To lie and not travel to a work meeting?

[mamabeeboo]

At the company for just over 2 years and dates/location have been announced for the annual work meeting. It's a lot of meetings, presentations, the CEO will be there (woop-de-dah!). It's somewhat relevant to my role, but wouldn't make a difference if I went/didn't go. I know this because when it was on last year, due to budget restraints, some people were not invited (like my team) and this didn't impact anything at all, targets were met and all went well.

I am invited this year and I don't want to go. I don't want the hassle of waking early to take a plane for work, participate in the fake niceties, spend all day trying not to dose off during presentations, have crappy buffet sandwiches daily, then networking dinners, enough to be exhausted to collapse into your hotel room ready to do it all again tomorrow, it's a 3 day long conference but 4 days total including travel time.

Work are arranging the travel that I am there just for the meetings and not a second to spare to see the city or do anything I want to do.

Manager has said it's a great opportunity to meet the wider team (yawn) and the CEO (yippee) and learn more about our products.

No it's not compulsory but "It would be nice" if I could attend.

It's also clearly not an important part of my job, because if it was, I'd have been invited last year.

I have blamed childcare and no one to look after DC. Which is a lie because DH can do it. Manager has expressed disappointment and has been a little off with me (or maybe it's just me overthinking) and has asked maybe DH can take time off work, maybe grandparents can help? I've said no and no.

AIBU?

I guess you don’t have to. It sounds like it will skew your managers view of you and potentially impact your future at the work place but it probably won’t!!

I do think you do a disservice to all women in the workplace when you use childcare as an excuse

Was overnight travel specified as part of the job?

If you have no ambitions for promotion in the near future then fair enough.

I’m not surprised your manager is off with you.

You don’t sound remotely interested in your work, your wider colleagues or your company.

Which is your call (and maybe you need to look at finding an employer that inspires you more) but don’t be surprised when you are first in line for redundancies and last in line for promotions.

Very good point.

Your choice but don’t blame childcare.

If you have career aspirations at this company I would absolutely go.

But either way I really would not let the churlish attitude in the Op show with senior people, it is very career limiting.

Meh I think these events can't be useful for networking more so than the conference themselves. I'd suck it up if it were me but maybe you're not looking for progress etc .

Your manager may have gone in to bat for you to go, and fought for the budget to be able to do it.

And I suspect that might be where their disappointment stems from - I’ve finally got someone to take it seriously that we need to attend and we’re worth the investment, and now you’re saying no.

I’ve had instances where I’ve had to really put forward a case for training or development opportunities for someone, knowing it will really develop them, develop networks and put them in front of senior staff members, if they’d turned down the opportunity I’d fought for I’d be fuming too.

It's not just about you though, your team and other people will benefit from meeting you in person and your contributions. You'll never feel better about it if you don't go and be part of it and meet some people. Do you really just want to stay in a little box meeting your targets and being left alone?

I do this all the time. I know I’ve kind of reached my peak at work anyway but I earn just short of £50k so financially I’m happy with that and I’m not bothered about progressing. Do what’s right for you 🤷‍♀️

I love networking and getting to know all aspects of the business so I think YABU to avoid it when you could just go.

If you’re happy with your role and not looking for progression, I wouldn’t go. Work is just work - they don’t own you and insisting you spend 4 full days and nights attending this, just to hear some corporate bullshit is ridiculous. The pandemic showed that it was entirely possible to talk to other team members (if actually necessary) without meeting in person and flying all over. I’d value my family time more than that.

Having said that, it depends if it was mentioned as part of taking this job that this would be an expectation. If not, I’d think that I do a damn good job during my work hours but the rest of the time is mine to enjoy as I wish.

I work to live though and not live to work.

Quite honestly I think you should go. Its a bit like people who claim working from home doesnt make any difference to networking and promotion prospects. Yeah right - of course it doesnt.

I would look for another role - you clearly dont think its important for you to go. Sorry but you dont sound engaged with this role or really care about it much either.

“Fake niceties”, trying not to drop off during presentations, yawn to getting to know the wider team? Jeez. The more I read it, the more I think you should just find a new job. How do you cope with being so cynical about the people you work with? It is actually possible to be genuinely pleased to meet a colleague you know.

You don't have to go, but you do need to fully understandt hat by not going, you are potentially negatively impacting how you are perceived and are going to be missing out on information, networking and opportunities to actually do better. That's fine ifyou don't want promotion, aren't interested etc but certainly doesn't position you as someone on the team who is invested and worth investing in.

I work in communications and while I don't usually handle internal communications, these sort of events are often really important from my perspective because it's an opportunity to embed messages about the firm, our key objectives, how we want to talk to clients etc and you'll be missing all that.

Do you mean “can” be useful?

I am so over this kind of corporate singing the company song bullshit, I just don't need it in my life. I turned down an overseas trip some years ago citing overnight childcare as the issue and my manager was similarly off with me and said "can't she stay with a friend?" but I refused to back down and didn't go. Everyone who did go was envious that I'd got out of it. Fuck that.

Unless you are extremely ambitious and keen to progress in this company and this role (in which case you should suck it up tbh) then I wouldn't go. But I am old and tired and bolshy and not you! Good luck deciding.

Also, stuff like this which requires sacrificing family time - they can't actually make you go unless it's in your contract so your manager is being unreasonable and unprofessional by being "off" with you, especially as she doesn't know you're making it up.

When I was 25 I'd have probably considered it an honour to be invited and would have gone and networked etc. Now, CBA!

If I was your manager I would be totally frustrated. Your lack of interest or enthusiasm for your role is very clear throughout your OP.

Work are arranging the travel that I am there just for the meetings and not a second to spare to see the city or do anything I want to do.

Well, yes. They want you to go for work purposes. Seems naive to expect otherwise in a cost cutting environment.

Couldn't you compromise and go for one or two days?

I think it also matters what your role is here. If you're a leader of a large team then you probably do need to do a certain amount of singing the company song and go.

IMO it also matters what you're paid, how senior you are, how invested you are in the company. If you're not that senior, not paid that well, not that bothered, don't go! 4 days is a long time away from home.

People here seem to be really loyal to their roles considering that the corporate world can drop you at any point, it's interesting.

Promotion is mediocre in the role. They have a way of doing things, everyone fits into the organisation and that's how it works here. There's no step up, unless someone leaves, and some have been in the organisation for decades, so I don't think any meeting will help that.

Childcare as an excuse ... Well, it's one of the very small perks of motherhood isn't it? I'd be surprised if no one here has used their child as an excuse at least once for something, even if it's leaving a dinner early or not being able to make something because DC are 'sick'.

You don’t have to go, of course not.

The message you are sending is my work here and future career prospects are not important enough for me to attend. Which is fine, but equally they will likely find that you are less important to them and you’ll be damaging your career prospects. Again, not a problem if it’s just a job to pay the bills and you don’t care.

Work conferences aren’t meant to be holidays or unbridled fun. They’re work. But they’re also useful and important to the future success of the business. Your churlish attitude makes for uncomfortable reading, I’d take care that it doesn’t show itself in person.

I’d think that I do a damn good job during my work hours but the rest of the time is mine to enjoy as I wish.

@Namechanged4obviousreasons the bulk of the conference will be within working hours though. Yes, travel and evening events will be outside, but items not as if the entire thing is during free time.

This, 100%.