WFH- partner came over unannounced

[Inchacha]

I mainly WFH. I was in a video call meeting earlier when DP arrived at my house unannounced (we don’t live together). He was unwell yesterday and I know he is really worried about his health, I made my excuses from my call for a few mins whilst I said hello to and made him a cup of tea, checked how he was feeling and apologised that I couldn’t take more time out of my meeting (sometimes when he pops over unannounced I might be able to grab 15 mins but not always). I rejoined my call.

DP then interrupted me after 20 mins or so by coming into my office, made stupid noises and laughed when I muted my call and asked him to keep it down. I was really embarrassed. He left but 20 mins later came back and said he was going and it was clear he was pretty cross that I hadn’t made more effort to fuss round him.

I understand that he is scared about his health and wanted more support than I gave him. But AIBU to think that I shouldn’t have just dropped everything? I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me.

This. entirely.

As a PP said, this is narcissistic behaviour. If he is ill, he needs to call and see his GP. I'm presuming you are not also his GP OP?

He's behaving as if he is seven years old and wants attention from his mother and that would make me sick to my stomach.

Don't contact him. Fade him out. You are doing a brilliant job of keeping your ship afloat and sailing. He can't bear that.

Stop pandering to a drip.

He's a CF. I do believe that family have priority over work but that's within reason and needs some mutal respect. My DH and I are each other's priority over work, if one of us was seriously ill in hospital we would be there for each other. If we were anxious about our health but able to function, as your DP clearly is as he made his way to your home, we wouldn't ask the other to leave work to entertain us as we respect that we have other responsibilities outside our relationship.

Op wasn't working from home when she was doing her cleaning job.

I would have been absolutely livid the second I found out he was in the house and made him leave immediately.

You're not his doctor or his mother.

Works brilliantly for all my staff too.

You just have to kick out the ones who think they can talk to the neighbours and delivery drivers for hours.

It is not up to you to judge if it works 'brilliantly' - it is for the recipients of the fruits of your labour, don't you see? Your clients, your colleagues, your boss, the end consumer, fgs! Of course it works brilliantly for you!😂

My thoughts exactly!

Every day is a learning day on Mumsnet...

He sounds an attention seeking manchild.
Whereas OP, you sound like an adult with a career and responsibilities.
Is this really what you want?

This has so many 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

That gives me

Pretend seizures
Pretend heart attacks
Pretend strokes

Otherwise known as 'when things aren't going my way, I dramatically collapse to the floor so that my girlfriend thinks I'm dying'

Throw in attempts to move in, the intention to start on you to chuck your colder children out to fend for themselves (bet that's in the pipeline) and the literally following you to work in the past and he's looking to get his claws into your house, your children out and you being his servant-prisoner.

I agree, family members having to tip toe around their own homes it's ridiculous!! - I'm not excusing this dudes behaviour BTW.

He is still jealous - of your job and probably of the independence your job allows you to enjoy. Don't move in with him. It's good that you decided to post, hopefully it helps you see what this looks like from the outside.

I'm confused so the OP was out on a cleaning job and the bf turned up at a clients home?

But it does work for many.

The OP's adult children aren't tiptoeing around the house. They're just not disturbing her. My brother works from home.because he works for himself. He has an office and no one else goes in there. My son successfully works from home 60-80% of the time.

Posters in here have described how it works (successfully) in their houses. No one is tiptoeing around the place. Very few workplaces are silent. Many people have to deal with noise in their work environment.

It only doesn't work when you've got a dickhead about the place who deliberately interrupts. That's a dickhead issue not a WFH issue.

No they don’t in mine! Ffs. Is it a national day for idiots today or something?

It’s not necessarily important to the world but it is to me as it pays my mortgage and funds the life of my 3ds and I- 20/16/10.

I'd have said these exact words to him but added "where as you're only a boyfriend, one of which doesn't seem to respect that I have to do so in order to live and am not here to be at you're beck and call.

I get this. Family and friends turn up any time they please as I “work from home” and self employed. I still have deadlines to meet and unable to stop to make them a brew or listen to their woes. I always think to myself if I worked in an office would they turn up whenever they please, probably not! Health worries or not your work should be respected. As for making silly noises while on call, extremely disrespectful. How old he?!

I'm sorry OP, it sounds shit.

My 9yo was unwell last week and off school. I had to go into work so my DH was at home with him. His work knew he was keeping an eye on the 9yo so it was all above board. But even so, my 9yo knew not to interrupt his dad unless he was feeling unwell and absolutely would have done so quietly. He certainly wouldn't have come in deliberately making noises or being distracting.

If a 9yo knows this, then your partner absolutely knows this too. He's 100% sabotaging you.

No it was a pub.

I fucking hate it when men come in here and make misogynistic comments like this.

The cleaning job was a different example that the OP referenced later in the thread. She was cleaning in a pub for extra money in addition to her main job, and her boyfriend wanted to go to work with her and kicked off when she said no.

The incident the thread is about was her main office job that she does from home.

Have read your responses but skimmed thr thread a bit OP.

But had to say I'd be so annoyed if someone did this to me.

1. WHY cant he make his own tea?
2. He had no idea how important this meeting was or not. You say not too important but what if it had been
3. The stupid way he behaved was like a Year 5 kid.

That's the first lot.
"I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me."

So he's got form for finding reasons to be cross with you?

Then he takes off in a sulk and won't answer your texts which he knows will worry you. What an absolute performance.

What does he actually add to your life?
You've said that your job is really important for your and your DC's security. I would take a very serious look at anyone who thought it was OK to undermine that, interupt you, beg for attention and then make snide comments about "Your important job".. because yes... it is important.
Time to consider things.

Lets not get sidetracked with a wfh debate I don't think it will help OP.

I understand why she stopped work and got him a cup of tea. These people get very nasty if they're not pandered to. It's been programmed in to serve them.

OP I'm glad you're beginning to see him more clearly.

Imagine if your 20 yr old ds was acting this way to a gf - would you be happy?