To not share my inheritance with sibling?

[MoneyFromMyGodmother]

A few years ago, my godmother died and left me some money. Not a huge amount, less than she left her own children but a bit there was also a smaller amount left to my DC (I only have 1) whom GM met multiple times – one of GMs DC is Godparent to my DC. For context until her death I saw GM 2-3 times (both here and where GM lived about 200 miles from me) a year, we video called monthly, and when DC was born GM came to visit us and stayed in a hotel nearby, cooking for us and made DC a toy that they still treasure now.

I have a sibling, who has different godparents to me. To my knowledge sibling has had no contact with their godparents ever. I know at least one of their godparents has also died but they were left nothing.

To me this isn’t my problem, I didn’t expect inheritance from my GM, it was a nice surprise when their DC contacted me and said “Mum left some money for you and (DCs name), can I have the bank details to pay it into?”

My mum, especially, but both parents think it’s unfair and I should split my money between me and sibling and share DCs money with DNs. It would give me half and DC a quarter of what was left to them.

I want to keep it all, but if I do share it, it’ll be mine I share and not DCs (I’ve moved theirs into a 30 day notice access ISA in their name anyway so can’t easily get at it) so I’ll be left with less than 5th of what was left to me.

Like I said it’s not a huge amount, enough for a once in a lifetime holiday, or to clear my debts but not enough to be life changing. Dc received less than me and I will be topping it up before they turn 18 to make it a bit more (once debts are cleared) but it’s still not a huge amount.

If it makes a difference I'm a lone parent (ExH not allowed contact), sibling is married to the other parent of their DC.

AIBU to not share mine and DCs money?

Why on earth would you share?

Respect your godmother's last wishes.

And how did all of these other people find out about the bequest??

I think better to pay off the debts, it sounds a lot better than "I wanted a holiday".
Your child's cash should not be touched, it would illegal to do so.

Debts are a credit card but I keep transferring the balance to a 0% card when the offer runs out so I'm not actually paying too much interest, I am making more than minimum payments each month and have stopped using the card itself apart from for absolute emergencies.

I am not actually financially too badly off, but I worked my backside off for that alongside raising DC alone and both DC and I having medical issues as a result of ExH. My parents don't know about the medical stuff though as they'd sneer and say I'm making it up to get sympathy.

Sibling and I get on ok, but I don't get on with their spouse at all, so the idea of sharing their income would hit like a lead balloon. I do like my DNs and try and let DC spend time with them but they're very different personality wise to DC so it can be hard, I do make sure DC invites them to their birthday party each year though, just because they're the only cousins DC has an actual relationship with.

No it was a gift to you and it’s yours

@MoneyFromMyGodmother I was in this situation, I gave my siblings a small amount each. It’s unlikely they will inherit from any of their godparents as theirs all have DC and DGC whereas my godmother left her estate split between her numerous godchildren. My siblings did not ask, nor did my parents demand, I just decided to. I gave them about 8% of the total shared between them all.

Its entirely your choice but your inheritance is owed to no one.

This sounds very similar to my MIL and her DB.
They have barely spoken in 15 years over one getting GM inheritance and not sharing. And the other getting nothing. It is one of the reasons I refused to be God parent to my cousins child.

I'm not saying share all of it but something would be a nice gesture.

You cannot give away your child’s inheritance. It isn’t yours to give.

You should not feel pressured to give yours away either.

Do you have godchildren? If so, just say you will be doing the same for your godchildren in your own will eventually, assuming you live to a ripe old age and your own child snd godchildren have all grown up. It’s not family money.

I suspect your godmother left you something because she was aware of your family dynamic and your parents favouring your sibling.
Your godmother wanted you to have something from her. Honour her wishes and the rest of your family can go whistle.

My parents don't know about the medical stuff though as they'd sneer and say I'm making it up to get sympathy.

For this alone I would be saying no and minimising your contact with them. They sound grabby and awful.

Your priority is your DC not your sibling and their family. I won’t inherit anything and I still wouldn’t grudge my sibling if they came into some money like you have. If anything I would be telling them to take that holiday

Yes I have a godchild, my best friends oldest child. I do spend on the other 2 DC for birthdays and christmas, but I spend more on my GC and also send a present on their christaning date every year.

@MoneyFromMyGodmother it is of course up to you what you do but honestly, they are bang out of order having the nerve to look. Was your GM your sibling’s GM? No. So they can quit with this awful behaviour. I’d just shut it down and pay off your debts. If you then book the holiday hopefully you can just pay the deposit now and then put whatever the debts were costing towards it each month.

Honestly OP, please enjoy this unexpected windfall - life is short. The GM obviously thought a lot of you, taking time to include them and talk to them.You already said your sibling didn’t do any of that with theirs - you get what you put into a relationship, this is on them 🤨

My DSis got left a sizeable amount from her Godmother (our aunt), 10 times or more then my DB or I got from her and I never questioned it. The was my aunts choice and I totally respect that. I don't think you should have to share it or even feel like to you have to.
You had a relationship with your GM that she obviously cherished

You sound like a truly lovely person. Your relationships with you godmother, her children and your own godchild sound really meaningful. And that’s what I think you need to keep in mind.

In your shoes, I’d pay off half your debts and do a nice but not too flashy holiday with your own child using the rest. Tell your parents the money is gone as, being a single Mum, life is expensive and you have done as your godmother wishes with it.

Absolutely no need for you to share this money. No more than if you had a pay rise, or sold your house and made some money. This was a relationship you had independent of your sibling. It’s not like a joint aunt or grandparent. If your parent feels it is unfair that the godparents they chose for your sibling turned out to not be as generous as yours, then that is their problem not yours! If they feel that your sibling deserves some money, they can be the ones to give it to them!

Many years ago I quit my job to be a carer for some elderly and disabled relatives. They didn’t pay me. The understanding was that they would compensate me some in their wills if there was anything. I was fine with this. I understood that I wouldn’t get paid fully for my time and work, but that wasn’t why I was doing it anyway. I was their carer for years. When one of them passed, he left my parent, who helped with his care to give me time off, and myself significantly more than he left the other relatives in our generations.

My sister had lived in the house with these relatives for several months to save some money. She didn’t pay for anything and was supposed to also help with their care by cooking the evening meal and cleaning. She ended up cooking only 1-2 meals per week and only ever did her own laundry. I had to go to their house on the nights she cooked to clean the kitchen and dishes and I even had to clean her room while she was at work because it smelled so bad from her dog who wasn’t house trained.

My parent suggested that she and I top up my sister’s inheritance, giving the three of us an equal amount, so she didn’t feel bad. We didn’t tell my sister we did this because we didn’t want her to feel slighted by my relative. After a lot of pressure, I agreed. While this wasn’t life changing money, I regret sharing it and wouldn’t do it again. Currently, I have very little relationship with my parent and my sister is cut off completely. The favoritism towards my sister and her volatility are just the tip of the toxicity in my family of origin.

@MoneyFromMyGodmother · Today 18:13
"Debts are a credit card but I keep transferring the balance to a 0% card when the offer runs out so I'm not actually paying too much interest, I am making more than minimum payments each month and have stopped using the card itself apart from for absolute emergencies."
That's great to hear OP, but I'd still pay off as much as possible that also leaves you with enough money to take the holiday too (you just never know what the future holds and being debt-free is always preferable).
Anyway, the 98% YANBU vote already tells you where MN sits on this debate. 😃

There's no reason to share it! They are being unreasonable to want any of it.

It your godmother, if your parent don’t like it then they are free to match the amount and give the same themselves to your sibling.

It’s not your problem that you maintained a warm relationship with your godmother and your sibling didn’t.

Looks like she’s realising chickens come home to roost.

It was your GM's wish for you and your DC to enjoy and benefit from her money - if she wanted to leave something to your sibling she could have done but she didn't. It's wholly inappropriate for your mother to even suggest you share it. I would respond to your mother and say that you are respecting your GM's wishes and politely say that will be the end of the conversation. & whatever you decide to do don't forget to raise a glass to your GM as she sounds lovely and I'm sorry for your loss x

I wouldn’t. If say your sibling was to receive an inheritance from a god parent, would they share with you? Probably not.

If your Godmother had wanted your sibling and her children to have some of her money, she'd have left them some.

She didn't not do so to hbe selfish or unkind and it wasn't done intentionally to cause a rift (circumstances when I would advocate sharing).

And I absolutely wouldn't be sharing your child's inheritance so that they ended up with only a 1/4! That's an outrageous expectation.

Clear your debts, have a holiday and raise that glass to your GM as you do so.

If it was a choice between falling out with my sister and not sharing the money I would share in a heartbeat