To refuse to work full time even though DH wants me to?

[Arabella3]

I think I’m 100% in the right here so asking for validation 😂

DH and I had a baby DD last year and I’ve reduced my hours to do a four day week. DD is in nursery for those days. No family nearby.

It’s emerged that DH is expecting me to go back to five days a week in a year or so. I have no intention of doing this until DD, and hopefully a little sibling, are at school.

Even with my pay cut I pay 60% of the household bills. We have SC who are with us most weekends and all holidays, so my Wednesday off is the only routine time I get with DD. We can’t afford to save much or do fancy holidays after my pay cut but I don’t care, I’d rather have the time with DD.

AIBU?

Yup

and I bet there’s a very substantial age gap

No there are 2 things going on here

higher earner pays more, always fine on mumsnet

part time worker does more at home. Again always/usually fine on mumsnet.

it may be unusual to have both of those in one person, and it may be the balance of housework isn’t right, but why would the above stop being true. Generally

@Billydavey - why do you keep pretending that men pull their weight in the home? Surely, surely everyone knows this isn't the case for the vast majority?

She pays 60% of all bills and other outgoings so she is sharing her money with her DH. He has more children to support and is paying less into the pot so he and his children are being subsidised by OP.

@Billydavey is a man and prolific on mumsnet spouting his view from a man’s perspective (not that anyone ever asks him to)

and I bet there’s a very substantial age gap

I would bet a tenner on this. Clue being the ops complete obliviousness to how selfish he is.

Where did she say 90%?

she said the majority, so more than half. I’d expect that with a day off. 90% wouldn’t be fair but she didn’t say that, someone made that up

Depends, would he be conveniently leaving out that the other spouse is doing more than their share of the household stuff and paid for expensive holidays for him and his DC pre kids?

No one gets asked for their opinion on here, we’re all welcome to share it though

But your still missing the part when the other person in the relationship is then demanding that the higher earner and the one doing 90% of the house while working pastime should work even more and continue the all the tasks just so he can have a 5k holiday, bigger kitchen and newer car.

His not saying babe work 5 days and I’ll take over 50% of the chores. His saying more more more. Like a greedy child.

So, as the higher earner, OP is paying more and as the part-time worker she is doing more childcare and housework, but, according to you, she is still in the wrong?

Do you think she should be working full time, putting even more into the pot and still doing more childcare and housework? Just because she is a woman?

But she's not keeping her income to herself. She covers 60% of the costs of their household, which are already inflated to cover two unrelated (to her) children who stay with their father (who contributes a lower amount).

The op did not say 90%, someone else did

Ok but still the majority of expenses she pays, she does the majority of the house work and life admin.

Point still stands. His stood there grabby child demanding more yet willing to do sod all extra himself

No I think either she stays part time and does more than him, or goes full time and he does half. That’s fair.

@Billydavey why are you on mumsnet?

genuine question. All you do is get irritated by how men are viewed on mumsnet.

theres something a little…. Sinister off about your dedication to educating us women folk on the male perspective

She works 20% less than him. She doesn't "just" do 20% more of the stuff round the house. She does the majority. It's not balanced.

Really. Earning less and expecting your partner to pay more is grabby.

working more and expecting your partner to do more at home is demanding?

You’re not going to answer are you @Billydavey

I think best just ignored

An angry angry man if your past posts indicate

It doesn’t feel like a genuine question. If it is I’m happy to engage on my 15 years here, my disabled children and what I’ve got out of, and contributed here.

Knock yourself out

I’m all ears

How do you know? She’s not said the balance, someone else decided it was 90%, not the op

Because every single time I come across you it’s you criticising mumsnet for our view / experience of men of it’s not positive

It’s the combination.

She works 4 out of 5 days.
she pays 60% of the bills.
she does the majority of house work and admin.

He works one day more than her. Want the luxury life rather than comfortable they have while willing to do nothing about it himself. Yes grabby.

He would basically rather a 5k holiday over a 2k one and wants op to fund it entirely rather than the 2k and op gets one week day extra with their joint child. Grabby demanding man who cnba to support his entire brood.

It would be different if the lower paid parent was being left with pennies, but that's not the case here - they already have an income and lifestyle that would be envied by most.

If the sexes were the other way round in this case, I think the responses would be the same.