WFH- partner came over unannounced

[Inchacha]

I mainly WFH. I was in a video call meeting earlier when DP arrived at my house unannounced (we don’t live together). He was unwell yesterday and I know he is really worried about his health, I made my excuses from my call for a few mins whilst I said hello to and made him a cup of tea, checked how he was feeling and apologised that I couldn’t take more time out of my meeting (sometimes when he pops over unannounced I might be able to grab 15 mins but not always). I rejoined my call.

DP then interrupted me after 20 mins or so by coming into my office, made stupid noises and laughed when I muted my call and asked him to keep it down. I was really embarrassed. He left but 20 mins later came back and said he was going and it was clear he was pretty cross that I hadn’t made more effort to fuss round him.

I understand that he is scared about his health and wanted more support than I gave him. But AIBU to think that I shouldn’t have just dropped everything? I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me.

Also He also threw at me the fact that he took me to the hospital a few weeks ago as my dad had been rushed in, he was “good enough to run around after your dad but not good enough to be able to just pop in when he was passing” he’s saved this to throw at you because he feels you owe him for helping you. He hasn’t realised that helping your partner when they need it is just what you do in a healthy, loving relationship. And just to be kind, with no expectations of a return on your invested time and effort.

He’s like one of those ‘nice’ men who think that they deserve a woman’s attention because they haven’t been abusive to her. He’s insane. I’m so pleased for you that you’ve seen the light. Do please anticipate awful behaviour and be careful with your personal safety. Take yourself off his phone so he can’t see your location. Don’t meet up with him and if he threatens self harm, call the police and let them deal with him. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Well done you.

@ForZanyAquaViewer taking time out of my working day to make a drink, during a 4 hour meeting, is hardly dereliction of duties! So I don't think I was poorly performing in this instance, let alone "routinely". My boss certainly wouldn't say so.

Get him off that tracker. And good for you walking away.

Was it his or your idea to allow him to track you?

My 4 year old knows not to interrupt me when I'm working from home.

Your partner needs to understand that WFH means that your home/ room is your place of work.

So glad to read you've dumped this pathetic attention seeking, controlling, jealous man child.

Now get the key safe code changed and remove the tracker on your phone ASAP and you'll be totally free of him.

IF he brings any trouble to your door, please do not hesitate to report it to the police. He gives me bad vibes.

Your partner sounds like hard work. I hope he's worth it.

You haven’t really thought that out properly have you?

If you consider real jobs to be only those that are directly consumer facing or involving physical labour, then sure. However, the majority of white collar jobs - finance, accountancy, most aspects of law, anything digital, marketing, I could go on, but you get the idea - are neither of those things. And we can do them perfectly well from home (according to staff, employers, clients and consumers).

That is exactly what I meant - you can hardly compare finance, accountancy, law, anything digital and marketing with the work of teachers, non-GP doctors, bus/plane/train drivers, hairdressers, dentists, nurses, etc. That is what I meant.

Why not?

Ah. Plus without the banks most people won’t have a home so that problem solves itself I guess when all the people wfh stop work as it’s not a real job. There are people working from home every day, triaging your medical cases, etc. And if they all stopped, your water systems would fall over (actually with water they would go bankrupt first given the amount of financial struggles they have at the moment), a number of your power companies would also, as would the airports. I guess the roads would continue to sit there and eventually fall into disprepair, it’s not as immediately obvious as the other when they stop being run. You can sit in your post apocalyptic rubble and say oh good only real jobs left.

even 15 years ago I knew people who could fire up gas power plants from their phone at home to feed needed energy into the grid. Imagine how much else there is like that now. But I guess you don’t need power, that’s not a real job.

I think you may have misunderstood my comment.

The hairdressers one is funny though- this poster has decided all those other jobs don’t matter or contribute to life at all, only teachers and doctors etc matter and of course don’t forget the world falls apart if we cant go and get our hair cut!

If you don’t think an accountant or a lawyer has a ‘real job’, then I suppose that’s your right. I don’t agree or understand your metric, however.

Why can't you? Are you actually saying that being a lawyer isn't a 'real' job?

Well at least he didn't mooch in wearing the dressing gown of doom😂
Hopefully he'll stay away permanently.

Good riddance OP. What a twat. And you should be very proud with yourself.

You found your inner tiger and roared! Well done! I'm sitting here smiling broadly at your updates.
Stay safe and stay strong. You're better off without him.

Would he do it if you worked in an office? Come and interrupt your meeting and make stupid noises? I think not.

He’s being a prize prat.

Quite.

I wonder if this poster realises that without the Network Rail timetable planners who work from home 4 days in 5, there would be no point in her star pupil train drivers turning up for work.

I actually smiled with relief when I drove away. I hadn’t realised how wrong this had all felt until this afternoon. The penny actually dropped.

Remember that feeling. Hold it real tight. And prepare for a lot of emotional anguish of how he didn't mean it, how he cannot cope and you are being so selfish not to have him back (to ruin your life), blah blah blah.

Hello and welcome to mumsnet Gutsy_Inchacha

He sounds tiresome. Like he feels a bit under the weather and expects you to drop everything and make a big fuss over him. If he felt really ill he'd have taken himself off to bed with paracetamol.

I'm sorry op, I missed that your eldest is at uni and not being supported by you!

Hope all is well this evening?

He's got access to your icloud account?

You know that means he can read everything, don't you?