Delivery man using toilet

[Fountofwisdom]

I admit I am a bit of a clean freak at best of times. Can’t bear people wearing shoes inside etc. But really don’t like workmen, etc using my bathroom.

A delivery driver arrived earlier with some kitchen appliances, just delivering, not installing. He asked to use the bathroom and I immediately wanted to say no, as I HATE strangers in my bathroom. But didn’t feel I could refuse.

So he was in bathroom for a minute or so and went on his way. I went in to clean the toilet as I always would, and not only had he used it, but he left a big black pubic hair on the toilet seat 🤮🤮 Absolutely revolting.

Have spent 5 minutes deep cleaning and disinfecting toilet and have put the hand towel in wash because I’m so disgusted.

AIBU to refuse access to my bathroom in future? Or am I over-reacting?

i will have builders in for 2 weeks shortly and obviously they will want to use the bathroom, which I’m not delighted about but can’t be helped. Means I’ll have to clean the toilet every day, but I can’t refuse them using it.

But random delivery men - would you refuse? And what would you say?

There are plenty of people on here who feel it is unacceptable for a delivery driver to ask.

@Dotto And thankfully there are plenty of people in the world who would rather be nice to others in the most basic manner.

You sound like you have severe cleanliness OCD. Toilets are there to be used, and they are dirty and meant to be dirty. Cleaning it after each time a serviceman uses it? Gently, I think you need therapy.

Agree.

It would never cross my mind to deny someone access to the loo, how cruel is that?!

And a pube? So what? Just brush it into the loo and flush it away. It's literally just a hair! Toughen up!

In the nicest possible way, I think you are overreacting by feeling you needed to 'deep clean' the bathroom because of this!

It's really tricky for delivery drivers. My relative is one and tells us that some people do say no and are really rude about it. It's OK to say no to someone whos only at your house for a short time, but do it in a polite way or have a believable excuse ready - like a child in the bath or the cleaners in there etc if you feel awkward just refusing.

Also consider how you'd feel in their situation.

Do you feel the same about 'random' delivery women?

If you're having builders in for any length of time, you'll either need to allow access or you'll have to pay for a porta loo on site. It's in most of their contracts that they need access to running water, electric and toilet facilities, because your home becomes their workplace while the job is happening. By all means, ask them to stick to a downstairs loo and ask them to clean it (provide wipes etc) on their last day!

Thanks for the advice from several people about the upcoming builders. I live in a small block of flats, so they won’t be able to have a portaloo outside or the neighbours would go nuts. However, whilst I don’t like it, I’m more accepting of workmen using the toilet if I’ve built a rapport with them. It’s not in their interests to upset customers, so I find they tend to be considerate if they’re working on an ongoing job.

It’s strange men who I really object to. I don’t know a random delivery driver from Adam, he could be fine, he could be weird, he could be a petty criminal, who knows? I don’t want a strange man in my home, and I certainly don’t want him using an intimate facility.

For a delivery driver I'd say no. I don't know anything about them at all - they may well be checking out my house, they may have very poor hygeine practices.

District nurse i'd say yes. I would know their name, know that they had some semblance of infection control and had been DBS checked.

Totally different things I think. Different risk profiles.

My house is not a public toilet and having seen the mess people leave in public loos, I'm not allowing it to be used that way.

Of course I wouldn't refuse a person needing to use the loo. I think you sound a bit OCD.

So say no then 🤦🏻‍♀️. It isn't that hard.

You have no way of knowing where a delivery driver has on his rounds. Someone who is delivering appliances, as in OP's case, is not likely to be going to a Post Office either. If they are at someone's house making a delivery into the house, asking to use the loo while they are there is not unreasonable. What is unreasonable is saying yes and then complaining about it.

So why should I, as a sexual abuse survivor, for instance, have to be 'nice' to a stranger who wants to access my private bathroom? If it would cause me anxiety and distress?

Why should I, as someone with anxiety, for instance, have to be 'nice' to a stranger who wants to access my private bathroom? If it would cause me distress?

We all have agency and make our own decisions. Other people can obviously conclude that we arw not being 'nice'.

But why should we care what anyone thinks of us anyway? Particularly when they don't have the full picture.

They’re a hell of a lot more “public” than op’s home, though?

Obviously better not to have stranger pubes on your loo but what an overreaction. Wipe it away and done.

I would refuse.

Woman alone at home and letting an unknown bloke into the house - safety risk.
The majority of times I’m sure it would be safe but what’s the difference between inviting a hitch hiker into your car and a stranger into your house? If you wouldn’t do the former, why would you do the latter?

I don't consider the person delivering goods I have ordered and am expecting to be an 'unknown bloke'. They would have some ID.
I am very often alone in my home. Should I call a friend (or a big strong man) to chaperone the person delivering my new sofa or oven?

This is very, very different to picking up a hitch hiker.

Good question. And if I’m honest, yes, I would have been more comfortable if it was a woman for personal safety reasons and because women are generally more considerate. I would still have given the toilet a good wipe-down afterwards, as I do after any visitors.

Hopefully OP will feel more confident saying no, next time.

I'm with you OP, I wouldn't like it either.. I would be deep cleaning too, including taps

I'm houseproud and am funny over germs, but I would NEVER stop anyone from using my toilet. I have bleach and can clean it afterwards.
I'd rather have to clean the toilet an extra time than refuse somebody (who is someone's loved one) the basic courtesy of using my toilet. Imagine how embarrassed they'd feel if they'd been plucking up the courage to ask and you then refused, especially if they're absolutely desperate?

To refuse someone who's doing you a service of some kind and then say "There's a shop/pub etc down the road, you can use" comes across as really arsey and snooty (no pun intended).

I had carpetfitters a few years ago and I was praying one would just go to use my loo because he was emitting constant eggy farts that were making my dogs boak, never mind me.

Seriously though, it's a basic kindness and we all know what it's like to need the toilet desperately.

Have spent 5 minutes deep cleaning and disinfecting toilet and have put the hand towel in wash because I’m so disgusted.

Your reaction is abnormal and disproportionate. He didn't smear shit up your walls for crying out loud.

My best friend was raped by an engineer doing a home visit, despite his having ID and being easily trackable. It didn't get to court because the judicial system is fucked.

And the door handles were disinfected, as well as the toilet.

Christ almighty!

For those that say 'normal bodily function'

Would you clean up their blood, their vomit, their sputum?

Faeces, even small amounts can transmit infection. I would say someone requesting to use loo suddenly is more likely to be unwell gastrically. I would also think self employed delivery drivers are more likely to power on that to stick to rules around diarrhoea and keeping away from people.

Norovirus is rife at the moment. I would not be putting my family at risk of that for some one else's comfort.

I always refuse but what i do is shut the door before anyone arrives and just say ‘sorry ! Someone is having a shower’

100% agree. A nurse, health visitor, care worker etc, yes. Totally different relationship and risk profiles as you say.

I’d still do an anti bacterial wipe down after ANY visitor used my toilet though. Basic hygiene.

I'd be keeping a bucket of water handy for next time, dirty gits.

Just to let you know, norovirus isn't killed by anti bac wipes, you would need bleach spray