WFH- partner came over unannounced

[Inchacha]

I mainly WFH. I was in a video call meeting earlier when DP arrived at my house unannounced (we don’t live together). He was unwell yesterday and I know he is really worried about his health, I made my excuses from my call for a few mins whilst I said hello to and made him a cup of tea, checked how he was feeling and apologised that I couldn’t take more time out of my meeting (sometimes when he pops over unannounced I might be able to grab 15 mins but not always). I rejoined my call.

DP then interrupted me after 20 mins or so by coming into my office, made stupid noises and laughed when I muted my call and asked him to keep it down. I was really embarrassed. He left but 20 mins later came back and said he was going and it was clear he was pretty cross that I hadn’t made more effort to fuss round him.

I understand that he is scared about his health and wanted more support than I gave him. But AIBU to think that I shouldn’t have just dropped everything? I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me.

He is an idiot.

Thankyou! :-)

Get rid of him. He is vile.

So don't call him. Why on earth should you be worrying about him being cross with you when he's behaved so appallingly to you. Find your anger! It's you who should be cross and he who should be sitting there worrying about whether he's upset you. He won't be, because your dynamic will be you pandering around him. Make it stop. Ignore him until he calls you and then tell him he owes you an apology. His illness does not give him the right to obstruct you earning your living.

He sounds like an immature wanker.

Did he need you to take him to A & E ?

What an attention-seeking knobhead! Sorry OP but turning up and dicking about like that when you’re trying to work is something I’d forgive in an eight year old but not a grown man.

I think you’ve answered your own question OP.

as a sense check at the least his behaviour is seriously weird. Who just shows up during someone else’s working day and then pesters them on the phone?

At worst it is controlling and narcissistic.

At least you don’t live together! And no kids together and not married. So it’s a simple binning.

His behaviour is appalling, it's dismissive and rude. That you think he might use this to accuse you of being full of yourself and get cross at you is really telling.

Time to call it a day OP. You deserve better than to be made to feel small by this loser.

He is trying to sabotage your career because he is threatened by you being financially independent and/or outranking him in the career/earnings stakes.

Sorry OP but he needs to respect that you are working.

I WFH everyday for about 3 years and am now hybid but my DH knows if I am in a meeting to leave me to it. If he needs sonething from the room I am in, he will text so I can quickly turn off my camera and he can get it.

Omg your children are all above 10 and you are adopting this man baby?? Get rid of him asap you can do much better

Totally unacceptable, if you weren't working from home would he have turned up at your workplace? His behaviour is totally out of order, I wouldn't want a partner who behaved like this.

What a pathetic and embarrassing excuse for a man. Surely you’re not attracted to this?

You’re allowing yourself to be walked all over by this loser who is trying to belittle and sabotage you to make himself feel empowered. This needs to stop.

From your updates it sounds like you are coming to your own realisations - let it keep sinking in.

Let him ignore you - don’t contact him unless it is to end the relationship.

I think you know what you need to do for your own sanity - you will be so much better off without him in your life.

Don’t let him come crawling back - no matter how guilty he tries to make you feel - when he starts saying “oh it’s because I’m so anxious about my health” etc. Bollocks to that - you don’t need a fourth child to take care of (I’m sure your 20 year old behaves like more of a man than him).

Love it when people who are too stupid to practice simple reading comprehension think they can patronise other people who are demonstrably less stupid than they are.

You know the answer don’t you? What a disrespectful, bullying p*%#k!
How old are you both / how long together?
He has to go doesn’t he, how dare he embarrass you / speak to you like that?
⛳️ ⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️

I would not be bothered about him coming over unannounced but I would expect him to be able to look after himself, make his own brew and occupy himself quietly until I was free. Making stupid noises, interrupting your work and huffing about not being pandered to would get him dumped.

You love supporting people who accuse others (strangers) of being idiots because they agreed with SOMEONE ELSES post. Well done 👏great input.

Even our 8 year old knows not to interrupt when DH is working from home. That's ridiculous, if you'd been in a serious client meeting you could have ended up in major trouble with your employer.
Coming round in itself I wouldn't have a problem with, but he should have made himself a drink and waited downstairs occupying himself until you were free for a break. I'd have a serious talk about it and potentially consider ending things after that behaviour to be honest. It's unbelievably immature.

I don't know what you should do, but this post illustrates brilliantly why WFH is never working, either literally or metaphorically.

If I couldn't wfh, I couldn't work. It's great for me.
Unfortunately the issue with OP is the giant manbaby who doesn't respect her, her time or her career.

Teams (or similar) video call meeting, was my understanding.

You should have done no more than raised an eyebrow

why on earth did you make him tea??

DP then interrupted me after 20 mins or so by coming into my office, made stupid noises and laughed when I muted my call and asked him to keep it down.

I keep rereading this bit & just can't get past it.

What an absolute arsehole.

Lots of businesses are currently partially or fully remote, and it works well - for staff, stakeholders, consumers and the businesses’ bottom lines. There has been research that bears this out.

What OP has related is very unusual. And, on a purely personal and anecdotal level, isn’t something I’ve come across. I don’t think it can be taken as indicative of failings in wfh in general. In any workplace context, there are sometimes (very unfortunately) members of staff with personal situations that negatively impact their ability to do their job (which is not to say that the OP is routinely doing her job poorly - we don’t have enough information for that).

I think, as with all things, there needs to be a bit of give and take.

In this situation, he’s obviously an arsehole. But, in general, wfh works if there’s some sort of separate ‘office’ space for the worker, and they and others in the home are considerate to each others’ needs.

Sometimes a separate space isn’t available and/or someone in the equation is consistently inconsiderate, and it all falls apart.