To lie and not travel to a work meeting?

[mamabeeboo]

At the company for just over 2 years and dates/location have been announced for the annual work meeting. It's a lot of meetings, presentations, the CEO will be there (woop-de-dah!). It's somewhat relevant to my role, but wouldn't make a difference if I went/didn't go. I know this because when it was on last year, due to budget restraints, some people were not invited (like my team) and this didn't impact anything at all, targets were met and all went well.

I am invited this year and I don't want to go. I don't want the hassle of waking early to take a plane for work, participate in the fake niceties, spend all day trying not to dose off during presentations, have crappy buffet sandwiches daily, then networking dinners, enough to be exhausted to collapse into your hotel room ready to do it all again tomorrow, it's a 3 day long conference but 4 days total including travel time.

Work are arranging the travel that I am there just for the meetings and not a second to spare to see the city or do anything I want to do.

Manager has said it's a great opportunity to meet the wider team (yawn) and the CEO (yippee) and learn more about our products.

No it's not compulsory but "It would be nice" if I could attend.

It's also clearly not an important part of my job, because if it was, I'd have been invited last year.

I have blamed childcare and no one to look after DC. Which is a lie because DH can do it. Manager has expressed disappointment and has been a little off with me (or maybe it's just me overthinking) and has asked maybe DH can take time off work, maybe grandparents can help? I've said no and no.

AIBU?

@mamabeeboo does it not occur to you that by meeting people and attending the conference you might end up being able to do your existing job better (or perhaps even enjoy it more)?

Progression isn’t necessarily all about promotion.

Also, surely your argument that the corporate world can dump you at any time makes it more important to play the game, not less?

As others have said, I think that the reason you were not invited last year was not because the role you do will gain no benefit, but because someone wrongly thought this and took a budget decision. That has been corrected this year, no doubt by your manager advocating for her team’s inclusion, and you are now basically making her look stupid for having done so. Perhaps it is her own fault for not discussing with you first though.

Tbh in the current climate I would go. So many more roles are in danger due to AI right now and I get the feeling that companies will be keeping the people they 'like' and who make the effort to network/know the wider business and prove themselves adaptable to a change of scope in the future if the job you're doing currently can be automated and streamlined.
You want to be in the position where people know your name, personality and want YOU, not just the work you do - especially with so many redundancies doing the rounds. And company trips/summits/off-sites are IMO one of the best ways to forge these relationships.

@HotCrossBunplease @LittleRedRidingHoody

Thank you for your posts - this has given me some food for thought.

That’s nice of you to say so 😀.

Your choice. Just don't be surprised if your manager is pretty lukewarm about your progress in future and not over supportive if you genuinely need time off later for childcare reasons.

I think wriggling out of the shit stuff and doing so by using being a parent as an excuse is a) unfair on your colleagues without children as you’re suggesting they have to just suck it up as childless people and b) equally unfair on your colleagues who do have children because you are yet again highlighting an issue of women with kids being flakey / uncommitted / unable to do the workload of everyone else. Most of us are fighting this perception. Lots of women battle to get jobs precisely because employers see so many people trot out ‘childcare issues’ as a cover for lateness and made-up absences.

So, YANBU to not want to go to this crappy event but YABU to fake a serious reason. Tell the truth - it’s not a productive use of your time.

Next time you need to be prepared.

Keep an eye on organisers calendar so you can book annual leave for that time in advance.

Act super excited about it then get covid last minute.

Act super excited then childcare falls through last minute.

Then eventually you only have to go to about one in four of these godawful events.

I guess it depends on your age and where you are in your career, are you looking to progress or do you just see work as a means to an end?

personally speaking, I’m 57 and there’s no way on earth I’d go - I’ve had a lifetime of corporate bullshit and I’ve seen how badly virtually all employers ultimately treat their employees. I work hard as I take pride in a job well done, but I feel no loyalty to my employer as I know I’m replaceable as everyone is.

Adding to the above notes of caution, next time your manager may choose to ‘bring’ someone who shows enthusiasm for the opportunity. By opting out, you may be excluding yourself from future invitations because the assumption will be Mamabeeboo ‘can’t travel because of the kids.’

I've used childcare as an excuse not to take a work trip at short notice. My wife couldn't take time off her work at short notice, and we had no childcare option, so I couldn't just swan off for 3 days.

I think it's completely fair to cite childcare (which after all is the responsibility of both parents, and can be a big challenge) to get out of a work trip.

Let someone who gives a shit take your place.

This. And to blame childcare too.

But you actually DID have no childcare. That is completely different! It was a reason, not an excuse.

These things are cringe as fuck but it depends if you are happy for the boss to think you are disengaged. I'd go but personally shave off as much of the trip as I could - e.g. arrive at 9am the first day rather than staying over the night before, leave at the end of business rather than staying til the bitter end etc.

Don't come on here whining when you don't get a payrise or promotion.

You're also screwing over other working mothers, so that's not great. Maybe they'll think twice about hiring another woman with kids your age, since they blame their kids for not going to workplace events

The invites aren't based on who gives a shit.

And then people complain that working parents (mothers mainly) get treated differently....🤔

I've done the exact same thing this year. I've gone every year for the past 8 years, but this time couldn't be arsed...

I - conveniently - had a conflict with my husband work and my manager knows his work is less flexible. The reality is that he could have rearranged his work commitment too but they don't know that!

But tbh, I wouldn't have used the childcare card without that additional conflict though. It wouldn't fly at my company, as this is a once a year event for 2-3 days and we get months notice for it so they expect parents to make arrangements for it unless absolutely impossible (e.g. single parent, BF etc).

@mamabeeboo - I understand that. You are obviously not committed and giving working women a bad reputation.

But you obviously don’t, so it’s better you stay at home and let someone more ambitious go.

Real contacts are important now that AI is taking over many aspects jobs, but let the people who understand this keep their jobs in the future.

YABU. Someone probably fought for your place, the company obviously feels it’s important, plus if everyone did this companies would be miserable and no one would ever organise an away day ever. If you don’t enjoy the job find something else to do.

You sound completely jaded by the place you work but it’s paying for your home/ child/ food- you sound incredibly entitled. Plus using childcare as an excuse is really low- it gives other mums an even harder job to be taken seriously.

Just don’t come back bleating when you’re made redundant over colleagues who have shown a bit of commitment and enthusiasm.

You don't sound like a team player, not an interested employee.
Better with a wfh or sole business?

This is mumsnet, career minded, 6 figure salaries, fully devoted to work/home/hobbies.

Perish the thought of prioritising family over work.

I hate it when women blame childcare and it's not true.

Why not just set us all back even further and blame your hormones?

You whole post sounds sarky and petulant, like it was written by a teenager who doesn't want to go to school.

Occasional things like this are a routine job requirement, and even in a company with poor prospects for progression etc it could well disadvantage you if your manager’s perception is negatively affected by your decision, eg work assignments, training opportunities, performance appraisals, re-organisations, redundancies.