To think academic success is 90% of the time down to the parents

[TameSacha]

Sparked by a conversation I had at the school gates last week about how another parent wouldn’t be bothering with half term homework (which was making a collage).

I have DS8 and DD6. I read with each of them daily (they read to me and vice versa, takes about ten minutes per child), we do five minutes on their maths apps each day, and things like times tables songs in the car. We try to do at least one educational trip a term that matches with what one of them is learning about (think looking at and drawing a bridge or going to the local museum for Victorians, not going to Egypt for Egyptians). I read their syllabus each term so we can talk about the topics at home.

To me this is a perfectly normal part of child-rearing and supports the education they get at school, where underpaid teachers are on crowd control with thirty kids, some of whom don’t want to or aren’t able to learn.

AIBU to think it’s a parent’s responsibility to support their child’s learning outside of school?

You*

I know everything I did was by myself - you don't get parent's writing essays or coursework for you at boarding school!

Well, no. But presumably what you do get is 1) structured time to do work and an expectation that you do it 2) suitable space and any resources you need 3) small classes and personal attention from teachers.

So to say "everything I did was by myself", drawing a contrast with people with a standard state school education and averagely supportive parents seems a bit disingenuous! I don't think anyone is suggesting that parent's writing essays/coursework is either normal or desirable.

I did teach, I now don’t. I work in a pastoral / send / safeguarding role.

But you’re absolutely right. Nothing I say is of any value at all because typo on a sun lounger.

No I did well at school and my parents took no interest at all, in fact one of them tried to sabotage all my good opportunities . It made me try harder in the hope they took some notice , it was all down to me and the school and nothing to do with any family

This is such a well researched area that most of the best papers end up in nature. This is a fairly digestible and shortish review.

"The heritability of intelligence increases from about 20% in infancy to perhaps 80% in later adulthood"

(heritability is the amount of variance explained by genetics)

Genetics and intelligence differences: five special findings | Molecular Psychiatry

Thank you for sharing this. There is an entire literature on this (e.g., identical twins separated at birth), and it consistently shows how powerful genetics are in these instances.

I agree that academic success is very much influenced by the parents but not for the reasons you posit @TameSacha

I am a single mother of a 10 year old and a 6 year old. I work full time as a senior lawyer. I have genuinely never done any homework with either of them. I get home, make dinner and get them to bed - generally far too late. I read DD6 a bedtime story. I don’t think I’ve ever tested the kids on spelling or worked through a maths equation. We live in NZ and homework expectations are pretty lax, I don’t know if that’s a cultural thing our school specific.

However they come from a privileged middle class home full of books, have two university educated parents, have travelled the world, go to lovely comfortably middle class schools with other privileged children, never have to worry about being cold or hungry or whether the next electricity bill will be paid. They have won the jackpot of life. Their mother’s sub-standard homework supervision is irrelevant.

Also like earlier posters, my parents took zero interest in supporting my academic career (except to say “I prayed for that” when I achieved something 🤪), my mum didn’t even know what I studied at uni. I’ll give them the credit for the genetics and the general advantages that a white middle class life confers!

Making collages in the school holidays in order to teach kids the have to do whatever homework the teacher sets, no matter how pointless it is? Fuck that. I took my kids to Rome instead - DC1 is hoping to start archaeology at uni this autumn. DC2 is aiming at engineering, specifically with an ambition to work in the space industry. Took them to NASA in Houston, but also any easier to reach exhibits and open days (just missed out on a ballot to go to the Diamond Light Source at Harwell - European Space Agency is based here.)

There are a lot of ways to be an engaged parent, but sneering at others for their different ways IS smug. I don’t judge you if you want to do the collage. But don’t go out of your way to criticise the parenting by those who think it’s pointless. They could be doing all manner of stuff with their kids you’ve got no idea about. And in some sad cases, they could be dealing with all manner of life shit that means they just don’t have the bandwidth to waste on a collage, and the fact that their children is fed, cared for and at school every day is all they can manage atm.

Well done on your superior parenting skills. I hope they have also learned humility.

I think a large chunk of is are middle-class parents wanting their children to go to university despite the fact that they are neither mature or capable enough. I agree with you completely on letting them find their own way. I do have some students who are outstanding at 20, but for others 25 might be the best time for them to go to university, and some others it may never be suitable.

Anyway, back to the point of the thread, parents can spend as much time or money as they like trying to give their children an edge, but it just isn't translating to more capable HE students.

The biggest difference you can make is get pregnant by the smartest guy you can!

Hmm not sure I agree. Dh parents both left school at 16 and were vaguely supportive but quite clueless. Dh first in their extended family and is just extremely driven and got himself to Cambridge with the help of some amazing teachers at his comp. I still don’t think his parents fully appreciate how well he did! Also seen very cosseted teens crash and burn academically.

Yeah I agree helm! My two lovely friends were eye rolling at their kids lack of academic interest compared to my little studious one and one muttered to the other “our fault really for procreating with estate agents not solictors” 😀

My parents were fairly well educated - both made it into medical school, one qualified and specialized, one dropped out. My mother taught me to read way before I started school, but other than that they were utterly neglectful. We were practically self-reared. But we went to good schools, our home had tons of books, my parents watched documentaries and read non-fiction and we were exposed to opposing ideologies and viewpoints. There was simply an expectation that we would get on with our homework, study hard etc and we did. Both siblings have post-graduate degrees and we have done very well professionally, but I think the independence that we learned early on has a lot to do with it.

My youngest two kids are super smart, but we have never done anymore than the usual don’t forget to do your homework, never any pressure. DD got 12 x grade 9’s in her GCSE’s last year. For both the pressure to succeed came from within, never any pressure to revise etc from myself or my ex partner.

I have noticed that both ours mirror us in where we are stronger academically. Don’t know whether this is nurture or nature. Home school was pretty lop sided in our house!

Fucking hell I‘d forgotten about the Great Plague. The first 2 years of DS’ education was covid induced home (non) schooling. DD was 2-3 and started speaking with an American accent from watching so much Netflix.

Most of children’s innate intelligence is genetic I think, so yabu to attribute 90% of academic success to home environment. Of course home environment can have a huge impact on how that intelligence (or lack thereof) translates into academic success, but all the homework help and reading in the world won’t help a child of below-average intelligence to soar academically. Conversely, bright and curious children often do well academically even in home environments where parents aren’t particularly involved. This is especially true when they come from
families with a lot of cultural, social, and economic capital.

Because they won't bother with a collage?

I was ready to agree with you but a sheet of paper with shit stuck on it? I wouldn't bother either unless they were desperate to do it themselves.

If it was reading, maths, revision and beneficial homework then of course it needs to be done and the studies are quite clear that encouraging extra curricular work helps children succeed.

Obviously creating a culture where you value learning at home is very beneficial, I'm just a bit taken aback at the judgement from not bothering with a collage... some perspective needed maybe.

I work 45 hours a week with a 1/12 hour each way commute as a single parent to a primary age child.

I do this as the salary my job provides give us security however this means I am very time poor.

I don't sit and do homework everyday with my child. I use our time together to play and the weekends spent on enrichment experiences such as museums and visiting historical/cultural and educational places.

I don't feel I am disrespecting teachers nor do I feel guilty. I know that with my time and choices, I am providing the best outcome for my child that I can right now.

Your post smacks of "everyone has the same 24 hours" - no we don't.

Not all parents are natural parents and some really struggle with the basics and juggling the plates. Not all people are dealt the same hand in life and you are incredibly short sighted to put it down to lazy parenting

it's more useful and beneficial for everyone to teach them to prioritise, and work efficiently.

Work hard enough at school during the lesson? If you reach greater depth already, then you're good. Don't read like a parrot, anyone can read the words, but understand what you're reading and be able to have a discussion about it.

The majority of primary school kids are very compliant, homework are not a huge deal, but it's the best time to awake their interests in sports and activities outside the house. That pays off so much more when they're teenagers.

I agree. It's more about putting the child in the best position to be able to learn. And yes, that's discipline, concentration, prioritisation, workload management, planning, how to research, critical thinking, analysis, etc. Personally, I think those skills are more important that "what" you learn. With skills in "how" to learn and "how" to work/study efficiently, you're going to have a much broader range of transferrable life skills which you can use in the home, hobbies, school or workplace. Even more important these days with the ever-changing job market, the disappearance of "jobs for life", AI, and the internet providing everything you could possible need to know at the touch of a smart phone screen.

As I wrote some of the research on this topic, I'd guess I've read far more than most, possibly including you