To have told him 30 mins late to pick me up pissed me off?

[Ohsoitsokkkk]

Boyfriend usually picks me up after work as I moved closer to him and moved in so my my commute is very long, he’s never had an issue of doing this and he’s said multiple times don’t pay for taxis I will get you. He usually does it about twice a week, it’s less than a ten minute drive to my work.

The thing is, he is always late - I can think of at least 4 times this year he has been late. There’s always some issue like traffic jams or his mum rang him etc etc. I have put it down to bad time management and tried to get over it.

Today I asked him to get me at 5pm. He is a teacher so off work this week. He said he would, and that he was going to see his friend who lives close to where I work so would be there on time. I rang him at 5 to 5 saying I had been to the pharmacy and could he pick me up from there instead (a 5 min drive from his friend). He said yes no problem see you soon. It got to 5-15 and I was feeling a little irked but tried to just let it go. At 5-20 he rang me and said “so sorry, I left my phone at my friends so had to drive back and get it and then there was a traffic jam. I’ll be 5 minutes”

He arrived 15 minutes later. I said I was pissed off that he was late and the traffic wasn’t that bad. He said “so you think I left you there intentionally”. I just said yes. He said “fuck this” and sped down the road nearly crashing into another car with me in with him, I told him to slow down.

He said he was doing me a favour and I should be grateful he picked me up. He’s not spoken to me all evening.

I do a lot for him, I pay most bills and lend him quite a bit of money when he needs. I make more than him and buy us nice stuff. I cook every meal.

Aibu?

'I do a lot for him, I pay most bills and lend him quite a bit of money when he needs. I make more than him and buy us nice stuff. I cook every meal.'

It sounds like an unbalanced relationship, with you doing most of the giving and him doing most of the taking. Not being able to get his act together and prioritise picking you up in time - and the tantrum when you call him out on it - is symptomatic of a bigger problem.

He is a cocklodger who is completely unable to adult. You must feel like you have a child instead of partner. Get rid.

Run like the wind. Men who drive dangerously in anger are abusive. He is abusing you.

Why does he only work 3 days a week and why on earth are you frequently subsidising him?

You still haven't answered how you get to work

He doesn't leave you waiting for no reason, it is a power play. He is saying 'I am more important than you, anything I do is more important than you, in this relationship you will always be waiting for me, not the other way around' Why do you think he 'insists' you don;t get a taxi ? because it would spoil his game and allow you to realise you are not dependent on him and he can;t call the shots.

I married someone like this - always late, for me and for the kids (he would leave our 12 yr old DD standing outside in the dark and the rain for half an hour after band practice).
And when I read that your boyfriend deliberately drove dngerously to frighten and punish you my blood ran cold - mine did exactly the same thing,I once sat terrified in the car for an hour while he drove wildly at 80 round winding country lanes because I'd dared to criticise some outrageous piece of behaviour of his.

Maybe your DP isn't the same as my XH, but my God the signs are the same.

So he picks you up twice a week and he's been late 4 times this year. He isn't always late then. You are annoyed which is fair enough but are you exaggerating this due to being annoyed?

The late isn't really the issue. Everything else is. Just bin him.

He is displaying abusive behaviour.

The behaviour in the car would be enough for me to end the relationship. When someone shows you what they think of you - believe it.

"And when I read that your boyfriend deliberately drove dngerously to frighten and punish you my blood ran cold - "

I ended a long-term relationship the first time this happened, after putting up with many issues. It was the last straw.

Cocklodger

Or why she’s paying the bills, doing all the cooking and lending him money.

More red flags than the Kremlin

I understand why you and @OrangeCushioning believe this but it's not true. You've stated it like it's a fact but really it's an interpretation. It's a fact that I'm late, yes, but your reasoning is incorrect. I'm late because there's a mismatch between how long I think things will take and how long they actually take.

On my birthday - I received several
text messages from different people saying 'oh sorry, I forgot to post your card' or 'I don't have your address'. I could take that to mean my friends/relatives don't care about me enough to organise themselves in time. Or I could remember all the extensive evidence to the contrary and give them a break.

I mean, if the person in your life who's often late is also horrible to you, then maybe they are contemptuous. But if not then you don't have enough to go on to reach that conclusion.

It doesn't, it says you moved "closer" to him, which implies "not with".

but you moved there knowing you couldn't drive

Why you with him? What’s the point? Get riiiiid. Couldn’t be arsed to get so invested with such an immature prick. Aim higher next time (im talking about the temper tantrum primarily)

It does.

“moved closer to him and moved in so my my commute is very long”

But the way you've worded it, it's not clear.

But your commute isn’t very long. It’s ten minutes by car. 😂

Anyway, why are you tolerating such a shit one sided relationship?

You pay for more, do more housework, have a crap commute. Your DP is showing you who he is - an unpleasant bully, flexing his myscles showing you he's boss, both by being late and then punishing you for challenging him. Run away whilst you can. Do not get pregnant.

Right, but she said she can't drive for medical reasons so it's long by public transport.

Seconded on the need to ditch this waste of space.

OP, why are you coming back to clarify your opening post, but not acknowledge any other comments?

I also can’t drive for medical reasons.

I couldn’t get upset about DH being 15 minutes late to collect me circa 20% of the time if it saved me an hour on a bus or a tenner on a taxi. He’s on time 80% of the time.

I wouldn’t stay with someone who sped at oncoming traffic because I was annoyed at them, or blanked me all evening. I’d make plans to move out and go back to somewhere with a better commute for you.

There is a difference between " regularly " being late, as you say you are, and someone as a one off forgetting to post a birthday card. For one thing doubt you are sitting behind your front door waiting for the card to drop through it.
And perhaps actually, If you always keep these people waiting when you arrange to see them, they really don't have much incentive to bother about their cards being on time as they will assume you won't care.
I think your assumption you can just turn up when it suits you regardless of the arrangements that were made breathtakingly rude and entitled. And yes, contemptuous of other people .

Again, you're making an assumption that's incorrect. I don't assume I can turn up when it suits me regardless of the arrangements. I'm always trying to be on time. It just doesn't always work.