Plane seat upset

[Foodieasfuck]

We travelled back from holiday yesterday. I booked (and paid for) an aisle seat and a middle seat (as this is our preference) The flight was full so we knew that someone would be sat on the window seat. The man arrived after us and it was very obvious that he was going to really struggle to squeeze across 2 seats and into his seat. He was very, very overweight (no judgement, just stating the facts).
He asked us if we could please just move over so that he could sit on the end. It was a 4.5 hour flight and I had chosen the aisle seat so that I can get to the loo easily. (Weak bladder).
The stewardess got involved and also asked us if we could ‘just move over’. It was really embarrassing for all concerned but I stood my ground and politely refused. The man duly took the window seat but it took him a while to shuffle over. He hadn’t paid for a seat in advance, it was randomly allocated at check in. There was no bad feeling. He was a nice man. He needed the loo once during the flights and we happily let him out.

I don’t believe I was unreasonable as I’d paid for the seats but it’s left me feeling a bit bad for him. There isn’t much point in paying for seats if you can’t actually sit on them. Was I unreasonable?

Isn't it just that sitting bolt upright on long haul flights seems to be de rigeur on Mumsnet? If reclining seats was unacceptable, planes and their seating would not be manufactured this way!

This kind of thinking is absolutely insane 😂 Only the rich are allowed to sleep.

See later post... it was a tongue-in-cheek comment.
I do not hate children (well, not al of them)

To ask someone to move out to let you into your seat. Why is that embarrassing? Virtually nobody could get to a window seat without the people on he others moving out of the way

We returned from a city break this week. DP had an aisle seat but there was a woman sitting in his place. When he mentioned to her that she was sitting in the wrong seat she abruptly said “I’m pregnant” - nothing else. DP just sat by the window (her actual seat) but I thought she was incredibly rude to not even ask if it was ok to swap.

You were not being unreasonable.
He knew he needed/wanted an aisle seat and didn't book one.
You knew you needed/wanted an aisle seat so booked one. And presumably paid for it.

Nothing wrong with asking politely ONCE if he could swap, but the answer needed to be accepted with grace immediately. It wasn't, clearly, and that's the issue.

I actually hurt myself trying to get out from under a reclined seat to go to the loo. Had a slightly numb feeling in my thigh for months afterwards.

If you need more room pay the extra money for the seat you need.

That definitely applies to people who don't like the person in front doing the entirely normal and sensible thing of reclining their seat to sleep.

When you pay for a seat you are paying for the right to sit in that seat, not for the right not to be politely ask to swap.
He asked politely, you declined politely. And that's the end of that.

He didn't need an aisle seat or at least not enough to pay for one. He just asked as he's entitled to do.
I love a window seat but only ever pay for DH needs the aisle. So I tend to get allocated the middle. I'd move from an allocated aisle to a window in a shot.

How does anyone know whose seat is allocated and who has paid anyway?

Well he was. If he knew an aisle seat was better for him, he should have paid for one rather than asking others to move.

He might not have been able to. Perhaps he had to book a flight at the last minute for whatever reason. If he had that option then he should have booked an aisle but they might have already all been booked. I personally think I would have just moved across even though I massively prefer the aisle and book an aisle when I can. You'd surely only need the loo once or twice in a short flight even with a weaker bladder. However you had every right to say no and he had every right to ask.

But they're also designed to be upright. And they're also designed to have a table and often TV screen for the passenger behind, which then can't be used if the person in front has reclined their seat.

In an ideal world, it would get to a particular time when every single passenger would want to recline their seat and all fine and good; but in reality, people are going to have different wants, needs and preferences, meaning that one person 'wins' at the expense of the basic comfort of the other.

You might as well say that power tools are designed to make a loud, harsh noise - so with that in mind, you have a perfect right to use them at 2 o'clock on a Monday morning. To be fair, even if you wait until 2pm to use them, it's still going to seriously put out night shift workers and wake babies whose parents have struggled for ages to get to sleep.

Phones are designed with speakers, which you can turn right up and watch something fascinating at home, and all fine; but some folk also use them when they're on a crowded bus or train.

Just because something is 'designed' to work in a certain way, that doesn't mean that others won't experience negative effects if you use them - even with the best intentions.

I was in this situation and sitting in the middle seat and I had a full on panic attack because I was so claustrophobic - the guy was taking up part of my seat and I'm short so I just felt surrounded. Plus he was very hot so I was getting damp from his sweat.

I wish people would get 2 seats if they need them, there should be bigger seat options as well in economy.

He asked a question you answered it, he was fine, you are fine. End of.

Honestly. Not everything needs to be a MN thread. Next time just text your mate and tell them!

Of course you can still watch the tv! I've been on loads of long haul flights. The person in front of me has always reclined and I've never had a problem. It has never even crossed my mind to get upset by it.

Yes, him needing/preferring a particular seat is one issue; him not bothering to book it is quite another.

You can't deliberately fail to plan and then just expect others to change their plans to accommodate you.

Just like with the parents who don't bother to plan ahead for their children's needs and then expect everybody else to jump when they say "But I've got a bay-bee!", I wonder if he's used to never planning or booking according to his needs and just turning up and assuming people will move for him.

I think the flight attendant is really out of order here. She shouldn’t be asking people to “just move” when she knows half the plane probably paid for their seats! You were totally in the right OP and shouldn’t have been made to feel guilty.

Yes, you can still glimpse the screen, but the angle will be all different - and often not at all comfortable.

You still can't comfortably use the table, though.

Definitely not unreasonable.
I buy seats because I want the aisle (anxiety gives me an overactive bladder).
I wouldn't switch for anything.

Non issue.
He wasn't unreasonable asking, you were not unreasonable saying no.
End of. No drama.

You can adjust the angle of the screen! The seats do have to be upright during meals and I have been able to use the table for drinks whilst the person in front in reclined.

No drama perhaps but the op felt uncomfortable as the cabin crew pressured them too.

Just book an aisle seat if you need one.

Yes, I agree. Airlines have gone to the effort of offering a premium service - actually named 'business class' - which will be ideal for people who need to keep working and have a relaxed, quiet atmosphere for keeping a level head - and then other comfortably-off people seize on it and bring their little kids in! Yes, some of them may well sleep and/or be quiet, but the odds are that little kids will be noisy and disruptive.

It's a bit like going to the cinema to see a film clearly labelled as an 18, taking your kids along with you and then expecting them to put Bluey on instead, as the other film is inappropriate for them!