Blind sided at work and don't know what to do next

[katedan]

I have been struggling for a while at work for a few months, lots of pressure but I work very hard and very long hours and thought I was a good manager. Today I was given feedback from my manager in relation to the people I manage,s feedback about me as a manager and it was brutal!!! Lots of negative feedback about me as a manager. I fell apart on my manager and currently see no way back. I know I could get signed off ( have not taken a day's sick in 5 years I have been there). I cannot stop crying and feel awful i sacrificed my own kids and my home to give 100% to this job and although I am not perfect I always felt I was a good manager. Please advise me as I have to face everyone Monday morning knowing what they have said.

I agree with this, OP this must be upsetting to hear when you are so busy and stressed but looking at it neutrally if you are that busy then your team probably are being honest in their feedback about basically feeling that they could do with more support. As could you, it’s not a reflection on your ability.

O you are so funny 🤮

Are you new to being a manager or have you changed companies?
Different jobs/companies have different have different cultures.
Managing your employees is as important as interdepartmental meetings especially if you're new to the job. Once everybody's getting into the groove you might not need that many 1to1s.
Also delegate your meetings. I've known too many managers who insisted at being at too many meetings when either a junior employee or just reading the minutes might have sufficed. Look back on how many meetings you actually had an input in.

Also the best managers I had always had a good work life balance so sacrificing that will also hinder your performance.

Doesn’t seem that bad! People will always take the chance to have a bit of a moan. Just look for the themes or common moans and be proactive in thinking how you could address them.

Lets be honest if you are given the chance to give anonymous feedback about your manager I bet you would include some negatives.

And also, talk to your own manager about your workload. No one should be sacrificing a life away from work. Not these days. Balance is really important

Doesn’t seem that bad! People will always take the chance to have a bit of a moan. Just look for the themes or common moans and be proactive in thinking how you could address them.

Lets be honest if you are given the chance to give anonymous feedback about your manager I bet you would include some negatives.

And also, talk to your own manager about your workload. No one should be sacrificing a life away from work. Not these days. Balance is really important

Doesn’t seem that bad! People will always take the chance to have a bit of a moan. Just look for the themes or common moans and be proactive in thinking how you could address them.

Lets be honest if you are given the chance to give anonymous feedback about your manager I bet you would include some negatives.

And also, talk to your own manager about your workload. No one should be sacrificing a life away from work. Not these days. Balance is really important

To be honest if ALL your employees are saying the same thing then I’d do a bit of introspection if I were you.

I say this as someone in a team of 5 who have an absolute wet blanket of a line manager who could really do with being managed out.

Im sorry if that seems brutal OP but if it were one person I’d wonder about a vendetta, but if it’s the whole team then I suspect you are more likely to be the problem.

A good leader takes feedback and reflects. The fact it’s been brought up means you have an opportunity to reassess and make changes. Your response of getting signed off is weird imo. It’s a time for learning not to give up.

You’ve been clear your current schedule isn’t working and you’re in back to back meetings so your team can’t access you. You need direction from your manager what you can drop to allow you to realign your balance. Can you delegate anything to your team?

Or are you like my manager who is constantly busy but a couple of months ago I was waiting for a project and had very little to do. Despite the fact I’ve done parts of her job previously, she’s so insecure she won’t delegate. She works all hours and I think fuck it, if that’s what she’d rather do than allow me to develop then I’ll stop offering help.

Thank you for the comments - really helpful.

Will try and respond - In the 5 years I have been there have not had 360 reviews and it was on all mangers at my level ( i.e mid management not senior) but I think that it might be a way of getting me to resign as I am alot older and not cool like the other managers.

I do think there is some learning from it which in time I need to take but at the moment I want to phone them up and ask why? ( I wont do this)

I have taken it personally as I have felt very lonely on the team for a while but I always make an effort but birthday presents etc. " weeks ago when I had leave they said they missed me and realised how much I did to help so it feels like I am pulling knives from my back.

I agree there is a lesson here in not putting work before my family

Thank you for your comments

Also, OP, remember this isn't personal.

Yes, it's about your management of them but it's a work issue. Not a personal you issue.

When I went into teaching, one of our lecturers warned us that we'd work very hard and long hours and feel we were still giving of ourselves even when we had nothing left to give and that we would all face criticism. She said it was very important to remember that any criticism was not of us as individuals but of the role.

Obviously, there are some people who deserve individual criticism! But this sounds much more like they are asking for more time with you and more direction, which you are currently unable to deliver due to your workload.

Your managers have a duty of care and responsibility to you to make sure that you can do your job properly too.

I agree with others OP. This is not devastating feedback at all. Your team are simply saying they want more of your time. The fact you haven't given them more isn't a skills failure on your part, it's a capacity issue. That youve taken this so hard plus your comments about your workload are a red flag that things are getting too much for you. I'd advise you ask for another meeting with your manager. Tell them you've reflected on the feedback and would like to offer the team more time, and could you discuss your workload so this can be achieved.

And this is where I am - it was a team feedback but I have no idea who said which part - there was some positive but it was minimal but I agree if the whole of my group think I am awful I need to be the problem and leave - but I need the money and of course will look for other jobs at a lower scale ( as I am clearly an awful manager) but that will take time and I do not know how to cope with next week

Do you work in the NHS or in social care? Have you been set up to fail because the workload and expectation is totally unrealistic?
On the bright side, perhaps this could be leverage to reduce your workload to something more manageable.
Aldo, coming from a different perspective - what if it were true? So what if you aren’t perfect manager. The world keeps turning and you still get paid.

No we are all very busy no one has capacity to help others - I want to develop my staff they are a great bunch of very hard working people who deserve a manger who can manage and guide them

No don’t leave! You clearly care and want to do a good job. You just need support to achieve it. If no support is available then screw them and find somewhere that can develop you.

Um sorry but you’re kicking off about the negative feedback but haven’t even commented about whether you have reflected on that feedback and what you could do better. You sound just like someone I’m dealing with currently can’t see their wrongs even though there right in front of them. Take the feedback and act on it.

Kindly-you don’t need to know who said which part. And I don’t necessarily think it’s cause to leave if you think you can take the feedback and turn it around.

But you do need to sit with your manager and go through the feedback piece by piece to make a plan to fix it if you like the job and want to stay there.

Yes I am in Social Care

You sound like you have burnout. :-(

I'm not a manager but this doesn't sound that negative to me I've said things like this to managers when I've been asked to give feedback and feel awkward about it and am trying to think of something neutral to say. It sounds like it's really triggered your stress response though so taking time to be kind to yourself over the weekend and reflect on why this has overwhelmed you might help. I don't think you've got anything to worry about facing on Monday. Thank them and show you've listened by putting in regular longer 1:1s in the calendars for them all and go from there. You've said you're too busy and there's not enough hours in the day or work life balance for you, your team sound like they agree with this. Could you give them more challenge and responsibility, delegate more whilst also discussing it with them more?

if you are in social care then both you and your team will have hideous caseloads and unbelievable stress levels. This feedback says more about the system than you.

@katedan Please feel free to DM me (although unlikely to respond this evening - I have now developed boundaries).
Sounds to me like you are in a high pressured role and the team need your input, but you are caught up in the day to day "doings". I may be reading too much into it but you are approaching "case discussions" as an element to be solved and so you are applying your expertise to get the job done.
Perhaps you are a perfectionist - I've been there.
Perhaps you feel that everything needs your input - I've been there.
You are overwhelmed with the responsibility you hold to your clients and your team.

Indeed. And unhelpful and pointless.

I think you should luck your wounds and go back in with a plan, both to your manager and team, you can approach it with your team positively imo - grateful to understand what they need, here is your plan to work together to drive the operating rhythm needed to address concerns.

What structure are you using? Are you completing SEEDS observations or similar? Which reflective practice supervision structure are you using, could it do with tweaking? Have you got out of the habit of structured supervision?
This really isn't insurmountable feedback. Your team are saying they want more of your time and focus, that's not unreasonable, I work in an adjacent field, and manage a multi agency department including adult and children's social care. Their feedback is as much about the excessive demands placed on your time as it is about you as a person. Your reaction seems quite extreme. Are you getting appropriate supervision?
Draft an improvement plan for yourself and take it to your line manager for feedback, support and protected time to improve in this area.
They are you team, not your friends. They need you professionally, birthday presents etc are irrelevant.