To lie and not travel to a work meeting?

[mamabeeboo]

At the company for just over 2 years and dates/location have been announced for the annual work meeting. It's a lot of meetings, presentations, the CEO will be there (woop-de-dah!). It's somewhat relevant to my role, but wouldn't make a difference if I went/didn't go. I know this because when it was on last year, due to budget restraints, some people were not invited (like my team) and this didn't impact anything at all, targets were met and all went well.

I am invited this year and I don't want to go. I don't want the hassle of waking early to take a plane for work, participate in the fake niceties, spend all day trying not to dose off during presentations, have crappy buffet sandwiches daily, then networking dinners, enough to be exhausted to collapse into your hotel room ready to do it all again tomorrow, it's a 3 day long conference but 4 days total including travel time.

Work are arranging the travel that I am there just for the meetings and not a second to spare to see the city or do anything I want to do.

Manager has said it's a great opportunity to meet the wider team (yawn) and the CEO (yippee) and learn more about our products.

No it's not compulsory but "It would be nice" if I could attend.

It's also clearly not an important part of my job, because if it was, I'd have been invited last year.

I have blamed childcare and no one to look after DC. Which is a lie because DH can do it. Manager has expressed disappointment and has been a little off with me (or maybe it's just me overthinking) and has asked maybe DH can take time off work, maybe grandparents can help? I've said no and no.

AIBU?

I think you should look for a new job, you don't seem at all invested in this one.

Not being present also affects others’ perceptions of you, peers & seniors.

She’s not prioritising family over work though. That would be if she said “I can see the value of this and really want to go, but I can’t be away from my children for that long”.

Instead she is saying “this thing is a total fake yawn fest and I CBA. Handily, I can use my family as an excuse not to go”. I mean, she even mentioned that she might have been keener if she’d been able to fit in some sightseeing!

The only thing she is prioritising is her need to get out of a corporate event in which she has no interest.

In an economic climate where all companies are tightening their belts, your company are giving you the chance to network and make good connections, the opportunity to further your career. They are effectively losing four days of your productive time so you can go.

They wouldn't have found the budget for you to go if they didn't value you. Yet you are contemptuous of your colleagues and scornful of their giving you that priviledge.

You clearly don't like your job or your colleagues and don't rate your CEO. Perhaps you should leave and find a job that you think is worth the bother.

It's hard sometimes to say no to work things. At the end of the day there is no limit to the things your work would like you to do, for free. They can ask, and you can say no.

(like travel outside of your office hours, spending time on social events outside of office hours, being asked to work unpaid overtime due to bad project planning), but there has to be a balance there.

'Do you really just want to stay in a little box meeting your targets and being left alone?'

Thousands of us have seen the light and want exactly this.

I’d go, because I value my job and I would like to continue to progress. I acknowledge that sacrifices are often required to do that.

Im also surprised you’re so convinced it will be a waste of time given it doesn’t sound like you’ve been before?

You must be reading a different thread to everyone else if you think the OP is prioritising her family over work.

I have blamed childcare and no one to look after DC. Which is a lie because DH can do it.

She's not, she's just telling lies about them in order to get her own way.

Manager has said it's a great opportunity to meet the wider team (yawn) and the CEO (yippee) and learn more about our products.

You don’t deserve to have this job with your attitude.

If you’re happy where you are go for it.

If it’s a once a year sort of thing and your dh can manage I’d suck it up
(yes it sounds tedious)

I don’t blame you, @mamabeeboo, I used to loathe this sort of junket (am retired now).

The only snag I can see is - you’ve said this is an annual event so you’ll need to come with a more creative excuse in the future if you still don’t want to go (though you have a year to do that) or suck it up and go next year (or perhaps you are planning to leave the company before then).

At least you’ve had two years off for various reasons, I say well done you.

I’m sceptical about the value of these events, some people love hobnobing with the Top table, but it’s rarely worth the time spent. But if I was going to refuse to go I’d be honest why. You don’t feel it will benefit you, nor do you feel you will have anything to contribute that would benefit others. You would rather spend the time doing the work you’re paid for, and not use your personal time on a work event.

That's not a fake excuse. That's a real reason.
It happens of course. But in this instance OP can get cover but just doesn't want to go

Waiting to see your next post about someone else being promoted instead of you despite you doing such a great job of course.
Pathetic

I’m not sure why you’ve asked because you’ve clearly decided it’s a waste of your time and energy and probably a bit beneath you.

TBH I think your attitude stinks. We all have to do things we don’t want to for work.

As for using childcare as an excuse that really does a disservice to your dh, other women who are genuinely struggling to juggle childcare shd your own career.

I think you need to get a grip and onto that plane.

As dull and pointless as these things often are, sometimes you do need to suck them up.

It's only a few days.

Childcare as an excuse ... Well, it's one of the very small perks of motherhood isn't it? I'd be surprised if no one here has used their child as an excuse at least once for something, even if it's leaving a dinner early or not being able to make something because DC are 'sick'.

People like you are the reason people without kids or who don't claim fake child reasons have to work more to cover you, at no extra pay. The work doesn't just disappear because you're not there.

If you really consider lying to people because you cba as one of the few perks of motherhood, why did you even have kids? You seem to dislike both being a parent and having a job.

To be honest, from the language you've used @OP you don't sound at all interested in your employer and would find a reason not to go even if it was in your own office. Sounds like you may be better suited to a different job in a different company.

Go or don't, but don't undermine other parents who continue to work hard to support their careers and their families.

You have to see and be seen, usually on demand. If you're not bothered about potential future engagement and promotion then don't, but I think this once you should go.

I'd change your agenda though so you don't have to go to everything (my own boss picks and chooses and is quite calculated about who he spends his time with).

In fact I’m going to add that I’d bet your “too cool for this shit” attitude shows up in all sorts of ways at work and I’m not surprised your boss is being off with you.

At last some common sense. It's not a one day event where OP can go and get home on the same day. They are going to be away from home for 3 nights. Will OP be getting a travel allowance to compensate them? Not bloody likely. As for asking if OP's DH can take time off? Screw that.

Some of the absolute corporate bootlickers on this thread astound me.

I think you should have found another reason, but support you not going to such things. Flying for some jolly (as it seems) adding to carbon emissions, costs no doubt passed on to customers in a way.

Manager still reasonable to be unhappy, as long as it is not a sulk for years.

It's very interesting to read the replies.

If the meeting was directly related to what I was actually doing, then yes, I'd happily go. And I went to a relevant meeting last month and was very beneficial.

I don't know how many of you have been in the corporate world, but the job you have is based on whether it generates revenue. Whether you like the job or someone else deserves it more than you is neither here nor there.

Whether you are engaged at work/team player/go the extra mile etc etc is all code for "doing more than you are paid for". Perhaps I'm cynical but I can tell you stories!!!

I'm sure we have all seen enthusiastic, committed people, get made redundant. So if it were to happen to me, at least I won't feel like I've wasted much of my own time.

I will take on board people's comments about the childcare excuse. I just found it difficult to think of an actual reason to not go, other than I don't need to.

Well, you don't seem to realise what an awful employee you have made yourself sound in your original post, so I would imagine you don't realise how you come across in the workplace in a daily basis.

Uninterested, disparaging, no self awareness, a liar, no sense of team working or the value of the business...not exactly employee of the month are you?

You do what ever you want, but your attitude will have been noticed and you will have a huge redundancy target on your back.