Blind sided at work and don't know what to do next

[katedan]

I have been struggling for a while at work for a few months, lots of pressure but I work very hard and very long hours and thought I was a good manager. Today I was given feedback from my manager in relation to the people I manage,s feedback about me as a manager and it was brutal!!! Lots of negative feedback about me as a manager. I fell apart on my manager and currently see no way back. I know I could get signed off ( have not taken a day's sick in 5 years I have been there). I cannot stop crying and feel awful i sacrificed my own kids and my home to give 100% to this job and although I am not perfect I always felt I was a good manager. Please advise me as I have to face everyone Monday morning knowing what they have said.

Presumably your team were asked what could be changed to make things better rather than what can they think of to criticise their manager. They are unlikely to talk about positive things, simply because they would not be seen as relevant by the team - they would want to focus on things that can be improved. Not things that are already ok. You seem incredibly defensive, not listening to anything anyone is saying on here (or at least being very choosey about your responses). You need to think about WhAT was said, and whether it could, just possibly, be accurate. And if so, what can you do (and involve your team with the feedback and resolutions to show you have listened to what they have said) to improve the areas that are mentioned. Just google some of it - the answers are all there.

I think they were trying to make the op laugh - they seem to have managed it

Thought it was actually quite a good way to respond to op's overwhelm.

Op- I don't have much to add to the responses youre already getting. You sound very overworked & burned out with work - a Talk through & a sleep and hopefully you'll feel a bit better tomorrow.

Definitely stand up for your unmet needs at work, take the personal out of it as a pp said, and reflect on how you can make the changes needed with your boss' support.

Your line manager should be offering training/mentoring to help you address the issues that have been raised. Ask for it. They will know that they are on dodgy ground re contructive dismissal if they don't provide it.

What is your job? What business is it??

It’s an incredibly difficult sector, social care, massively under resourced. I think these people are saying they’d like more of your time, but they probably know you don’t have any. It could very well be more a complaint of the system than of you personally.

It sounds like you’re a hardworking dedicated employee who is not used to getting negative feedback and this has hit you very hard and personally. That’s completely normal. Maybe when you have slept on it and had a chance to get over the pure shock of it, you can begin to see the opportunity.
look at it this way - now you know what you didn’t before. You know what you have to work on and you’re entitled to ask for help with that. Your manager shouldn’t just dump feedback on you without helping you to make it constructive. If I were you, I would ask for a coach. Then use the coach to help you change the way you work so that you are giving people more of what they want - sounds like they want more of you - that’s a good thing really! And maybe there will be ways of delegating smarter. Imagine if this is a real turning point in your career for the better? And you get to spend more time with your family and stop doing 10 hour days? Or you might even use the coach to figure out what you really, truly want out of your career and see what’s possible.

Sometimes things are said for a reason. If you haven't achieved the support, admiration and respect of the staff that you manage then something probably isn't working.

Maybe consider a career change. Not everyone is a people's person.

Sounds like you are working your socks off while the team feel they have more to offer. Might be an idea to learn how to delegate more. I know skills development takes time but it's time well invested that will pay dividends. Stop with the 10 hour days. Take a lunch break, go for a walk, you will be more effective instead of being more frazzled. At the next review your team will be saying that you expect too much. That's the scourge of middle management xxx

You sound like you're on the edge of a breakdown op. Like others I don't think this feedback is a reflection on you unless you are choosing to have back to back meetings when you don't have to. You need to discuss with your manager what you can not do in order to spend more time on your team. You also need to look after your mental health. Does your workplace offer mental health support?

You sound like a hard working and nice supportive manager. They sound like a bunch of 2 faced backstabbers in a blame culture where everyone is overworked . Don’t be pushed out. Why should you be just because of your age? Stop the overtime. Spend more time with family. Allot team each a 121 with you on whatever frequency and time length is reasonable for you to complete your own schedule without overtime and where you get a one hour lunch break . Tell them to come prepared , to email you beforehand with areas they need help. Put the onus on them. Set them KPIs and give them actions. You are not their friend. They can say goodbye to mrs nice guy. Find your inner Alan Sugar!

Sorry, I should have added that your mental health & your family should be your priority, so maybe it would be better to walk away.

So put a business case together for more staff to help manage workloads. That’s what you need to fight for, showing you have your team’s backs. Managing people is part of your job so you need to prioritise it even if that means declining meetings, or you’re telling your team they are the least important thing.

I think tomorrow you'll feel a lot better about this - I don't understand the quitting/I'm an awful manager rhetoric. 360 reviews are for constructive feedback - I always give something to be worked on when I do mine. Just start thinking how you can plan to resolve it.

Sorry was the feedback that the team have said you are awful and need to leave?

OP I knew you were going to say social care from your second post

I had similar feedback once about not having in depth supervision, I asked to sit in on someone doing in depth supervision so I could learn from it. In the 2hr supervision they discussed 5 children (and they didn't type the notes at the same time so needed longer afterwards to put it on the system). I pointed out that our policy was to cover all the cases every supervision+ get the notes on contemporaneously and on my team that meant 27-30 children to discuss in 90 minutes (but that 90mins also had to include wellbeing, training and development and staff feedback)

You may well be a good manager, but you can only provide what the system allows you to do. Be kind to yourself

This does scream ‘you’re taking on too much and not delegating enough’

One of the things I’ve found hardest to learn as a manager is letting go and I see it really frequently in managers who are new or not very confident. The job I really progressed with delegation was when I took on an extra function and just had to support the team rather than doing any actual work on it.

I have also found that it takes a good 3-6 months of effort in coaching and developing someone before they are saving you time but if you put in the effort upfront you can just then let them crack on if they’re good. There is also a discipline when you’re busy to build in time into your diary for team management and to protect 1:1s as much as possible. It’s too easy to get into ‘head down saviour mode’ and try and fix things yourself but as you’ve seen you then to just burn out and then also not really get the most out of your team.

The best thing you can do now is to have some conversations re how to provide a bit more stretch and how do reduce your diary commitments down so you can be a bit more available. Don’t take it personally - they want a bit more of you. I’ve seen much more brutal 360 from people at senior levels.

It's a learning curve OP and your still on one despite what you think given your responsibilities. You need to embrace that and cut yourself some slack and certainly don't let the intrusive thoughts get in about quitting or looking for lower paid jobs. Its better it you who gives a damn than some other one who doesn't. So look at your hours- delegate some meetings as a learning opportunity for those less senior on your team. Its exactly the kind of thing they need to develop. Have monthly 121's with your team and offer them genuine feedback in detail, less when it's not needed. Monthly or bi weekly case discussions for the non urgent stuff and a team case clinic type thing that they can bring to you certain days in the week x3 . Cap the time. You can all learn re others cases and they have that 'touch in' in the week with you so they don't feel so adrift? Maybe they're frustrated with the set up of things and it's coming back onto you but be mindful of being managed out like pp have raised

I thought you were going to say social work. I’d be pushing back hard, asking where they are going to alter things, to allow you the time to manage more effectively.

The cynic in me would also be wondering how this feedback was sought, as given how under pressure frontline social care staff are, there's a big difference between
'do you feel supported enough in your role/do you get enough reflective supervision'

And 'how do you find X as a manager'

I've worked in many organisations where the frustrations of frontline staff were used as a stick to beat middle management with, when if you spoke to the frontline staff they knew the managers were doing the best they could, but that there weren't enough of them, they weren't available enough (because of the workload) and they didn't feel they wanted to bother them (because they could see they were chairing back to back meetings all day). Those frustrations were genuine, but again was about the system rather than the individual skills of any particular manager - do you think there could be anything similar going on here from the person who has given you this feedback?

For what it's worth I went on a leadership course where the personal feedback was brutal and struck me to the core... but when I thought about it I realised it was valid and it made me a much stronger person able to much better handle criticism (valid and invalid) moving forward.

You need to get over the initial shock and upset that has hurt you, and look objectively at the comments and be open with your team about how change is a two way street and they as much as you must communicate better etc. Right now you're in the "hurt" stage, move beyond it and try and use the comments to improve yourself.
Good luck

OP take a breath. You are overworked and trying your best.

Your team haven’t been negative they just want more from you. That ain’t bad feedback.

I would get the while team together on Monday, tell them you have had rhe feedback (maybe mention you wish they would have come to you first) and want to discuss how to positively go forward together.

This will show your manager you are addressing the problem, you are giving more time to your team and supporting them.

Take notes. Send the team an email about the proposed solutions and what you propose to do. Then schedule those 1-1s and stick to them.

And also, to find that time back start using the 1-1s to challenge them as they have requested by giving them some of your work. This will support their development and help you to find more time.

Good luck.

I thought this was social work when I read it! Is it statutory social work? There is so much pressure on managers in social work, work can't be delegated to the team, all social workers and their direct managers are under immense pressure. Social workers need more support than the average employee and managers often don't have the time to deliver such a high level of support because their own work load is so high. Although you should reflect and try to make changes try not to let this get you down, you won't be the only manager with poor feedback.

How long have you been a manager?

What training did you have before you took the role? What training have you had since?

What have your staff said about you up to now?

Do you have enough time in your job to carry out all your tasks, including managing staff?

Sorry you're going through this OP.

Sometimes it takes a push to get us where we need to be, whether that's a different role or different job altogether.

Try not to take it personally.