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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Plane seat upset

223 replies

Foodieasfuck · 22/02/2025 08:29

We travelled back from holiday yesterday. I booked (and paid for) an aisle seat and a middle seat (as this is our preference) The flight was full so we knew that someone would be sat on the window seat. The man arrived after us and it was very obvious that he was going to really struggle to squeeze across 2 seats and into his seat. He was very, very overweight (no judgement, just stating the facts).
He asked us if we could please just move over so that he could sit on the end. It was a 4.5 hour flight and I had chosen the aisle seat so that I can get to the loo easily. (Weak bladder).
The stewardess got involved and also asked us if we could ‘just move over’. It was really embarrassing for all concerned but I stood my ground and politely refused. The man duly took the window seat but it took him a while to shuffle over. He hadn’t paid for a seat in advance, it was randomly allocated at check in. There was no bad feeling. He was a nice man. He needed the loo once during the flights and we happily let him out.

I don’t believe I was unreasonable as I’d paid for the seats but it’s left me feeling a bit bad for him. There isn’t much point in paying for seats if you can’t actually sit on them. Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
Eldermilleniallyogii · 22/02/2025 08:58

Things like this annoy me as you were not in the wrong to say no but then I would feel bad too. If you paid for that seat would the airline have refunded you if you'd moved? I'd have asked him if there's a reason why he didn't book a seat maybe but I'd have definitely told the flight attendance I've paid for a seat. I don't think you were wrong and there were other aisle seats someone could have given him.

Trickabrick · 22/02/2025 09:00

Blushingm · 22/02/2025 08:58

The stewardess could have just seen him standing there talking - during boarding if people do t sit straight down it causes a bottleneck so she may have just come over to see what was going on?🤷🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

I’m not disputing that might have happened but your summary of it sounded like the man simply accepted her first answer and that was the end of the issue 🤷🏻‍♀️

SaoirseIsAinmDom · 22/02/2025 09:01

I don't think anyone was unreasonable here. You both needed the aisle seat for different reasons. He hadn't booked one though, which meant he didn't get one.

If anything, someone else on an aisle seat who didn't need it could have swapped. If I had been there and in an aisle seat, I'd like to think I'd have offered to give it to either you or the man.

theotherplace · 22/02/2025 09:03

I'd blame the stewardess tbh. She knows the rules - pre book your seats

Gloriia · 22/02/2025 09:11

WonderingWanda · 22/02/2025 08:46

Op the bad feeling you have is because we are conditioned to be people pleasers and for once you have stood your ground and pleased yourself. Don't feel bad about it, you also had a genuine reason for wanting the aisle seat. Feel proud of yourself.

This. We are all programmed to be obliging. Well done for standing your ground.
Hopefully he will plan ahead next time and and book an aisle seat or even 2 seats.

MumCanIHaveASnackPlease · 22/02/2025 09:12

YANBU, if he had an ounce of self awareness he’d know he’s too fat for the window seat and would have saved himself some embarrassment and paid to allocate himself aisle seat.

ValentineValentineV · 22/02/2025 09:14

You were not unreasonable.

Margorett · 22/02/2025 09:18

cinnamonbunfight · 22/02/2025 08:36

Of course he was! He should’ve booked an aisle seat if he needed one!

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perhaps he had booked late and this was his only choice !

Yazzi · 22/02/2025 09:21

Maybe he was asking because he didn't know you'd paid for it, he may have assumed you were randomly allocated too.

Sounds like he asked, was told no, didn't fight it, flight was pleasant. No one was in the wrong here.

It's amazing that airlines have come up with this scam of making people pay for seats in economy and then got even luckier when it turned out the British people are the most rabid enforcers of it ever.

tappitytaptap · 22/02/2025 09:23

MumCanIHaveASnackPlease · 22/02/2025 09:12

YANBU, if he had an ounce of self awareness he’d know he’s too fat for the window seat and would have saved himself some embarrassment and paid to allocate himself aisle seat.

Yep this. I don't get the expectation that other people should put themselves out for morbidly obese people!

Lordofmyflies · 22/02/2025 09:27

YANBU.....but unfortunately being on a flight with 300+ people means that you are likely to encounter a small proportion of entitled knobbers in our population.

I was on a 8 hour flight yesterday which left at 4am. I kept my seat upright until after the meal was served and then gently reclined to sleep as lights were dimmed and I had a 5 hour drive at the other end. I was awoken after 30 mins by a hard repetitive tapping on the back of my seat. I initially thought it was coming from the engine and was about to call the stewardess when I realised it was a woman in seat behind vigorously tapping her tv screen! I politely asked her if she could perhaps be a little more gentle as I wanted to sleep for a couple of hours. She told me to F off and that she would continue shaking my seat by tapping until I returned it upright. It was fairly clear she was an unreasonable individual some I let her continue tapping, hopefully until a stress fracture or arthritis developed in her index finger. Point being, unfortunately the downside of travel is that you do encounter the worse as well as the best of humans!

SaoirseIsAinmDom · 22/02/2025 09:28

tappitytaptap · 22/02/2025 09:23

Yep this. I don't get the expectation that other people should put themselves out for morbidly obese people!

Show quote history

You don't have to get it? I'd have swapped with him so you wouldn't have had to

RatedDoingMagic · 22/02/2025 09:29

Ywnbu
He should have booked and paid for an aisle seat. Or paid for 2 seats if he couldn't fit in a single seat without overflowing. If the airline chooses to help him get a more suitable seat they should be asking one of the other "I didn't book a seat" people to move, not you.

You didn't do anything wrong and the residual negative feelings you are experiencing is just the result of sexist social conditioning that has taught you to always put men first. It is ok to refuse.

notimagain · 22/02/2025 09:30

theotherplace · 22/02/2025 09:03

I'd blame the stewardess tbh. She knows the rules - pre book your seats

Why? If I’m understanding this correctly:

Stewardess can see there might be a problem/a hold up during boarding, intervenes to find out what is going on (doing so is very much within their remit.)

Stewardess doesn’t force or insist anyone to change their arrangements, everyone ends up in their assigned seats.

No foul, no blame.

ThisBlueDeer · 22/02/2025 09:30

Lordofmyflies · 22/02/2025 09:27

YANBU.....but unfortunately being on a flight with 300+ people means that you are likely to encounter a small proportion of entitled knobbers in our population.

I was on a 8 hour flight yesterday which left at 4am. I kept my seat upright until after the meal was served and then gently reclined to sleep as lights were dimmed and I had a 5 hour drive at the other end. I was awoken after 30 mins by a hard repetitive tapping on the back of my seat. I initially thought it was coming from the engine and was about to call the stewardess when I realised it was a woman in seat behind vigorously tapping her tv screen! I politely asked her if she could perhaps be a little more gentle as I wanted to sleep for a couple of hours. She told me to F off and that she would continue shaking my seat by tapping until I returned it upright. It was fairly clear she was an unreasonable individual some I let her continue tapping, hopefully until a stress fracture or arthritis developed in her index finger. Point being, unfortunately the downside of travel is that you do encounter the worse as well as the best of humans!

Edited

Reclining your seat is a selfish thing to do, when people do that to me I make a point of yanking their seat when I stand up. If you want to sleep pay for business class.

thedogatethecattreats · 22/02/2025 09:33

Lordofmyflies · 22/02/2025 09:27

YANBU.....but unfortunately being on a flight with 300+ people means that you are likely to encounter a small proportion of entitled knobbers in our population.

I was on a 8 hour flight yesterday which left at 4am. I kept my seat upright until after the meal was served and then gently reclined to sleep as lights were dimmed and I had a 5 hour drive at the other end. I was awoken after 30 mins by a hard repetitive tapping on the back of my seat. I initially thought it was coming from the engine and was about to call the stewardess when I realised it was a woman in seat behind vigorously tapping her tv screen! I politely asked her if she could perhaps be a little more gentle as I wanted to sleep for a couple of hours. She told me to F off and that she would continue shaking my seat by tapping until I returned it upright. It was fairly clear she was an unreasonable individual some I let her continue tapping, hopefully until a stress fracture or arthritis developed in her index finger. Point being, unfortunately the downside of travel is that you do encounter the worse as well as the best of humans!

Edited

you were in the wrong there, I can't blame her.

Praying4Peace · 22/02/2025 09:34

I think yabu.
No Biggie for you to have changed seats but you appeared hell bent on sticking to your pre booked seats as a matter of principle.
There are far more important matters to be getting wound up about

mitogoshigg · 22/02/2025 09:34

Neither party unreasonable, forget about it. He could have been allocated a middle seat even! If you have "additional needs" he could have alerted the airline subtly eg at booking stated he needed a seatbelt extension, they would then have flagged it but people are embarrassed

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/02/2025 09:35

I always book an aisle seat too, and I wouldn’t have moved, either. If the bloke was so fat that he knew he’d have a problem, he should have booked accordingly.

I would that IMo if people are really seriously obese, they should have to book two seats. Otherwise they are going to overflow into someone else’s space and make that person very uncomfortable. Applies especially to longer flights IMO.

thedogatethecattreats · 22/02/2025 09:36

Praying4Peace · 22/02/2025 09:34

I think yabu.
No Biggie for you to have changed seats but you appeared hell bent on sticking to your pre booked seats as a matter of principle.
There are far more important matters to be getting wound up about

why?

It's getting tedious all the CF who do not pay and expect others to accommodate them. It's usually families but it's good people are starting to put their foot down. I have seen more and more families kept separated in the recent years, because others who have paid refuse to change, and rightly so!

If you don't care about your seat, you don't pay extra.
If you bother paying and selecting it, of course you don't have to swap.

Praying4Peace · 22/02/2025 09:36

tappitytaptap · 22/02/2025 09:23

Yep this. I don't get the expectation that other people should put themselves out for morbidly obese people!

Show quote history

Wow, judgemental fatist post

user1496146479 · 22/02/2025 09:36

Long haul flight, seats are designed to recline, I'm reclining when I want to. I travel a lot, most normal sane people will recline, after the meal service!
While I'd love to fly business class, unfortunately I cannot afford it, and sleep is not just for the wealthy Confused

Channellingsophistication · 22/02/2025 09:36

You are not unreasonable at all, you booked and paid for a seat of your choice just as he could’ve done but he didn’t.

ErrolTheDragon · 22/02/2025 09:37

Praying4Peace · 22/02/2025 09:34

I think yabu.
No Biggie for you to have changed seats but you appeared hell bent on sticking to your pre booked seats as a matter of principle.
There are far more important matters to be getting wound up about

But it would have been a biggie for the op to swap. Some people when they need to go, they need to go, and being trapped can exacerbate the problem.

mitogoshigg · 22/02/2025 09:38

Btw I've refused to change several times, we had window and middle last flight and got asked (as the man was changing onto our flight from another long haul and needed to sleep apparently) I said no as wanted window to see K2, no fuss except him whining about me wanting to go to the loo half way through a 9 hour flight, I literally went once!