To not share my inheritance with sibling?

[MoneyFromMyGodmother]

A few years ago, my godmother died and left me some money. Not a huge amount, less than she left her own children but a bit there was also a smaller amount left to my DC (I only have 1) whom GM met multiple times – one of GMs DC is Godparent to my DC. For context until her death I saw GM 2-3 times (both here and where GM lived about 200 miles from me) a year, we video called monthly, and when DC was born GM came to visit us and stayed in a hotel nearby, cooking for us and made DC a toy that they still treasure now.

I have a sibling, who has different godparents to me. To my knowledge sibling has had no contact with their godparents ever. I know at least one of their godparents has also died but they were left nothing.

To me this isn’t my problem, I didn’t expect inheritance from my GM, it was a nice surprise when their DC contacted me and said “Mum left some money for you and (DCs name), can I have the bank details to pay it into?”

My mum, especially, but both parents think it’s unfair and I should split my money between me and sibling and share DCs money with DNs. It would give me half and DC a quarter of what was left to them.

I want to keep it all, but if I do share it, it’ll be mine I share and not DCs (I’ve moved theirs into a 30 day notice access ISA in their name anyway so can’t easily get at it) so I’ll be left with less than 5th of what was left to me.

Like I said it’s not a huge amount, enough for a once in a lifetime holiday, or to clear my debts but not enough to be life changing. Dc received less than me and I will be topping it up before they turn 18 to make it a bit more (once debts are cleared) but it’s still not a huge amount.

If it makes a difference I'm a lone parent (ExH not allowed contact), sibling is married to the other parent of their DC.

AIBU to not share mine and DCs money?

Oh sod that.
Your mum went snooping and now has her nose out of joint.
It was a lovely gesture from your godmother. How kind and a reflection of the effort you both put into your relationship.
Keep the money, it was none of their business.

I think it's really nice of you to consider it. However, you shouldn't share it. Pay off your debt, save for your holiday.

Pay off the debts and then there is nothing to share

Your parents aren't dead yet. There's still time for them to create something to leave to their DC, since this has magically now become a priority. Tell them there's always Only Fans.

One of GMs DC is Godparent to my DC so I have a relationship with that person, it was them who contacted me about the inheritence.

The DC said that GM wouldn't mind what I spent it on as she just wanted me to know that I was an important part of her life.

Unless your sibling needed it, I wouldn't share. And I say this as someone who has helped put my siblings many times financially because they needed it and we weee in a position to help. As a single parent, surely you and DC need it more?

I assume that if your DNs inherit something from an aunt on their father’s side or similar, your mum will be rushing to tell your DSis that they should share with their cousin…??

Anyway, just tell her it’s been spent to support you and your DD.

Please pay off your debts and save for the holiday.

Financial security is priceless.

Of course she didn't need to and nor should she have, but my post was answering a pp who seemed to think that OP had told her parents about the inheritance when, in fact, she hadn't (which you can see from the quote history).

So if you landed a good job, and your sibling was in a lesser paying job, would you have to share the difference in your wages?

If you won some money on the lottery, would you have to share it?

I would have told my mother not to be talking such nonsense, not a hope of me disrespecting my GMs wishes and I won't be discussing the matter again.

And dear God, pay off your debts and save for the holiday. If you pay off your debts you'll have the holiday saved in no time. Your DC will understand that fab holidays have to be saved for. That lesson will be of more benefit to them than any holiday.

Also I think you'll be less likely to be wheedled into giving Dsis any money if it's already spent on the debt OP?

My mum says it's not fair because my sibling won't even inherit anything as parents have literally nothing to their name - they rent, don't drive, have no money or pensions etc.

@MoneyFromMyGodmother and that's your problem because ...? Your parents should have chosen your sibling's godparents more wisely. As my mother often told me, "Life isn't fair".

It was left to you by someone who you had a personal relationship with. Her wishes should be respected, use the money to make a difference to your life. It is what she would have wanted.

People get awful funny when there's money involved. Of course they are unreasonable and no you shouldn't share it. I wouldn't make any excuses either, you don't have to justify why you're more deserving - it is your money and you can do what you like with it.

Pay off some debts and have the holiday. I certainly wouldn't miss the opportunity to make my child's life better in some way after a windfall.

Use this opportunity to stop allowing your family to bully you. No way is this the first thing they have done to try and make you do something that is in their favour.

It is your money. Your child's money. Say no.

She didn't tell her mum about it.

If I was leaving someone money in an inheritance and found out they were planning on sharing it with someone I hadn’t thought about giving money to I would rethink giving them it in the first place.

No you’re not being unreasonable. Your GM wanted you and your DC to have it. If she had wanted your sibling and their DC to have anything she would have left them something too. It’s not your fault that she took her duties as god parent more seriously than your siblings.

Speaking as someone who is probably of your DM's generation, she is absolutely wrong. This is a relationship that has been in place all your life, but you have respected, cherished and cultivated it as an adult, meaning that although your parents put it in place it hasn't been anything to do with them for a long time. I feel that to 'share' the money left to you with your sibling (under pressure) would be disrespectful to the relationship you had. If you chose to give them some of it as a gift, that would be different - but it should be your choice and if you don't see any reason to do it, that's more than fair enough. I'd do the holiday idea and be hugely grateful for the gift your godmother left you. She sounds lovely.

Your DC's Godparent sounds lovely.
Don't miss this opportunity to have another lovely memory of your GM by being conned into giving your inheritance away.
Stand firm.
Spend it on what you want to.

This is easy.

To redirect part of an estate to a new beneficiary you would need a lawyer to draw up a deed of variation to GM’s will. This needs to be completed within 2 years of GM’s death. That ship has sailed.

Otherwise it’s simply gifting money from you to your sibling, which creates tax liabilities on you.

So the answer to DM is, No, and it’s too late anyway isn’t it, to complete legal paperwork, and also I am not creating a transaction that will result in a tax liability on me.

Has your DM considered any of these implications? I’m guessing not, she doesn’t sound like the sharpest tool in the box.

Keep your inheritence. Your godmother wanted you to have it. Your sibling is grabby and entitled, enabled by your mother.

You are going against the wishes of the godmother by sharing it. They are pressuring you to "fix" your sister's feelings and make everybody happy. It is up to your parents to "fix" godparent problem that does not exist.

@MoneyFromMyGodmother OP, it's a no-brainer to pay off your debts NOW with some (maybe all?) of your inheritance. Even the amount earned in a high-interest savings account (5.5%?) will be dwarfed by the APR interest on a credit card which ranges between 0% and 50%, with average credit card charges typically being about 18 or 19%. Obviously I don't know what type of debts you have (credit cards, loans, finance agreements, etc.?) but as long as you have debts where the interest rate charged is significantly higher than your savings interest rate, you are, in reality, losing money the longer those debts remain unpaid (this is basic money management, OP). Once you're no longer paying debt compound interest hand over fist each month, you can put that money away in your savings account to save up for your wonderful holiday and you'll enjoy it all the more knowing you're doing it debt-free. 😃
And never allow your DM to raise this subject with you again - it's simply none of her business.

My mum says it's not fair because my sibling won't even inherit anything as parents have literally nothing to their name - they rent, don't drive, have no money or pensions etc.

So your Godmother should pick up for your parents poor life choices? You DM doesnt get to choose who GMs money goes to. She chose that herself. You have put the effort in with phone calls and contact with GM over the years. If your sibling no longer sees hers then I assume they did not keep up contact.

The DC said that GM wouldn't mind what I spent it on as she just wanted me to know that I was an important part of her life.

This is so lovely, OP. PLEASE don’t feel bullied or badgered into sharing with your sibling. If you decide you want to share it, fine, but it should be your choice — and your choice only — to make. (And FWIW, I wouldn’t share it if I were you.)