Delivery man using toilet

[Fountofwisdom]

I admit I am a bit of a clean freak at best of times. Can’t bear people wearing shoes inside etc. But really don’t like workmen, etc using my bathroom.

A delivery driver arrived earlier with some kitchen appliances, just delivering, not installing. He asked to use the bathroom and I immediately wanted to say no, as I HATE strangers in my bathroom. But didn’t feel I could refuse.

So he was in bathroom for a minute or so and went on his way. I went in to clean the toilet as I always would, and not only had he used it, but he left a big black pubic hair on the toilet seat 🤮🤮 Absolutely revolting.

Have spent 5 minutes deep cleaning and disinfecting toilet and have put the hand towel in wash because I’m so disgusted.

AIBU to refuse access to my bathroom in future? Or am I over-reacting?

i will have builders in for 2 weeks shortly and obviously they will want to use the bathroom, which I’m not delighted about but can’t be helped. Means I’ll have to clean the toilet every day, but I can’t refuse them using it.

But random delivery men - would you refuse? And what would you say?

As is eating food and sleeping but I presume you don't make them lunch and let then have a lie down.

Have you had time goals which reduce your already very poor pay if you miss them too?

Nobody has ever asked me from those categories, so I don’t think it’s that much of an issue. But I don’t need to ‘be assertive’ if I don’t have a problem, do I?

YANBU no they’re in a van they can stop at the nearest publicly available loo.

Yes I'm very good at time management and would plan toilet breaks and meal breaks into my day without relying on people being unable to decline my request to use their facilities.
Some men are just hopeless and seem unable to think as they drive past a loo that oh hang on I may need a wee shortly.

Well no. She wasn’t at risk, was she? He didn’t do anything even remotely threatening.
What’s relevant is someone who can’t use her own loo without first disinfecting it if friends and family have used it. It’s not proportional.

Maybe try remembering your username when you spout nonsense like this.

You have entirely missed the point.

Daft argument. People can bring/buy food to eat at their convenience, and (one assumes and hopes) he sleeps at the appropriate time at home, but you can't not use the loo if you need to and it doesn't necessarily happen to a schedule.

i give them biscuits. They bring their own lunch. Sleeping doesn’t typically happen during the work day.

No, I think you have.

I don’t think it’s wrong to not want strangers to use your loo especially if it’s in the one bathroom where you bathe, shower, clean your teeth etc. it’s your house, your rules. We just said to our builders that it was too disruptive for us to have them use our loo and left it at that. The plumber, tiler, plasterer team who did our bathroom couldn’t use the loo because it was taken out at the start of the job. We only have 1. So we organised 2 portaloos, one for us and one for them. You don’t want a queue situation if there are a few people working on your project. You can even get a portable loo and tent on Amazon. The guys working for us all said it’s very normal to not use customers’ loos/bathrooms and that they all have emergency “facilities” in their vans as standard and/or just go up the road to the pub, supermarket, cafe etc during a break. Don’t feel embarrassed to mention it up front when hiring tradespeople and it is only fair to let them know what to expect in advance with this. No experienced builder is going to push back on it. If they do cop an attitude over it, you may want to think twice about using them.

I don't like strangers using my restroom, but I don't think I could refuse, especially after personally experiencing some health issues that demand immediate access to the loo, from time to time. I'd clean afterwards and try to forget that an 'outsider' had been in there, but unless I suspected them of something worse than just desperately needing the toilet, I couldn't refuse.

You don't know tyat she wasn't at risk do you, he s a stranger. A delivery man. I can tell you now if I was at a public loo and a man waltzed into the ladies must if not all would ne unimpressed.

Why are some women so naive to just wave any Tom Dick or Harry into their home?!

Delivery drivers are given very tight schedules and wouldn’t necessarily have time. I’m amazed you aren’t aware of this. It’s a scandal.

I'm like you OP. I'd never say no but I'd also scrub the loo after. If I saw a pube, I'd retch.

He was clearly overstepping boundaries. She told him to leave the boxes at the door. She did not say he could go into her property.
He went into it anyway!
Without permission!!

How exactly was she supposed to know if this is a nice guy needing a wee or a rapist. How exactly can anyone tell! It’s not written on their foreheads.

@SerafinasGoose your post is excellent advice. Never let random strangers in the house as we simply do not know what might happen. Once the worst has happened it’s too late and no amount of ‘be kind’ is going to make that experience go away.

Yes, he did. He ignored and trod right over her boundaries. That is threatening. On this occasion it didn't result in serious consequences. In other, precisely similar scenarios, it has. Read the examples in de Becker.

I couldn't disagree more strongly with your point that this is the triviality whilst the serious issue at stake here is OP's disinfecting habits.

The reality is it's entirely the other way round.

Well, he didn’t do anything so I think we can conclude he wasn’t a risk. I’m not prepared to live my life distrusting everyone.
And anyway, his ‘safety’ or her gut feeling weren’t the point of the post it was about him leaving a pube in her toilet and her unreasonably excessive reaction to that. Don’t try to make it about something else.

No, it’s definitely you.
How can you say categorically that op wasn’t at risk?
She didn’t let him in. You have no idea what would have happened if she had.
Most probably nothing untoward, but we can’t ever know that in advance.

Ignore all that, she did let him in 🤦‍♀️
I still maintain the risk is real.

Oh ffs. No he didn’t. He asked if he could use her loo and she said yes. Sounds like he wasn’t massively polite about it, but there was no boundary stomping. Don’t be ridiculous.

We just had some work done on the outside of the house. Three days in a row they rocked up at 8:30, asked to use the loo, did a really stinky 💩. 2 days it was one guy, the third day it was main chap and then his son! I've gotta say completely grim. Even the first day it was grim but I could understand getting caught out. Three days, and two of you, clearly on purpose. Did not book them for any more work!

' i don't like strangers using my restroom, but I don't think I could refuse'

Yes, yes you can! Your home is the number one safe space. Anybody coming in, using your loo should surely be someone you know. Surely.

I'm not saying all men are predators, maybe some are just unable to plan their toilet breaks effectively but don't let them in just because you feel pressured to.

Because nothing happened. He delivered something. He asked to use the loo. She said yes. He used the loo. She freaked out about a hair.
What do you mean she didn’t let him in? The whole point is that she did.