To not share my inheritance with sibling?

[MoneyFromMyGodmother]

A few years ago, my godmother died and left me some money. Not a huge amount, less than she left her own children but a bit there was also a smaller amount left to my DC (I only have 1) whom GM met multiple times – one of GMs DC is Godparent to my DC. For context until her death I saw GM 2-3 times (both here and where GM lived about 200 miles from me) a year, we video called monthly, and when DC was born GM came to visit us and stayed in a hotel nearby, cooking for us and made DC a toy that they still treasure now.

I have a sibling, who has different godparents to me. To my knowledge sibling has had no contact with their godparents ever. I know at least one of their godparents has also died but they were left nothing.

To me this isn’t my problem, I didn’t expect inheritance from my GM, it was a nice surprise when their DC contacted me and said “Mum left some money for you and (DCs name), can I have the bank details to pay it into?”

My mum, especially, but both parents think it’s unfair and I should split my money between me and sibling and share DCs money with DNs. It would give me half and DC a quarter of what was left to them.

I want to keep it all, but if I do share it, it’ll be mine I share and not DCs (I’ve moved theirs into a 30 day notice access ISA in their name anyway so can’t easily get at it) so I’ll be left with less than 5th of what was left to me.

Like I said it’s not a huge amount, enough for a once in a lifetime holiday, or to clear my debts but not enough to be life changing. Dc received less than me and I will be topping it up before they turn 18 to make it a bit more (once debts are cleared) but it’s still not a huge amount.

If it makes a difference I'm a lone parent (ExH not allowed contact), sibling is married to the other parent of their DC.

AIBU to not share mine and DCs money?

So does that mean that when your sisters children inherit from their dads side of the family, your mum is going to ask her to share with you and your dc? Your b in law will have to give you part of his inheritance as he is part of the family yes?

I would kindly ask sister will this be the same with her childrens inheritance if they receive any in the future. I would also point this out to your mother who clearly is not looking at you have been kindly left money by your GM, but nearly sees pound signs.

you are a single parent whereas your sister is married! Keep it all for you and your dc to enjoy, it was given solely for you and you should not even engage in such nonsense from your mother

I was left a small amount of money from my Godfather, there was never any talk of my sharing it with my siblings, and no reason why you should. She was your godmother, not theirs. It is your good luck that your GM left you some money, and it is YOURS to do with as you want. That means you get to spend it how you want. I put mine towards something I use regularly and remember him every time I use it.

Sounds like that’s a “them” problem to me. They’re offloading their guilt of inability to provide an inheritance onto you. The audacity of them telling you to do with what you inherited when they are unable to give anything & you struggling as a lone parent when she has double the income. Just say “No, my money, end of”

You had a relationship with your godmother.. you invested time and love which was repaid with a gift to show you were appreciated and that’s wonderful

So you have one income… does mum think your sister should share her double income with you.. thought not. Or any future inheritance that sis or her kids receive will be shared… again probably not

your mum went looking for this information which is shit

you can’t give your daughters inheritance away, it’s hers not yours

so no do not share.. debt or fuck you holiday.. enjoy the sentiment that allowed you to do it

This.
You cannot touch DC's inheritance even if you wanted to, and why the hell does your sibling think they are entitled to anything?
I guarantee they wouldn't be as quick to share if the roles were reversed!

No, I wouldn’t share it. It was left to you.

I think they should be pleased for you being a single parent, not expect a share, do they offer to help you out seeing as your a single parent, I guess not, so no, tell them your using it to pay debts off and for everyday essentials. Nothing to do with them.

Is the GM also a relative?

I don't actually think you need to share anything

Not a relative, the wife of a very close friend of my dads from when he was in the military (he left when I was about 2!), the friend died due to injuries sustained during his time in the military before I was born and dad wanted to stay in touch with his family so made his wife my godmother. One of their DDs is my DCs Godmother.

No. You had a relationship with your godmother. Your sibling probably had no such relationship with her. Your godmother's will reflected what she wanted. Are you seriously supposed to share every financial windfall you ever have with your sibling?

Ask your parents and your brother if they should share some of their salary with you since they have more than you as a single parent/income family since they want act like a family commune?

@MoneyFromMyGodmother you're not 5 years old, you don't have to share with your sibling. Say no. As someone else mentioned, if your godmother wanted your sibling and niece to benefit from her will, she would have left them something.

You absolutely should not share. Very nasty and grabby of them.

As for what to do with it, I’d clear the debt. It’s not very exciting, but imagine how good it will feel knowing it’s dealt with. When I inherited some money from my grandma I used it to pay off money on the house. It sort of felt like she was still taking care of me even though she was gone if that makes sense.

You're not legally permitted to give your child's inheritance away.

Tell your parents that and that you have already spent yours on paying off debt and that you won't be discussing it further.

Shut the conversation down

My DD was left a ring by her GM should she have sold it to share proceeds with her brothers? I think not and her DB’s would certainly not expect it!

Nope, nope and no fecking way. Bratty behaviour from your sister.
Unfortunately I suspect this will be a stick for years to come that they will beat with.

This is bonkers.

The fact that your sibling won't inherit anything is on your parents, not on you. That also means that you also stand to inherit nothing from them.

Look at it this way-if this was your friend and not your GM who passed away and left you and your DC something-would your sibling be entitled to receive a penny of it then?

No? Then, it's the same situation now. Your sibling wasn't mentioned in the Will, presumably had zero relationship with your GM, therefore, isn't entitled to receive a penny.

You can't give any of your DC's inheritance to the DNs, anyway as its not yours to give away.

Enjoy the money. Take the holiday or use it to clear off some debt. Do what you want to do with it-it's yours.

What's your sibling make of this?

Your GM wanted you to have it as you were an important person to her. It's yours plain and simple. Tell your family that you paid off your debts with it and it's no longer available anyway. You can't give away DC money in any case.

Will aren’t online, the probate is online but to see a copy of the will you actually have to pay for the will at £10

Don't share. Your mum is greedy because it's about her slightly favoured child missing out. I bet she wouldn't be asking if it was other way around.

This really reminds me of my situation with my family and siblings as someone said here it’s their sense of entitlement that is eyebrow raising and as everyone here says it’s bonkers to put you in this position as a single parent.

I learned recently to reframe the guilt as sometimes we have been conditioned by family to feel guilty for setting our boundaries.

Tell them that you’re not trying to hurt them but needed to prioritise your financial situation first. If they push, say you can see you aren’t going to agree on the choice but you did what you needed to do.

You need to recondition them to your new bounderies and patterns. Show up differently, is what I learned/read. I had taught my family it was ok to treat me that way.

I have paid for my family since I was 16, gave my student loans, credit cards and overdrafts to them, took out a 10k loans for them when I was in my early 20s. I now pay my parents’ mortgage for them too but I own the house (they recently told me that when my parents die the equity should be split between siblings. On the advice of MNetters (thank you) I clearly said no to them (felt odd and guilty), it resulted in screaming, shouting and bullying but I set some boundaries and continue to do so.

Just curious to know how the initial conversation went when DM found out about the money?
Absolutely don’t share, but obviously your reasoning will depend on what you said in response - if you didn’t say “I’ve already spent it” then it’s probably not believable to say it now.
You shouldn’t have to lie anyway, the idea that you should share your own inheritance is batshit, to suggest you share your DCs too is criminal!

Just them you have already used your share to pay off your debts and that you have a legal and moral duty to safeguard your children's share until they are 18. End of.