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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is unfair

130 replies

chickenlicken3 · 21/02/2025 13:39

DD17 goes to her dad's every other weekend. She's always shared a room with her younger step sibling.

They have recently had a change round of rooms which means DD no longer has a bed and will now be sleeping on the sofa bed in the living room. When questioning the decision, DD was told they weren't expecting her to still be visiting at nearly 18.

DD now no longer wants to go every other weekend (or sleep over at all) as her Dad and step mum are early risers, and you have to walk through the living room in order to get to the kitchen. She also has other step siblings including in the house that return home late at night.

AIBU in thinking this room swap could have been put on hold until she goes to university in September, or is it ok because she's nearly an adult? Would be interested to hear other people's opinions!

OP posts:
PragmaticIsh · 21/02/2025 13:41

Well it does signal to her that she's not really welcome, it's hardly a nice thing to do to her!

MuddyPawsIndoors · 21/02/2025 13:42

How old is the younger step sibling she's always shared with?

HermioneWeasley · 21/02/2025 13:43

It’s so unkind, it’s like they want her to feel unwelcome and stop her visiting.

Moonnstars · 21/02/2025 13:44

That sounds very unkind. If they had planned on this they could have at least spoken to her about the bedroom arrangements.
I also think it sounds like they don't plan on seeing her when she is an adult?! Do they suddenly think once children turn 18 they conjure up their own living arrangements?
Even if she is planning on uni there are the holidays.
I am not surprised she doesn't want to go if this is how she is being treated.

jimbort · 21/02/2025 13:44

This is horrible and speaks volumes about how much they want here there. Shame on them for doing that to a teenage girl. Glad she has someone who cares in you

boobybum · 21/02/2025 13:45

I think waiting until she went off to uni would have been a much kinder way to do this. However, them saying that they didn’t expect her to still be visiting at 17 speaks volumes and I’m not surprised she no longer wants to visit.

chickenlicken3 · 21/02/2025 13:46

@MuddyPawsIndoors She's 13

OP posts:
scanni · 21/02/2025 13:46

DD was told they weren't expecting her to still be visiting at nearly 18.

Heartbreaking that a parent could say that to their child.

LadyLucyWells · 21/02/2025 13:47

Wow, that's horrible all round, especially the bit about not expecting her to still be visiting at nearly 18. I would sleep on the sofa bed myself and let her have my room.

TomatoSandwiches · 21/02/2025 13:49

I think all children should have a room and bed ( not in the living room ) whilst they continue their education, this was really unfair especially to not have a discussion about it at least, sends a really horrible message and is this what the 13yr old sibling has to look forward to aswell? What about the step siblings?

chickenlicken3 · 21/02/2025 13:51

@TomatoSandwiches Both of the other children are step siblings, none are half. They both now have their own rooms.

OP posts:
SnoopysHoose · 21/02/2025 13:53

They've maybe worded it wrong but I'd not really be expecting a near 18 yr old to be sticking to access days like they were 5.
My DPs kids are fluid, days change every week as now they're teens they've busy lives of their own.

chickenlicken3 · 21/02/2025 13:55

@SnoopysHoose I think she's always stuck to the routine as her Dad doesn't see her any more than those 4 days a month. She sees her friends during the week or on 'my' weekends.

OP posts:
soarklyknobs · 21/02/2025 13:55

They clearly don't want her to visit anymore, how heartbreaking for your DD 😢

TomatoSandwiches · 21/02/2025 13:57

chickenlicken3 · 21/02/2025 13:51

@TomatoSandwiches Both of the other children are step siblings, none are half. They both now have their own rooms.

That's even worse, so they're just pushing her out completely and her father has gone along with it.
Doesn't sound like he wants to make any effort to spend time with his own daughter anyway, how sad for your girl op.

Dearg · 21/02/2025 13:59

Your poor DD.

Well, that’s another reason he’s your ex.

Thats truly shitty of them .

Alalalala · 21/02/2025 14:07

Bastards. Your poor DD.

Digdongdoo · 21/02/2025 14:10

Poor girl. Her dad is a disgrace.

Rosebud12345 · 21/02/2025 14:11

They didn’t still expect her to visit until 18 years old?

Bet they wouldn’t kick out her siblings at 18 though aye

Ponderingwindow · 21/02/2025 14:13

If I were dd I would stop going to his house entirely. I might also stop speaking to him.

Dad basically just told his dd he doesn’t care about her at all and isn’t bothered about having a relationship with her. not having a bed for her in his home until she is a fully launched adult, so past 18, is inexcusable.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 21/02/2025 14:13

So she has to sleep on a couch for five years? I would be encouraging her to stay home or visit during the day only. What a horrible thing to do to her

Rosebud12345 · 21/02/2025 14:14

Ponderingwindow · 21/02/2025 14:13

If I were dd I would stop going to his house entirely. I might also stop speaking to him.

Dad basically just told his dd he doesn’t care about her at all and isn’t bothered about having a relationship with her. not having a bed for her in his home until she is a fully launched adult, so past 18, is inexcusable.

He already does the bare minimum seeing her 4 times a month, agree it’s unforgivable

StormingNorman · 21/02/2025 14:15

How to make your daughter feel unwelcome 101.

what a disgusting man.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 21/02/2025 14:16

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 21/02/2025 14:13

So she has to sleep on a couch for five years? I would be encouraging her to stay home or visit during the day only. What a horrible thing to do to her

Where on earth have you got 5 years from?!

This is pretty shitty of them OP. He's really ruined what relationship they had doing this. At least she's got you though

ButIToldYouSoooo · 21/02/2025 14:21

Poor excuse of a father, literally pushing his child out of his life.

I'm sorry for your daughter, OP

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