Plane seat upset

[Foodieasfuck]

We travelled back from holiday yesterday. I booked (and paid for) an aisle seat and a middle seat (as this is our preference) The flight was full so we knew that someone would be sat on the window seat. The man arrived after us and it was very obvious that he was going to really struggle to squeeze across 2 seats and into his seat. He was very, very overweight (no judgement, just stating the facts).
He asked us if we could please just move over so that he could sit on the end. It was a 4.5 hour flight and I had chosen the aisle seat so that I can get to the loo easily. (Weak bladder).
The stewardess got involved and also asked us if we could ‘just move over’. It was really embarrassing for all concerned but I stood my ground and politely refused. The man duly took the window seat but it took him a while to shuffle over. He hadn’t paid for a seat in advance, it was randomly allocated at check in. There was no bad feeling. He was a nice man. He needed the loo once during the flights and we happily let him out.

I don’t believe I was unreasonable as I’d paid for the seats but it’s left me feeling a bit bad for him. There isn’t much point in paying for seats if you can’t actually sit on them. Was I unreasonable?

Airlines provide an upgraded service for more money. It’s not up to passengers to decide who is worthy enough to pay for the upgrade.

As I said upthread, book a private jet and you can then control your environment. Most of us can’t afford that so we fly on public transport, which comes with the upside of being cheaper but the downside of being among the public.

Why could the cabin crew not approach another aisle seated passenger to request that they swap with the man? I get that he might have taken the flight at the last minute and couldn't pre-select but that doesn't mean everyone else has to work around him.
I would not have swapped seats under any circumstances if I had selected and paid for my seat - having mobility issues myself would mean that I couldn't possible occupy a window seat.

Surely that also depends on your own height, though? If you're tall, adjusting the angle of the screen may simply be unfeasible, if you're forced in to one cramped position and can't adjist yourself to look down.

And tables aren't only used for food. Even if they were, not everybody can/wants to only eat at set mealtimes.

My point is just that there are accommodations that can be made and compromises to be made; but surely nobody is oblivious to the fact that reclining your seat takes away a lot of the person behind's space?!

As a fat person, from my perspective you did nothing wrong. He asked you said no and that was that. The stewardess made it awkward.

If he wanted an aisle seat, he should have paid for it really.

I'm fat.

I don't see this as an attack on fat people. It's just stating the truth.

The system (unfortunately) requires you to book and pay if you want a specific seat, whether that's for accessibility or for comfort reasons. Sure, it might have been a last minute thing without that option for the man, but that's not the problem of the OP as she paid for her seat - whether for a medical reason or just because she wanted to sit in a particular seat.

I'm fat, and if I have to go on a plane I'll book the aisle seat because I'm aware that my arse needs that extra bit of space and it's harder for me to scoot across the seats. If for any reason I couldn't book an aisle seat, I'd have to suck it up (and squish myself a bit to avoid making the middle seat person uncomfortable)

Asking people to move out to let you in is not embarrassing. Pleading with people to swap you the seats that they’ve paid for because you didn’t bother to pay for one yourself is embarassing.

If you know you have a particular requirement due to your size then you should pay the money to make allowances for it, not inconveniencing other people who have paid their money for their own comfort.

The thread title is "Plane seat upset" yet I am not seeing any 'upset'. Someone respectfully asked you to do something and you respectfully declined. Case closed. So far, so everyday life.

Who is upset and why?

No you were not unreasonable. He should have booked an aisle seat if he wanted one. I think he didn't book a seat because he assumed someone would move when they saw his size. In fact he should have booked himself two seats if he wanted extra room.

You actually get more room in the window seat because you can shove yourself up against the wall/window. The aisle seat would have been uncomfortable for him because he would have overhung the isle stopping the trolley and other passengers getting past. I would have been concerned that in an emergency he would have slowed down the exit from the isle.

I'm a frequent flyer and have only encountered seat faff twice.
Once some man was in my seat, claimed his wife had anxiety over flying and had to sit near her. Luckily my husband was there and said "snap, so dies mine. Which is why we booked seats-now move" and a 2nd was when someone sat in my window seat on long haul and just said to sit in his middle seat. Cabin crew told him to move.

Quick answer would of been that her lifestyle choices are of no relevance to you, please move or ill aak the CC to intervene.

Really, even with a medical reason such as a weak bladder?
Someone with a weak bladder may urgently need the loo more times than the average peron, and a delay in reaching the toilet may cause pain and leakage.
Not to mention op had purposely gone to the effort and possible expense of pre booking her chosen seats specifically for this reason.

I really can't see how the needs of the other passenger outweigh the needs of op?

I'm curious as to why you would have moved up @TheChosenTwo

I find the apologists for the man fascinating on here.

this is peak Mumsnet, where posters deliberately try and make the OP feel unreasonable when any rational person would say that the guy was being unreasonable.

On most airlines we pay to choose our seats.

That means the OP had to shell out extra money so she had the certainty of her choice.

WHY , just why, should anyone then essentially pay for someone else’s convenience, just to avoid awkwardness?!

ridiculous.

OP YANBU in any shape or form.

I would not have moved either.

I’m quite a nervous flyer, with an over-sensitive bladder (take medication for the condition), and always choose the aisle seat as looking out the window scares me.

From a safety aspect putting a person who would struggle to exit the plane quickly and effectively trapping 2 other people beside him would drive my flying anxiety through the roof. Particularly as there have been several serious incidents in recent months.

You were not unreasonable he was by assuming he could sit where he needed without doing as you had and prebooking.

What really grates is the stewardess. She was unprofessional. You have booked seats, you may have had a medical reason or some such for this decision. To then involve herself and tell you to move is completely unacceptable and I would be giving feedback to the air line. If it's BA hey give regular "snap shots" as they call them on behaviour they deem unacceptable so the individual can learn from it. My good friend worked as a Stewardess for BA for ten years and she told me they would get these from time to time.

Lordy.

No one HAS to pay for a seat. So how on earth does he or anyone know if you chose it or were allocated It? Of course he can ask.

Just say you paid for that specific seat ...job done

I would have felt equally the same if it were a morbidly obese woman

So what is the recline button for? Is it routinely added to every airline seat as a test of character?

My point is just that there are accommodations that can be made and compromises to be made; but surely nobody is oblivious to the fact that reclining your seat takes away a lot of the person behind's space?!

Most people just don’t care.

Didn’t the air steward offer any type of compensation when she asked of you’d mind swapping?

Fucking rude if not. You’re a customer that paid for something and she’s just asking you to give it back for free?

Can you imagine if you’ve just gone through the self check out at Tesco and an assistant comes up to you. “Excuse me madam, I see you’ve just paid for steak and a bottle of wine. Can I just take them back from you please because that bloke over there is skinnier than you and he’s quite them? No, there won’t be a refund, thanks so much for your trouble.”

I'm sorry but seats are designed to recline. As long as you are considerate and put the seat up during meal / drink service, I think reclining your seat on a long haul flight is absolutely fine. Especially, if cabin lights are dimmed for sleeping. There is definitely not a "NO RECLINE or NO SLEEPING ALLOWED' sign in economy! Thats batshit. It just needs a bit of consideration from all passengers.

The thing is, though, that it probably wasn't just a polite request with no awkwardness loaded with it.

It maybe compares with if a homeless person in a shop doorway asked you for a few pounds for a meal. Yes, it's a polite request and you're perfectly at liberty to say No, but it comes with an implication that their need is much more than yours, and many would feel awkward declining.

If somebody asked to swap something that you have just because they preferred the view from your seat or really fancied the cake that you have, no issue at all in telling them to jog on; but if they can frame it (truly or not) that they need it much more than you, and will clearly struggle if you say No, there's already an element of social guilt and meanness there if you decline.

Exactly!
My teen DC travelled alone last year, with a nice pre-booked window seat. She'd just sat down when a middle aged woman with 2 older teens approached and asked if she could swapped places. Woman had booked her own seat elseqhere and her late-teen sons next to my daughter. She had the cheek to ask to swap! Well my daughter being kind and helpful swapped, only to find herself VERY FAR at the end Middle seat next to a hugely overweight man who was taking up a lot of space. No wonder CF was looking to swap.
Daughter and I had a chat after and I encourage her to learn from experience and just say "Sorry can't swap" or "this is the seat I selected and paid for".

@WillimNot

What really grates is the stewardess. She was unprofessional. You have booked seats, you may have had a medical reason or some such for this decision. To then involve herself and tell you to move is completely unacceptable

I think the cabin crew member is getting a really unnecessary kicking at times on this thread - this in part is what the Op wrote:

The stewardess got involved and also asked us if we could ‘just move over’. It was really embarrassing for all concerned but I stood my ground and politely refused. The man duly took the window seat ..

Monitoring boarding is very much a cabin crew responsibility (cabin crew sure as heck would get a “snap shot” of some sort if they didn’t).

..in this case it appears the cabin crew member spotted a problem, stepped in, tried to resolve the problem initially by asking if the OP is willing to move..OP says no, cabin crew member accepts the refusal…..I’m not perceiving anything unprofessional in what the cabin crew did..

I’ve got a stereo that can blast music out at god knows how many decibels. I don’t blast music out though because it would inconvenience my neighbours. Cause I’m not a total c bomb. Which apparently others are.

the cabin staff should not be asking people who have paid for their seat to move. If they really have to ask then it should come with a clear offer to refund the payments plus XYZ. Otherwise they are just asking people to give up way they have paid for and it is very awkward in this situation.