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AIBU?

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Original poster

Blind sided at work and don't know what to do next

143 replies

katedan · 21/02/2025 21:31

I have been struggling for a while at work for a few months, lots of pressure but I work very hard and very long hours and thought I was a good manager. Today I was given feedback from my manager in relation to the people I manage,s feedback about me as a manager and it was brutal!!! Lots of negative feedback about me as a manager. I fell apart on my manager and currently see no way back. I know I could get signed off ( have not taken a day's sick in 5 years I have been there). I cannot stop crying and feel awful i sacrificed my own kids and my home to give 100% to this job and although I am not perfect I always felt I was a good manager. Please advise me as I have to face everyone Monday morning knowing what they have said.

OP posts:
Randomease · 21/02/2025 21:33

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Strawber · 21/02/2025 21:34

What was the negative feedback

Overtheatlantic · 21/02/2025 21:35

Do you agree with any of the feedback?

Original poster
katedan · 21/02/2025 21:35

Did not feel i challenged them enough in our case discussions, not enough case direction, discussions were too quick and not deep enough.

OP posts:
Menstrualcycledisplayteam · 21/02/2025 21:35

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What a douchey response.

CerealPosterHere · 21/02/2025 21:36

Do you think there is any truth in the feedback? What did your manager say? As in how to move forward? Were the6 supportive?

Original poster
katedan · 21/02/2025 21:36

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Lol I just mean instead of being with them I have worked long hours

OP posts:
scorpiogirly · 21/02/2025 21:36

katedan · 21/02/2025 21:35

Did not feel i challenged them enough in our case discussions, not enough case direction, discussions were too quick and not deep enough.

They were free to ask questions and request more input at the time surely?

Menstrualcycledisplayteam · 21/02/2025 21:36

What was the positive feedback?

CerealPosterHere · 21/02/2025 21:36

katedan · 21/02/2025 21:35

Did not feel i challenged them enough in our case discussions, not enough case direction, discussions were too quick and not deep enough.

Have you had training in how to do this? Examples? A mentor?

Funykeudfh · 21/02/2025 21:37

You sacrificed your kids and your home? What does that mean? Let this be a lesson that family comes first, work to live don't live to work. I'd start applying elsewhere sharpish!

Original poster
katedan · 21/02/2025 21:37

Strawber · 21/02/2025 21:34

What was the negative feedback

It was around not spending enough time with them in 1 to 1s etc but I work 10 hrs away in back to back meetings no lunch break etc and not sure where I would get more time from

OP posts:
CerealPosterHere · 21/02/2025 21:38

Could you develop some sort of paperwork for case discussions? Maybe with specific sections . Where conversations are documented and there are prompts for the other person to ask questions?? Would that work.

Lalaland67 · 21/02/2025 21:39

Was there positive feedback too? If it was delivered as a 360 type discussion then surely this should have been offered as well otherwise that’s poor on your managers part.

Buttonless · 21/02/2025 21:40

Why isn’t there a lunchbreak? Why can’t you make the 1-1 part of your meeting schedule?

Cattreesea · 21/02/2025 21:40

It sounds like a toxic environment with unrealistic expectations.

You family and your mental and physical health are more important than any job at the end of the day.

CerealPosterHere · 21/02/2025 21:40

katedan · 21/02/2025 21:37

It was around not spending enough time with them in 1 to 1s etc but I work 10 hrs away in back to back meetings no lunch break etc and not sure where I would get more time from

Show quote history

Have you flagged this with your manager? If you have an unmanageable workload of course things won’t be done ideally. If you literally have back to back meetings you can’t do anything else. Can you have less meetings/decline some in order to put x amount of time aside a week for deeper case discussions

Brandyb · 21/02/2025 21:41

Hang on. Breathe. Is this really "brutal," or honest feedback which will allow you to improve? Reading what you said it doesn't sound awful? Sounds like what you were doing was helpful/valued but you could develop it further?
If this has just been sprung on you and you haven't been supervised and supported at all that reflects badly on your own management. No one just knows how to do this stuff without any guidance.
This doesn't mean five years have been wasted.

Onlyonekenobe · 21/02/2025 21:41

Something sounds very wrong here. Are you micromanaging or taking on too much yourself (hence the hours) and not delegating enough to allow juniors to do the work and grow through your feedback? Is your manager just giving you too much work? Take the weekend to think it through. It may not be as catastrophic as you think. Nothing is better than owning your mistakes, fixing them and moving on. It's exemplary behaviour for your reports, too.

Overtheatlantic · 21/02/2025 21:41

1-1 meetings with agendas and they need to be prepared for a discussion. Do you have a PA? Someone to take notes and follow up on action items. Delegate if at all possible.

pandarific · 21/02/2025 21:43

Er op, this isn’t DEVASTATING feedback. It’s an area to improve on sure, but I think you’re catastrophising a bit, probably because you sound extremely extremely stressed.

please chill - take it on the chin and when you have slept and eaten and chilled, have a think about how to work smarter and get them more direction without any more hours for you.

Onlyonekenobe · 21/02/2025 21:44

Something sounds very wrong here. Are you micromanaging or taking on too much yourself (hence the hours) and not delegating enough to allow juniors to do the work and grow through your feedback? Is your manager just giving you too much work? Take the weekend to think it through. It may not be as catastrophic as you think. Nothing is better than owning your mistakes, fixing them and moving on. It's exemplary behaviour for your reports, too.

IPM · 21/02/2025 21:46

I fell apart on my manager and currently see no way back. I know I could get signed off ( have not taken a day's sick in 5 years I have been there).

Why would you get signed off because of this? 😳

Ask your manager to sit with you and help with an improvement plan.

Swanderer · 21/02/2025 21:46

Why was your manager soliciting feedback about you from your team?

Given the performance struggles and now this, it sounds like you’re being managed out, to be honest.

Are you in a position to try and negotiate an exit deal?

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 21/02/2025 21:48

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It's obvious what she means.

Such an unnecessary comment when someone is upset.
You are really quite rude and nasty.