed, so maybe that colours my view now.

YABU- I think it’s something that will benefit you both so it should have just been bought for the house. Especially if money is no issue.

id have got her something personal to treat her esp being preg as likelihood is once baby is here she won’t have much time to pamper herself. Or just have time or herself.
and I would have just set the kettle up as something nice to do.

I thought it was quite a nice thoughtful present. Maybe she didn't realise the planning and thought that went into it. Or maybe it's just a no for all "house presents" in future.

It's hard though trying to think of something if you can and do buy stuff you want without needing to wait. When we were not as comfortably off as we are now we would have a wish list for birthdays and Christmas. These days we struggle to think of anything because if there is something we want we just get it there and then. First world problems eh? 😂

Won’t you benefit from that too though?!

Id get her a massage and haircut for when the baby is old enough for her to have a break

the only people I have ever heard say they don't like flowers are those who say they'd prefer eg a particular perennial for the garden etc
buy the flowers, just don't get lilies

There's a lot of scare mongering on here about travelling with a baby. Yes it takes more thought, but is easily achievable. We travelled 7 hours to Scotland when ours was 8 weeks old, after having already done multiple day trips up to 3 hours away. Done several (admittedly short haul) flights with our eldest since they were a baby too.

The one thing I would consider for that trip to Wales, is if baby is 2 weeks late and then she needs a c section, there is no way she's sitting in the car for an hour and a half and then socialising.

I wouldn't book things (you said you haven't) just because of the timeline, not because you can't do it. I would be preparing to miss the 80th birthday though, depending on how the birth goes.