WFH- partner came over unannounced

[Inchacha]

I mainly WFH. I was in a video call meeting earlier when DP arrived at my house unannounced (we don’t live together). He was unwell yesterday and I know he is really worried about his health, I made my excuses from my call for a few mins whilst I said hello to and made him a cup of tea, checked how he was feeling and apologised that I couldn’t take more time out of my meeting (sometimes when he pops over unannounced I might be able to grab 15 mins but not always). I rejoined my call.

DP then interrupted me after 20 mins or so by coming into my office, made stupid noises and laughed when I muted my call and asked him to keep it down. I was really embarrassed. He left but 20 mins later came back and said he was going and it was clear he was pretty cross that I hadn’t made more effort to fuss round him.

I understand that he is scared about his health and wanted more support than I gave him. But AIBU to think that I shouldn’t have just dropped everything? I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me.

I’m afraid he’s been an absolute arse. How incredibly childish for him to interrupt your call by making stupid noises-is he 5? I’d be telling him very clearly that he is not to come over without warning and certainly not when you’re working. It’s unfortunate he’s having a health issue, but that doesn’t give him a pass to act like an attention seeking toddler.

OP, the hills are that way 👉

Precisely!

I’ve not sat down and thought about lots of these things before. I’ve got a history of not setting great boundaries. An emotionally abusive ex-h made sure that I didn’t know a healthy boundary from a shitty one- thought I’d worked on this but seems I need to do more work.

The behaviour in the original post was ridiculous and childish but your updates are huge red flags. Putting you and your job down; making you worry unnecessarily about him by purposely not communicating; violating your boundaries by showing up at yours and your children's home unannounced.

Throw this one back OP! You deserve better.

@Inchacha lets make a list:

• disregard your boundaries by coming over unannounced
• embarrassed you in front of colleagues
• disrespects your career
• sulks when he doesn’t get the attention he wants
• stonewalls you to punish you for not doing what he wanted

Have I missed anything?

I would dump him for this. No exaggeration.

Seriously, put him in the bin and get rid.

The more you post, the more manipulative he sounds. He knows you dont like something but does it anyway. He knows you would worry so did the thing that would cause that.

This doesn't sound like a good guy. Why are you accepting this behaviour? You deserve better than a manipulative man child

Yes he’s trying to make her vulnerable. Her children too seeing as she supports them.

You definitely need more practice with boundaries but also, you need to be single. I'm the same as you, men who takes the piss seem to gravitate towards me and they love nothing more than messing with your brain and make you think they are the reasonable ones and you are the crazy over sensitive one. That's why I'm single for the last 3 years and will remain that way until I can trust myself to spot the signs. My kids are also older and I'm just enjoying having my freedom and the bed to myself, it's so calm and peaceful.

No woman’s job could possibly be as important as a man’s needs. Bin the misogynistic, grim prick off.

Sorry but that is appalling behaviour - when you are WFH you are in your office. Would he have turned up at your work base office and behaved like that - I don't think so ? This really isn't normal behaviour.

He has demonstrated that he has no respect for you , health worries are no excuse, and you shouldn't be entertaining his interruptions. In fact you really should question whether you should continue the relationship.

Omg I’d be furious with him! Worried about his health or not, he cannot just interrupt your working day unannounced and especially not disturb your meetings.
You should give him a piece of your mind and let him know that whilst you’re sympathetic to his illness and worries, this is absolutely unacceptable behaviour.
I assume if you were in a workplace he would never just turn up and interrupt- he needs to treat your home office the same way.

If he wants to take priority over your work, maybe he should start paying all your bills.

Even my kids know they don't interrupt work calls, he's a child. He needs to be apologising not you.

He isn't that ill if he can get himself to your place and make silly noises. What a dickhead.

I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me.

OP, I don’t think is a healthy relationship. At all. He sounds like a spoilt, controlling cunt.

Are you a doctor? If not the first thing you should have done was tell him to get doctor's appointment or go to A+E. He is outrageous,

Would he go into a office to see you and expect you to drop everything? No as that would be mental.
He needs to change his mindset and realise you are at work . Even though it's in your home .
Very unprofessional. He should be saying sorry to you

Is he likely to get nasty if you end it?

He sounds horrendous.

I'd be pissed! Would he have walked into an office and sat in on your meeting? You're working, he clearly thinks you should drop everything at his beck and call. Let him sulk and when you do talk to him, tell him how disrespectful he was.

He sounds like a self centred arsehole. I would dump him. You've got three kids, you don't need another one do you? Give him the elbow before you lose your job and your home. Oh, and your self respect.

He’s a child

youll never be an equal

Your work is your livelihood. It is how you make money to live. It's how you support your children.

If he could get himself over to your place and drink tea, he wasn't that ill. Your partner shouldn't be just dropping in and expecting you to take off work to hold your hand to his fevered brow or some such bullshit. That he interrupted your work twice was rude as fuck. He did that deliberately and I'd be getting my keys back. He's trying to get you to play into his health anxiety and being manipulative. In fact, I wouldn't have time for his bullshit. Yes, your work takes priority over his coming over playing sick and expecting you to cater to him like some bangnurse.

A medical emergency is different.