Need a OTT message for a goodbye card to nasty colleague.

[WorkRelatedName]

Posting here for traffic.

For the last 4 years, I have worked with an older male colleague who made my working life hell. Long story short, he would gaslight me, take credit for my work and ideas and put me down at any given opportunity which made him look good to others. He is idolised in our department by some, including our line manager, who at the time, would play down my concerns, even with written evidence and screenshots.

Anyway, he has just announced he is retiring and a card is being sent round the team to sign.

I know if I don't sign it, it will look like he has got to me (which he has), but I don't want to give him the satisfaction of that, so I thought of writing something over the top, that to anyone else reading it when signing it, won't see I'm being sarcastic and already counting down the hours until he goes!

Yes this is probably petty, but I know mumsnet is great for things like this to help me with.

How about something along the lines of

Best of luck for your retirement. May your future be as bright as your ability to take the spotlight!

I would be so tempted to write something that is both ambiguous and witty but in reality would just sign my name. No message, sometimes an omission can be more powerful than actual words

Or this! Bravo to @DiscontinuedModelHusband!

Reminds me of the time a psychotic boss got all the staff together in the staffroom, and announced with a benevolent smile, she'd be retiring in 3 months time.
There was a long, long pause. She looked round at all of us expectantly, waiting for the speeches to begin. Eventually she said, "I suppose you're all shocked!" with a rapidly fading smile.
To which one colleague, with a reputation for brown-nosing, reluctantly gave her a half-hearted, "Well... You'll be missed."

As for me, I'd genuinely hated the woman, and when the envelope when round for cash for a retirement gift, I'd gathered 3p in the form of the 3 grubbiest, oldest pennies I could find in my house. Plunged my hand into the envelope, gave it a rattle like I was dropping in a handful, and left my 3p.

I think to think that someone somewhere totted it up and thought "who the fuck gave 3p?! Someone else must hate her as much as me!"

I still keep my ear to the ground so that I can celebrate when I find out that the old bitch has conked.

This.

I once wrote the word NOT on the front of a card that said, ‘ Sorry You’re Leaving’. Still get enormous satisfaction from that one!

When I worked for a large media company a few years ago, the tradition was to add in, at the very last minute ‘Fuck off and don’t steal anything on your way out’ and then the name of the managing director.

Love this. No one would know who wrote it either!

What if he is dying or seriously ill?

Don't be a chump OP. Everyone- except you and another -don't like him-so you're already out of step with most of your colleagues.
Write something stupid and all the others will think, 'what a cow' and you still have to work there.

Just sign Best regards, with your name.

Don't sign at all = Message well and truly sent.

With a smiley face

I’d just write your name but would be tempted for ‘Sorry to hear the news but think you made the right decision’ just to confuse him.

Or your name with a smiley face. Because, you know, you’re happy he’s leaving!

'I'm seriously worried - who else can I find to take credit for all my hard work?'

"I've learned so much from you - the good and the bad (haha!) - and it will certainly be different without you. Best of luck for the future! "

I always like "So long, and thanks for all the fish". Those who understand Hitchhiker's will get the reference to the recipient's intelligence (or lack thereof).

'Good luck having a happy retirement'.

Looks harmless enough at a first read-through.

This! Do not give him any more thought. He's going, that's all that matters.

Have a good laugh with this thread, fantasise about writing some of these excellent suggestions, then sign the card normally and move on.

"See ya.... wouldn't wanna be ya "

Very playground and not at all passive aggressive.

Something to do with the fact this person is old?

Hopefully you can keep dodging that coffin for a good while longer ....

Hopefully you can hand to youre teeth a while longer ....

Sooooo happy to hear you're retiring....regards op

Thumb emoji drawing and bye amd initial

Extra points for spelling name incorrectly

Don't end with best wishes, just regards

Wishing you all the best in your next chapter—may it bring growth and reflection

Petty...

Happy days ahead, says it all.

Don't let the door hit you on the arse on your way out, bawbag.

Pretend it's a joke.