To not share my inheritance with sibling?

[MoneyFromMyGodmother]

A few years ago, my godmother died and left me some money. Not a huge amount, less than she left her own children but a bit there was also a smaller amount left to my DC (I only have 1) whom GM met multiple times – one of GMs DC is Godparent to my DC. For context until her death I saw GM 2-3 times (both here and where GM lived about 200 miles from me) a year, we video called monthly, and when DC was born GM came to visit us and stayed in a hotel nearby, cooking for us and made DC a toy that they still treasure now.

I have a sibling, who has different godparents to me. To my knowledge sibling has had no contact with their godparents ever. I know at least one of their godparents has also died but they were left nothing.

To me this isn’t my problem, I didn’t expect inheritance from my GM, it was a nice surprise when their DC contacted me and said “Mum left some money for you and (DCs name), can I have the bank details to pay it into?”

My mum, especially, but both parents think it’s unfair and I should split my money between me and sibling and share DCs money with DNs. It would give me half and DC a quarter of what was left to them.

I want to keep it all, but if I do share it, it’ll be mine I share and not DCs (I’ve moved theirs into a 30 day notice access ISA in their name anyway so can’t easily get at it) so I’ll be left with less than 5th of what was left to me.

Like I said it’s not a huge amount, enough for a once in a lifetime holiday, or to clear my debts but not enough to be life changing. Dc received less than me and I will be topping it up before they turn 18 to make it a bit more (once debts are cleared) but it’s still not a huge amount.

If it makes a difference I'm a lone parent (ExH not allowed contact), sibling is married to the other parent of their DC.

AIBU to not share mine and DCs money?

The DC said that GM wouldn't mind what I spent it on as she just wanted me to know that I was an important part of her life.

Yes - YOU were an important part of her life, not your sibling. Pay off your debts and have a lovely holiday with the money and tell your disgusting family it's already spent.

And as PP have already said, you cannot legally share the money that was left to your child.

@Mirabai · Today 16:01
I’ve just inherited some money from my GM, no-one in my family thought that money was for anyone but me.

@BellaVita · Today 16:06
I inherited some money and jewellery from my GM about 8 years ago now. I did not share it with anyone and like no one in my family thought the money was for anyone else (I do have a DB but he has different godparents).

@MoneyFromMyGodmother Exactly this 👆OP. My DH has four God-children (I call him the Godfather! 😂) and they have four siblings between them. Our Wills leave money to all four God-children (we have relationships with all of them). Are we seriously expected to leave money to their siblings who we don't see or hear from, from one year to the next? Of course not.
Seriously OP, your DPs need to give their heads a wobble - it might help sort out their skewed logic about the meaning of "fair". 🙄

The money is not for your sibling. If your Godmother had wanted them to have something she would have left them money in her will, she didn't because they are nothing to do with her.

Yanbu, especially as your financial situation sounds more precarious than your sibling’s and we’re not talking huge amounts.
Your parents have no place getting involved - the money was left to you and your child to do with as you wish.

OP, if you have debts, you currently don’t have a penny to your name either - you have negative pennies :-)

You are in no better a financial position than your parents to give away money, in that sense.

(Just thought this framing might help!)

Yes this. Pay off the debt, sorry money grabbing family but it's all gone, then save for the holiday.

My mum says it's not fair because my sibling won't even inherit anything as parents have literally nothing to their name - they rent, don't drive, have no money or pensions etc.

So your mother feels guilty and thinks you should make up the shortfall to your own detriment.

Tell them all to feck off pay your debts and go on your holiday with your child.

Why should you share?

I had an uncle who used to give my brother a bank note as he was leaving from his infrequent visits, telling him to split it 60-40 with me. He was both our uncles, but apparently I mattered less. He was a right old cunt. I'd rather he'd given us nothing than the constant reminder of being thought of as second best.

Your situation is completely different. Keep the money. Your godmother was not your sibling's godmother. There was no significant relationship with your sibling. Your parents have very strange views and it's none of their business.

It’s your money, and your GM wanted YOU to have it not your sister they had nothing to do with. You’re honouring her wishes and it’s not your problem your parents haven’t anything to pass on as inheritance. You shouldn’t be covering their failings and frankly your mum sounds awful that’s she’s gone digging for all this info anyway.

Definitely not unreasonable. If it were a HUGE sum of money then I'd suggest giving them a bit to be nice, but not because you're morally obliged to. But it's not. You're the one who had the relationship with your godparent and it's not like siblings can be guaranteed equal inheritance (if any) - e.g. my sister and I both have husbands, hers will inherit a fortune from family and we inherited a little bit, I don't expect her to even it out.

how would you feel if you specifically gave instructions for money to go to someone and then they shared it. I would be very upset! If I had intended to be shared - I would have shared it!

it is not your right to share the gift with someone else. It was left to you for a reason and it is very disrespectful for other people to demands you share it.

@MounjaroOnMyMind has a very valid point when they posted this:
One reason that it's relevant that you're single is that they think you're an easy target. I daresay your sister's husband would have something to say if half an inheritance was snatched away from her.

If your mother keeps at you about this, you turn the tables on her and say:
"I wonder what DSis's husband would say if she was the one who came into some money and you were suggesting to her that she share it with me? That would go down like a tonne of bricks now wouldn't it? It's time that you drop this as I'm not sharing with her, I was never going to be sharing with her and I've already spent it so leave it be. It's also not my job to fix the issues that you are now discovering because you have no assets to leave DSis and I which is a very unattractive trait in you. I don't care that you have no assets but it's not my job to fix that for DSis and you should know that and not be hassling me about this."

You can't touch your DD's money anyway, that's her inheritance so that's off the table.

With your share, I'd tell your family that you'll share it with your sister if her husband also shares his salary with you. After all, she's got a two income household and you're a single parent. Sharing works both ways after all.

That is how batshit your mum crying "it's not fair" is.

I'd make it clear that your brother did nothing to 'earn' a share of the money. He didn't face time your godmother every month. He didn't visit her three times a year. He had no relationship with her. So why should he get half of your money, and his kids 3/4 of your DC's money? (the latter you can't give them anyway, as that would break the terms of the will).

I always think that the deceased's wishes re will should always be respected. Stick to your guns here as hard as it's going to be and look after your own interests. Your mum is behaving appallingly.

So she deliberately went snooping when she heard there might be money, what a nosey grabby cow.
You and your children were left it, you had the relationship with this lady not your brother or his children.
I’d pay off your debts now with your inheritance. If they ask again tell them there is no money. The money left to your child you cannot spend/spit anyway as it is not your money.
Is there a back story with your parents/brother ?

Nope. It was left to you. Shut this down immediately and explain that you won’t be sharing it.

As a single parent with debt I would protect your family unit with this safety net. Your mom should stay out of it. Your gm sounds wonderful.

I wouldn’t. I think it’d actually be illegal to give away your child’s inheritance. You should look after the money for their benefit not give it away.

It sounds like it's your dm rather than your sibling who thinks you should share it.

I'd say you have a choice:

1. Say No. Don't discuss any further
2. Tell them that your GM told you that if she left any money to you it was to be spent on X <debts would be a good thing>
3. Treat your sibling to something like a meal out if she would be receptive to that and say to her that #2 was the case and you had enough money to just treat her to this meal left over.
4. Pay off your debts and tell them that you didn't want the money to come between you so you donated it to charity.
5. Blast it all on something you know they'd love and rub it in their face.*

*that last one was a joke. I don't suggest you do that really, even if it would be satisfying.

I wouldn't share it. You had a relationship with your Godmother and this was her gift to you. Your sister did not have a relationship with her and should not expect anything.
I would pay your debts off and just say "Sorry it's all gone", you could then save for any holiday or whatever you want and no-one else can resent that

How odd. Your parents chose to give you and your sibling different godparents. And now they’re complaining that one of you has gained something the other did not?

Bonkers.

And that’s the beauty of being a godparent- unlike an actual parent, you are not remotely required to take an interest in your godchild’s siblings.

I know you'd love a holiday, OP, but I would pay off my debts first. I think your godmother would want you to be financially secure with her hard earned money rather than blow it on a holiday. If you pay off your debts and save, you could have a lovely holiday next year.

I agree that you just say Sorry it is spent. Your Godmother was obviously fond of you and your child so use it if you can for a special holiday.