To have told him 30 mins late to pick me up pissed me off?

[Ohsoitsokkkk]

Boyfriend usually picks me up after work as I moved closer to him and moved in so my my commute is very long, he’s never had an issue of doing this and he’s said multiple times don’t pay for taxis I will get you. He usually does it about twice a week, it’s less than a ten minute drive to my work.

The thing is, he is always late - I can think of at least 4 times this year he has been late. There’s always some issue like traffic jams or his mum rang him etc etc. I have put it down to bad time management and tried to get over it.

Today I asked him to get me at 5pm. He is a teacher so off work this week. He said he would, and that he was going to see his friend who lives close to where I work so would be there on time. I rang him at 5 to 5 saying I had been to the pharmacy and could he pick me up from there instead (a 5 min drive from his friend). He said yes no problem see you soon. It got to 5-15 and I was feeling a little irked but tried to just let it go. At 5-20 he rang me and said “so sorry, I left my phone at my friends so had to drive back and get it and then there was a traffic jam. I’ll be 5 minutes”

He arrived 15 minutes later. I said I was pissed off that he was late and the traffic wasn’t that bad. He said “so you think I left you there intentionally”. I just said yes. He said “fuck this” and sped down the road nearly crashing into another car with me in with him, I told him to slow down.

He said he was doing me a favour and I should be grateful he picked me up. He’s not spoken to me all evening.

I do a lot for him, I pay most bills and lend him quite a bit of money when he needs. I make more than him and buy us nice stuff. I cook every meal.

Aibu?

He said “fuck this” and sped down the road nearly crashing into another car...
End the relationship. It won't improve.

Hi @Ohsoitsokkkk I think you can safely say that the majority of people are outraged on your behalf.

The answers to the following may help clarify the situation for you as well of those of us reading your thread.

1. If he drives & you don’t, why did you move to him rather than him moving to you?
2. Why does he only work 3 days a week?
3. How did he manage his bills before you moved in?
4. What is he bringing to the relationship?
5. Were you happier and was your relationship better before you moved in together?

It’s hard when people (even strangers on the internet) are criticising your DP & your life choices. Sometimes people post because they need ‘tough love’ & sometimes it’s just that they need to vent.

How do you get to work??

@Ohsoitsokkkk I voted that you are very unreasonable

What on earth are you doing with him?

(a question you are dodging)

Bloody good question

You are dodging quite a few questions here. I wonder why.

Drives dangerously to scare you. 🚩
Puts words into your mouth to start a row 🚩

This is an abusive relationship.

The driving in anger to put fear into you for your life (& the potential harm to others) is the same as threatening you with a knife or a gun. He used something that can kill (a car in this instance) to threaten you into silence and compliance.

Please, this is serious. The next time you "complain" his response may kill you and others.

You need to leave.

You said he has been late 4 times this year. That's not many times in 8 weeks or so when you have said that he says he was held up in traffic. Roads are bonkers at the moment with road works where we don't expect them on an almost daily basis. I can't get worked up about being late that few times.

His reaction to be told off wasn't great no ie. the speeding and sulking but then again did you need to complain just because he was a bit late?

My DCs primary had 2 part time male teachers. But they both had little kids and shared childcare duties with their partners.

He doesn't sound like a good partner. Apart from lifts, what do you get from this relationship?

Tell him you’ll be getting taxis from now on and you need a bigger contribution to expenses.

Red flag - often late and unreliable
Red flag - controlling as persuades you not to get a taxi then is late
Red flag - loses his temper
red flag - dangerous behaviour
red flag - uses silent treatment
Red flag - let's you subsidise him financially
Red flag - you do more of the chores e.g. cooking

This is an abusive relationship.

Sounds like an absolute shitshow of a relationship and situation. You're living rurally and you can't drive. You give him money and act as a domestic slave. He's unreliable and sulks.

Can you move out to a more convenient location?

This! ⬆️ Plus, losing his temper, speeding, swearing & not talking to you - that's just childish & pathetic.

I would leave work and if he’s not there to pick you up at the agreed time, assume he’s not turned up and get a cab. When he rings to ask where you are, say as much.
And stop lending money, cooking for him and subsidising him as well. It’s a very mother/ child relationship on the face of it- he doesn’t pay for anything and you look after him.

My advice would be: firstly stop paying all the bills, secondly arrange your own transport. And finally re-consider whether you want to be with him. It's meant to be at the "easy" stage of a relationship where you have just moved into together. Also easier to undo now rather than later.

On my planet as well as the OP's

We are rural. To get to the next village three miles away it involves getting a bus to the market town 5 miles away then another bus out to the village, or walking on winding country lanes with no pavement. I have walked it and it took just under an hour. We have no direct bus route between these villages. It is a ten minute drive by car.

People who live in towns and cities with plentiful public transport have no idea how crap it is elsewhere if you don't drive.

@Ohsoitsokkkk why does your teacher boyfriend always have no money and why is he part time? How did he manage before he met the bank of you?

He only picks her up twice a week, so that’s 16 times in 8 weeks and he’s been late on a quarter of those times.

You're being a doormat OP. He's taking you for granted and treating you like crap.

And this is setting the tone for the future of your relationship. Stop it.

Move back out. Don't ever threaten something then not do it.

You need to build his respect for you. Or better, dump him and find someone else that makes you feel valued and cared for.

I think the dangerous display of temper is worse than his being late. Maybe rethink the relationship.

I believe that's very, very unusual. And clearly not the case for the chap in the OP.

And each time with good reason as she herself explained. She can opt out of the lifts if she would rather get the bus home taking an hour

He's not the one for you

Oh I don’t know @zingally . I am waiting for the drip feed where OP is also cooking, cleaning and caring for this charmers DC half the bloody week!