To not share my inheritance with sibling?

[MoneyFromMyGodmother]

A few years ago, my godmother died and left me some money. Not a huge amount, less than she left her own children but a bit there was also a smaller amount left to my DC (I only have 1) whom GM met multiple times – one of GMs DC is Godparent to my DC. For context until her death I saw GM 2-3 times (both here and where GM lived about 200 miles from me) a year, we video called monthly, and when DC was born GM came to visit us and stayed in a hotel nearby, cooking for us and made DC a toy that they still treasure now.

I have a sibling, who has different godparents to me. To my knowledge sibling has had no contact with their godparents ever. I know at least one of their godparents has also died but they were left nothing.

To me this isn’t my problem, I didn’t expect inheritance from my GM, it was a nice surprise when their DC contacted me and said “Mum left some money for you and (DCs name), can I have the bank details to pay it into?”

My mum, especially, but both parents think it’s unfair and I should split my money between me and sibling and share DCs money with DNs. It would give me half and DC a quarter of what was left to them.

I want to keep it all, but if I do share it, it’ll be mine I share and not DCs (I’ve moved theirs into a 30 day notice access ISA in their name anyway so can’t easily get at it) so I’ll be left with less than 5th of what was left to me.

Like I said it’s not a huge amount, enough for a once in a lifetime holiday, or to clear my debts but not enough to be life changing. Dc received less than me and I will be topping it up before they turn 18 to make it a bit more (once debts are cleared) but it’s still not a huge amount.

If it makes a difference I'm a lone parent (ExH not allowed contact), sibling is married to the other parent of their DC.

AIBU to not share mine and DCs money?

I don't think I'd want a relationship with someone who'd fall out with me over this.

I can't imagine my brother asking similar of me and I wouldn't of him either.

If they ask again I would be inclined to say that you cant share it as it has already been spent on paying off your debt. They cant prove you havent.

Do you think that your mother would be pushing your sister to do this for you if the roles were reversed?

Personally I would agree with paying off the debt first, as you never can tell whats around the corner, and saving the amount you were paying towards it for the holiday. In your high interest account it will be worth a bit more in the long run.

You are a single mother with debt, do not under any circumstances give your sister any money, especially since she is married and presumably better off than you.

Personally I’d advise you to pay off your debt and save for the holiday. If you put whatever your debt repayments would have been into a savings account you won’t miss the money and it will soon mount up.

“I treasured the relationship GM had and I decided to respect her wishes about this money.”

Then do not discuss or listen to another word about it - if they start up about it again interrupt with “you’ve made your wants clear but my decision is made and I won’t discuss this further.” From there calmly tell them you’ll leave/hang up if they continue… and follow through.

You haven’t mentioned if your parents told your sister about the money. If they have or do I would label that behavior what is is… deliberately causing bad feelings between you and your sister is manipulative and harmful.

Absolutely not. Your GM left it to you. If she wanted DB to have money she would have provided for him. She wanted you to have it.

Personally, I'd book the holiday. Make memories with DC. Life is short.

" Oh sorry mum. I've already paid off my debts with my share so it's already gone and, as I'm sure you know, legally I can't give away any of DCs as it's in trust until she's 18. I'll tell her when she hits 18 though if she wants to share it with her cousins. "

If you shared it out the way sibling wants you to then they would receive more than you. No chance

YANBU. This isn’t a lottery win out of nowhere, this was specifically left to you by your GM who you had a proper relationship with. If she wanted to include your siblings in her will then she would have done.

Good advice.

Once the money is dispersed, no one can badger you for it.

I see no earthly reason why you should share it. I think they are quite wrong to ask you.

Your money, your choice.
Regarding DC inheritance, not your money, not your choice.

I would just say you’d feel bad going against GM wishes. If she wanted to split it shr would have:

"[...]as I'm sure you know, legally I can't give away any of DCs as it's in trust until she's 18. I'll tell her when she hits 18 though if she wants to share it with her cousins. "

Ooooh no please don't do this. Don't do anything that will encourage your mum to shift her pressure over to DD at any point or frame this as an unresolved issue. Your mum might let it go and forget, but she also might start "planting seeds" and biding her time.

Nothing stopping your sibling inheriting from anyone they have a close relationship with.
Would they also need to share

Its a weird idea. Your GM, her choice ..your inheritance.
Your sibling has their own Godparent.

Don’t share the money. It’s nothing to do with anyone else! Your sibling has no more claim on this money than on your salary.

I would also advise you to take the holiday- you don’t know what the future holds, and life Is very short.

I'd be pretty annoyed if my godson's parents pressured him to give his inheritance away! Not that they would, they're good friends and good parents. I'm leaving him a few thousand to do something nice with and maybe raise a glass to me during or afterwards, because he's my godson. His sisters (whom I love dearly) aren't my goddaughters, so won't be inheriting anything. That's the normal thing to do, your parents are bonkers.

Agree with this. It’s basically you having a relationship with someone , like a friendship. Would your parents expect you to give money to your sibling and nieces if your best friend left you some ? Your sibling and nieces had no relationship with your Godmother , and if she had wanted to give your s8bling money in her will she would have. This money is for you, and your daughter.

Your gm would likely be devastated to think the money she worked so hard for was given to a stranger!!
no, do not share this at all. A last will and testament is someone’s dying wish , do not betray that. Keep the money you were lovingly left.

What on earth? No! Your mum and sister are not nice people.

But how would you feel if you were the GM and you left it to someone special (when you could have left that extra bit to your own DC) and they just gave most of it away to someone else?

I’m sorry for the loss of your Godmother@MoneyFromMyGodmother

I think the way your parent went about finding out about the money shows a very grabby side of things tbh. You are under no obligation to share this money. Any more than you would be if you had a high paying salary or a great Christmas bonus from work. Or in fact, if your sister inherited along with her husband from his side of the family.

You need a good stock phrase for dealing with questions about the money like “I wanted it to go to good use so I have invested it for the future”. You don’t need to explain how you are paying for things you may use the money for. If you book a big holiday, you could tell a white lie and say it’s on the credit card or something.

in sorry you’re being put in a hard spot. Try to ride it out.

Your call of course,but I am very close to my sister and would never risk a fallout over money

But would your sister imply that she had some sort of claim on a share of a gift that was given to you?

Excellent point!! Just say this and it isn't right to go against your GM's wishes after she has sadly died. It's a loss for you, her death as you clearly had a lot of contact, the money from her you can use in whatever way you wish and think of her. I'm really sorry for your loss. ♥️

You WOULD be unreasonable to give the money to your sibling and their family.

Here’s the thing, what would you GM say about this? I bet they would want you to use all the money for you and your DC and they would be cross you were being pressured into giving some away.

Keep the money. Spend it as you wish and when your family start to put pressure on you end the conversation/walk away. They are massively unreasonable!

Something that is only dawning on me now is that your mother clearly has her 'golden child' and you're not it @MoneyFromMyGodmother and I think you're dealing with that realisation particularly well.