Having been in this position in a friendship group in recent years, with people I really loved, it was a real shock when it dawned on me that it wasn’t reciprocated. There were some other things going on, that were nothing to do with me, but the end result still meant I was dropped.
It really really hurts when you realise that people you really love and have prioritised maybe have different priorities. I get that. And I did try to express some of this but - as many have said - people want to be the good guy and they are never straight about what they are up to. If they were the type of people to play with a straight bat, you wouldn’t be on here posting about how they’ve been and my ex friends wouldn’t have been so spineless.
I wish I’d just dropped the rope (although I got there in the end) and focused on myself and those who love me. I also had to look at myself and question why I chose not to see what was in front of my face or why I ran after these people as long as I did.
Im so sorry that you are in the sharp end of this right now and how it hurts. But in a year or so, you WILL have learned some powerful lessons that you will need to be a strong parent and role model for your kids.
So. Having been on the pointy end of this, would I go back and say they’d hurt me or ask why? No. Would I ask my husband to ask? No.
What would anything they have to say change? Their behaviour speaks for itself. Now that you know about it, what else can they do or say - what they’ve done is horrible and excluding and there’s no dressing it up? If they were kind people, they wouldn’t have done this or they’d have spoken to you in the past. Part of what you are feeling is the shock that you’ve seen who they are and they aren’t who you thought. Some things cannot be unseen and the loss of what you thought you had takes time to process. Maybe at some point your husband could TELL them that HE’s very unhappy with their conduct towards you when it inevitably comes up at some future point. But I wouldn’t be asking - because what possible excuse do they have!!!? Nor would I be giving them the opportunity to BS me - which they absolutely will do. Also, for me, at this point an apology is meaningless because it’s not a one off slip up, but a WHOLE YEAR of consistent choices and ignoring you on what’sapp. Shameful.
As many have said, withdrawing was the best thing I did. It wasn’t petulance. It was for my peace. Am I rude if I bump into them? Well, I do try and avoid them but if I absolutely have no other option, I am polite, but distanced. I am however not available for them in any meaningful level any more now they’ve shown me who they are and having slighted me in similar ways to those you describe whilst I haven’t called it out, I am absolutely not going to pretend they have any access to me at all. In my view, I was completely open in my friendship and to find out theirs was a pretence - well, it was a deception. Once I hit over the hurt, I was offended and now I think it’s laughable. I’m a bloody good friend and person and frankly they didn’t know a good thing when they had one. Even at the time, when I finally copped on to their BS, I said “they’ll need me before I need them.” And this is definitely true for you, OP.
There is absolutely zero chance I’d do another bloody thing for your MIL if I were you. To be so underhand about these meetings but to cosy up to me to get me to do stuff for her..? Fair enough if people don’t like me, but a) to PRETEND? And b) to ask for favours whilst cutting me out of the fun? I don’t think so. You will look back and the embarrassment will fade and you will realise that they are the ones who should be mortified. And probably will be to have been caught out rather than their actual poor, cliquey mean-girl behaviour. These types of women (not all women, but always these types of women) always hunt in packs. No thanks. Mine was painful, but I don’t miss something that wasn’t real. I am really now much happier living in the light now. I’m not even mad about it any more. Instead of me feeling weak and embarrassed at having been dropped, I feel set free. And so will you. The people who did this to me didn’t deserve me. And nor does your MIL. In time, you will know this to be true instead of feeling shame and humiliation and the pain of rejection. You need to give yourself time to heal and be vigilant about your boundaries with them henceforth. Husband needs to follow YOUR lead. Nice that he’s steaming and wanting to go into bat for you though - refreshing to read about that on here.
Be kind to yourself, OP.