To refuse to work full time even though DH wants me to?

[Arabella3]

I think I’m 100% in the right here so asking for validation 😂

DH and I had a baby DD last year and I’ve reduced my hours to do a four day week. DD is in nursery for those days. No family nearby.

It’s emerged that DH is expecting me to go back to five days a week in a year or so. I have no intention of doing this until DD, and hopefully a little sibling, are at school.

Even with my pay cut I pay 60% of the household bills. We have SC who are with us most weekends and all holidays, so my Wednesday off is the only routine time I get with DD. We can’t afford to save much or do fancy holidays after my pay cut but I don’t care, I’d rather have the time with DD.

AIBU?

I do not, and it would be interesting for the op to post the other way round and then perhaps take a balance of the responses as sensible advice.

Everyone would say "this is a reverse" because men don't do what the OP is doing. Ever. They do a combination of a few of the bits. Not all.

Aibu.

My husband pays 60% of the bills, and to be fair to him does the majority of the housework and daily life admin. But he only works 4 days a week which means we cannot extend our kitchen, upgrade our ok car or go on the same style of holidays we used to before we had a child together, I also have three children myself but they stay majority with my ex so I have them on weekend only and pay maintenance so he covers most/all of the holiday costs as well. He took that one day a week off to look after our shared child and enjoy the time together before they become school aged.

I think he should go to work the extra day aibu?

Yabu…

edited.

You forgot "and he took the one day off specifically to dedicate to our shared child so they have a day together every week"

Anyway I don’t want to derail and take over, so I’ll shut up now. Op has had a lot of decent advice and a few outliers saying her husband might not be a total arse.

happy to talk about men on mumsnet, why I’m here and all that, just not on this thread, it’s a complete derail and no-one’s that interested

Just edited it. 😅

Everyone's entitled to their opinion and mine is that you're wrong.

@Arabella3 does DH pay half of nursery? I think while I understand you paying 60% of standard bills due to earning more before having kids, he’s getting a whole heap of savings with you at home
and so on. It also sounds like he has loads of anxiety from ‘scrimping’ during the first marriage. Echoes of the first wife coming up in conversations with you when your situation is totally different. I think counselling would help him with that and you do need to talk it through to help him see he’s on a good thing here. And if you want 2 days with dd and can make it work - take it. Life is short and that time is once-only.

I don't think I would be having another child with this man. As a couple, you already have 4 children - you may not be stony broke, but things are still tight.
It's unreasonable to move the goalposts at this stage, and work fewer hours, let alone plan for a 5th child.
Sometimes, we can't have everything we want, OP!

Aka none of these women listen to me whilst systematically ignoring all of the women giving accurate descriptions of the scenario

aaaannnddd… tumbleweed

It's a site for women. If you prefer to read content supportive of men, you have the rest of the internet.

Could say the same to the husband.

The extension is just a bigger kitchen not a bedroom. The current car works. They can still have holidays just not 5k plus ones.

“Happy to talk about men”

even if no one asks you to or indeed wants you to?

Are you really a team 95% of the time? You sound really detached and... self-contained. Like it's you and your daughter and him and the stepchildren as optional extras. Maybe it's just your writing style but do you really feel like part of a team and a family?

If you’re that interested start a thread and I’m happy to talk. I don’t want to derail the op’s thread

I’m waiting with bated breath!

You literally asked

It sounds to me as if you just need to sit down and calmly go through things - preferably when your DC is asleep and without the SC there.

Just point out how much you'd bring in net pcm working the extra day and what you and he would lose because of it. Realistically, doing 0.8 are you likely to get promotion? If so, I'd factor that in. Do calculations for a second child - and a return to work when that child is ?3 (so 4 years time). If he were to retrain, when would you recoup his training period?

It sounds as if were you to appeal to his logic he might very well agree with you.

You do a lot more talking about men tha you do listening to women.

No I'm sorry but she works 1 day less and does pretty much everything, including stuff for the step children. Not remotely equal in my eyes and it doesn't matter if the sexes are reversed here.

I asked for your story

not your view

but I’m still hanging on for you starting a thread (it won’t happen)

Perhaps op could confirm whether she does 90% of all the housework like some posters have assumed, or when she said “the majority” she meant more than half and in keeping with having one extra day not working

Who said he did?

To be clear @Billydavey i absolutely did not ask for your view on this or anything

my question was why are you on mumsnet?