Blind sided at work and don't know what to do next

[katedan]

I have been struggling for a while at work for a few months, lots of pressure but I work very hard and very long hours and thought I was a good manager. Today I was given feedback from my manager in relation to the people I manage,s feedback about me as a manager and it was brutal!!! Lots of negative feedback about me as a manager. I fell apart on my manager and currently see no way back. I know I could get signed off ( have not taken a day's sick in 5 years I have been there). I cannot stop crying and feel awful i sacrificed my own kids and my home to give 100% to this job and although I am not perfect I always felt I was a good manager. Please advise me as I have to face everyone Monday morning knowing what they have said.

My advice would be to schedule 1-2-1s with each of your team ASAP. Explain you’ve had feedback that the level of support and guidance you’ve been giving them to date isn’t meeting their needs, that you want to understand more around this and see what practical, tangible changes and interventions you can implement with them to ensure this improves. Emphasise that this is a safe space for them to be open and honest with no backlash, that you genuinely want to better understand where you have been going wrong so you can fix it, for everyone’s sake. Make sure you really listen to them, do t be defensive or argumentative- this is all about listening and understanding at this stage. Make sure to acknowledge their feelings but also ensure they recognise that to improve this, the onus doesn’t just fall entirely on you and you alone. They need to be part of the solution here - not only in suggesting changes that will benefit the ways of working but also realising the role they play in making those changes stick and be successful.

In parallel, you need a meeting with your manager to make it clear that your current workload/obligations and deliverables are preventing you from being able to effect a meaningful turnaround in your team’s level of satisfaction. Spell it out clearly that you currently do not have the time available to allow you to provide them with more hands on, proactive, visible support / coaching / face time. Ask your manager to identify what are your priorities. Even better, go into the meeting with your own proposal taking a ‘Stop, Start, Continue’ approach to assessing the current tasks that sit with you and suggest where the changes could be made. Your proposal should consider what opportunities exist to delegate certain tasks to your team members who might benefit from the chance to take them on as a learning & development opportunity. If there is a natural successor in your team who would benefit from role shadowing / deputising, suggest an approach that allows a gradual and managed transition of some of your responsibilities to create a considered succession plan. Not only does this demonstrate you’re thinking about the development of your team, you’re also considering the business needs to ensure continuity and ongoing quality of service delivery.

With your manager, agree (and make sure to document) a clear and practical plan for how you will ensure time is carved out for you to focus on your direct reports, including agreeing ways to measure the success of the approach once implemented. If your manager won’t support changes to workload or ways of working that will enable this, ask them directly how they reasonably expect you then to resolve the issue that your team has been brave enough to articulate. Their response will be telling.

Please make sure any conversations with your manager are followed up in writing, summarising the conversation and any agreements made.

Please don’t get too dejected by this @katedan. See it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and to transform some key relationships from negative to positive.

OP it's really hard not to take feedback personally but like I others I'd read this as wanting a bit more of your time and engagement in what is no doubt a very stressful environment. I'm a millennial and my staff are mostly Gen Z; instinctively I find them quite needy and wanting a lot more support than I think they should need at their grade, it certainly wasn't what I needed. I find it hard when they say they don't have enough support from me (which they have said from time to time), but I recognise for me this isn't about my management skills or abilities but the fact that 1) I'm a single parent of two toddlers and so have to work flexibly and juggle my life in ways they don't and therefore don't understand, and 2) that they need support to feel confident in doing their jobs themselves and quite frankly a lot of workload and pressure removed that's drowning all of us. I've used this feedback to try to be more reliably present at moments when they need me, actively demonstrate engagement by asking if they need support on anything, and also to help build their confidence. This feedback shook me too when first received, but for me it was about taking it on board and thinking through what I could change to better meet the needs of my staff.

Also, this advice is great.

I work at the local hospital- we have never been asked to give feedback on any of the managers in my 20 years there!!
I wouldn’t place too much weight on your Team’s response because it seems that you are being overworked - how the role is structured doesn’t allow you to be as successful as you want to be. Not worth sacrificing time with your kids for this! Does your manager sacrifice their family life in the same way? Are they a great manager?
Sorry Op, I think you need to care a little less about the job.

Are you the right person to be in all these meetings?

Are any of the meetings duplicating work?

Are these meetings actually productive? Do decisions get made at them? Do you make these decisions? Do you need to be present?

Your staff are crying out for your attention and support. If you're in meetings all day, you can't do that.

Something needs to give and ten hours a day in meetings is not normal.

When do you prepare for these meetings? What's the point of them all?

Time to schedule in time for your staff each week.

TBH spending 10 hours in non-stop back to back meetings instead of supporting your own staff sounds like either an avoidance tactic or poor time management on your part. You need to act as a good role model, take proper breaks, and make sure you have time in your day/diary both for one to ones, and more open sessions when staff can bring their concerns to you. You are going to be seen as unsupportive if you are hardly ever available. You need to reflect on how you handle situations with your staff if they have concerns about their cases which they need or want your advice/guidance/help with. Put on a brave face and tell them you are starting afresh.

360 feedback is a stupid, borderline-evil idea invented by management consultants to line their pockets. It is massively open to abuse. Please take it all with a massive pinch of salt. Take anything useful, ignore the rest. It sounds like someone bitter with an axe to grind. Try not to internalise the nonsense. You are worth more. Work is how you put food on the table, it doesn’t define you, you just learn how to grin and bear the relentless bs.

No reason to be devastated. It’s constructive feedback. Work out how to give them more time et voila.

I suspect you have a team to manage but are also accountable for ‘doing the do’ and you’ve been understandably prioritising the doing. Take a deep breath and step back a little and look at how you’re spending your time. Ask your manager for help in prioritising (after all, they have the same responsibilities) and confirm how much time they think you should be spending on line management vs delivering activities. Work out how much time you need to spend on line management (is that an hour per week per person? How much time does that equate to per week/month) and how much time does that leave for casework. And then go to your manager and clearly ask them to confirm how they expect you to prioritise your time.

also, think about how your 121s actually work in practice. Is it essentially constantly task focussed? Look at setting aside an hour a month/quarter where you both step back from current tasks and do the personal stuff, where do they need support, what development activities do they need help with, what are they struggling with? It sounds like your team may be conscious that you’re struggling with workload, but still need that level of direction and support and don’t know how to get that. Line management is a very specific skill and needs to be developed, you need to develop those skills but your line manager should be helping you do that also.

Its really hard to not take this personally when you’re working flat out to keep all the plates spinning but it’s not a personal attack on you, just people highlighting that from their perspective there’s a gap in what they need atm and you need to lean on your own line manager to help you close that gap

That feedback doesn't sound that bad though? But it does make you feel a bit shit if your manager doesn't prioritise 1-1 meetings.

As soon as I read your op I could tell you were in social care. Being a team manager in this area is an impossible job so be kind to yourself. I'm relatively new to social care but, unlike most professions, I can see already that it needs more middle management as you have such an important job in 'holding' your staff. I suspect most SW's would give similar feedback about their TM (inc me) but they recognise it's a structural rather than an individual issue xx

I fell apart on my manager and currently see no way back. I know I could get signed off ( have not taken a day's sick in 5 years I have been there).

Jesus. This is why the Uk is in such a productivity whole. People can’t take feedback without being signed off for gods knows what.

Did your manager give you any constructive feedback how to deal with the feedback?
It’s obvious that you are in a high pressure work situation, but the feedback seems to suggest you refocus. It’s really not horrendous feedback though, it’s stuff you can work on.
Personally, I would speak to each member of your staff and see if you can agree how they want to be better supported. Tackling this head on will show that you are not only willing to take on board this feedback, but keen to make changes. I don’t know what management level you’re at, but make sure whatever you agree is in writing and that it requires mutual effort - don’t take all the blame.
Also, remember people find it easy to bitch when given opportunity!!!

But most of us can at least spell ‘hole’!

Do you think these people are too demanding of your time and are unable to act without direction?

You sound completely exhausted and it's awful to have that sort of discussion on a Friday and then have the weekend to have it going round in your head. Try not to let it eat away at you over the weekend, have some rest and family time.
The feedback isn't awful but when you don't get much positive alongside it is going to seem much worse than it is. I wonder how much of it you are actually able to control and have sway over? Especially with what you said about 10 hours of back to back meetings.
Go in on Monday with your positive mindset in place, be your usual cheery self with the team.
Then, think about how you can change things in your job so that you can make more time to be with your team. What's one thing that you can seek your manager's support to make happen? Once you've got that in place, what might the next thing be to tackle?

I wouldn't take their feedback personally, because I can't imagine any manager in social care being provided good feedback. It's a service that requires to be bulldozed and started again from scratch.
My career was in health, and the integration with social care was one of the main drivers in me leaving. The culture of blame, passing the buck and arse covering in the service was impossible - I've never met an unhappier workforce.

This sounds more to me like feedback on the office culture rather than on you personally. You don’t have enough time to give them, and they need more of your time. THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! If your manager was a decent manager they’d be helping you to free up time to give your staff more attention and looking into how this can be done, rather than using it as a stick to beat you with. You need to flag that your workload is too heavy and you don’t have enough time.

I hate 360° feedback, it just encourages people to be bitchy anonymously with no comeback.

I think by virtue of the fact you're gutted by this feedback shows how dedicated you are to the job. Honestly, that's mildly critical, if at all. As others have said, they want more time and more help. If you don't have much time I would work at adjusting your listening style to at least make sure everyone always feels heard. You probably do this already though. Don't beat yourself up. Go in confident and smiling on Monday, it will work out.

Hello @katedan this doesn’t sound like negative feedback to me, just feedback. Quite neutral.. xx

Positive, neutral, negative feedback is important to help us grow.

Perhaps further training could help, give new skills on management / time management etc. Maybe your employer could pay?

This company have lots of training courses online or in person. https://www.thehubevents.com/training-courses/location/london

There are lots and lots of different ones. Here is one for example: ‘Delivering Exceptional Performance when everyone’s busy.’ Maybe you and other senior managers could do it in your company. It can be for up to 15 people. Lots of options for individual too. https://www.thehubevents.com/training-courses/delivering-exceptional-performance-when-everyone%E2%80%99s-busy

This sounds like a good opportunity to talk more with your manager about how to succeed as a team. It sounds like you are doing a great job. I hope you can get some rest this weekend, well done for all you have been doing!! I also do agree, it’s so important to put yourself and family first 🙏 xx

Also lots of management courses: https://www.thehubevents.com/training-courses/management

Have a look through the main website link.

Finance, leadership, management, personal impact & effectiveness.. it goes on 🙏

Your understanding of productivity is reductive. Other posts have made clear that there are systemic issues within the middle management layer of social care. Coming down harshly on this, clearly dedicated but wrung out, op is not going to help anything.

This!
you obviously are a very hard working employee. Is there anyone who has recently been promoted or a new bod to the company by any chance? A new entrant always wants to put their own stamp (ie upheaval) on things & show their worth. 😏
I agree your workload will be horrendous. As op said, make 121's with said people asking what they need (worded better) from you. I've been there with ageism in the workplace (if it is), it's bullying in my eyes at worst.
Don't doubt yourself, come back fighting. See what you can shave off time-wise on projects (do you procastinate?) and/or delegate. Not easy but you know your job well. A load of girls working together = fireworks! Can you use AI (at home Google) to collate a template for 121's? Good luck 💐

I think if you’re managing some of the day to day tasks will need to be reallocated - that’s what I’ve had to do (and I can be a bit of a control freak and like things done my way but I’ve had to learn to guide people and just relax a bit and let them find their own feet). Which will free up time for you to do more one on one meetings with your team.

it doesn’t sound awful - but I can understand why you’re upset. Being in management can be isolating, but the right workplace would make a huge improvement. And if your boss isn’t supporting you and helping you find the time to do all your tasks (which means the shuffling of work) then it’s toxic. Especially if they’re not encouraging you to have a good work life balance and genuinely meaning it (I’m at a law firm which are very good about making sure people don’t spend weekends working and staying logged on until midnight - it’s a breath of fresh air at my new place).

Don’t go off sick. Do go in with a big smile on Monday and think of how you can use the feedback that’s been given in a positive way. Be confident and act happy even if you don’t feel it. But just keep an eye on things and maybe see if there’s a better place to work.

Like others I also recognised that you were likely in social work before you said the field. I think of course it’s worth reflection to make sure that your time is used in the best way and you’re working proportionately. Can you set up peer support groups or group supervision sessions for the team so that it’s not all on you? I also think you need to be kind to yourself because frankly it’s an impossible task and you’ll kill yourself trying to do everything perfectly, and that won’t help anyone at all especially your family. You need to speak to your own manager about these resourcing issues.