To think academic success is 90% of the time down to the parents

[TameSacha]

Sparked by a conversation I had at the school gates last week about how another parent wouldn’t be bothering with half term homework (which was making a collage).

I have DS8 and DD6. I read with each of them daily (they read to me and vice versa, takes about ten minutes per child), we do five minutes on their maths apps each day, and things like times tables songs in the car. We try to do at least one educational trip a term that matches with what one of them is learning about (think looking at and drawing a bridge or going to the local museum for Victorians, not going to Egypt for Egyptians). I read their syllabus each term so we can talk about the topics at home.

To me this is a perfectly normal part of child-rearing and supports the education they get at school, where underpaid teachers are on crowd control with thirty kids, some of whom don’t want to or aren’t able to learn.

AIBU to think it’s a parent’s responsibility to support their child’s learning outside of school?

They set a specific reading homework.

We don’t do it.

Ever.

I think it just shows a lot of disrespect for the teachers to be honest, and it’s not uncommon. It’s not hard or time-consuming for the parents, it hugely helps the children, so why wouldn’t you do the recommended homework?

We haven't done the half term homework because we are off skiing. For some parents it is time consuming. My kids often get set maths that is very easy for them, they get more value from practising their musical instruments or playing chess with me than they do from mindlessly practising times tables they already know backwards, on a tablet app.

Maybe your kid enjoys it. Mine don’t

For the average child I completely agree with you OP and afaik I think multiple studies have confirmed this- or certainly the part about young kids who regularly read with their parents doing better educationally even in the longer term, hence why most schools encourage it so much.

An exceptionally bright AND motivated child may do well regardless and equally a child who really struggles with reading, writing or maths may lag behind even with parental help and encouragement .But it’s definitely a big bonus, even in those situations.

ETA: I wouldn’t stress too much about “homework” as such in primary school though, imo reading things they enjoy with your kids should be the priority at this stage.

I think it’s very common for kids to learn more about reading from reading non-school books than school books. Eg comic books like The Beano, joke books, computer games, even the Sky TV guide episode synopsis of a programme to see if it’s one they like. I suspect that your dd learned more from the non-school books and enjoyed them more.

Having a mum who can source non school books is a luxury these days as people are time poor and can’t scour charity shops and libraries. Your dd is very lucky

You very clearly do think you do an amazing job, OP. It was the entire point of your post. You have no idea what may be going on in other people's lives that mean they aren't able to read with their children every day. And it's none of your business either. Why don't you bore off with your judgey pants

All the research shows that doing homework at junior school does not affect their academic performance.

My son's highly rated primary school in a very affluent area has recently taken a policy decision not to set homework anymore.

If you want to do extra learning with your kids, crack on. But it doesn't mean those who are not doing extra formal learning for very young children are doing anything wrong.

And its ridiculous to think not doing a collage with your kids will in any way effect their life success.

If it was the Percy Parker ones they are fun.

Songs alone weren't enough for my younger to to pick up time tables - they needed lots and lots of practise with different types of sums - which we did at home - though once they got them they were instant in reponse.

It’s not the parents who support the school we want to smack. It’s the one who encourage they’re children to go home and make disparaging comments about their peers. The ones who are smug and judge other parents.

Are you really suggesting I take my children to a hotel room and direct they do homework? Don’t be ludicrous. But also school my kids are at don’t set homework like that. Because they know it doesn’t impact outcomes.

The most important homework is reading from a young age. I think that has an absolutely huge impact on outcomes. Clearly some posters don’t consider that as homework even though the school does.

In a house where people read, no, it's not homework because it's a natural thing to do. Kids would read regardless.

Some people watch tv, some read, some do both. Nothing to do with the school.
No one thinks they deserve a medal for having books at home and having kids who read apart from you it seems.

I would say it's down to parents but not necessarily in the ways you decide. We did all that with our DC at that age but now as teenagers they are totally disinterested and unmotivated academically. When I look at friends with high achieving kids, parents are also high achievers. They are all doers, hugely motivated in all areas of their lives and model a very strong work ethic. In comparison we are really quite lazy and I know this has rubbed off on my kids. Quiet weekend - we'll doss around, going out for a walk, cook some dinner, get some basic chores done but not much else. I'll speak to my 'doer' friends and they'll be busy in the garden or round the house all weekend on some big project, running a marathon or something else equally exhausting. There's no procrastination & the concept of doing nothing is really quite alien. By 50ish, they have reached the top of their game and are driven to succeed whereas we prioritise relaxing and spending time together over money and careers. It's not all roses and some of them seem bloody miserable to me but success in the conventional sense doesn't come from a lazy sunday under a duvet!

I’m not claiming my kids are the smartest (or that I am) but that supporting their school work at home benefits them.

For example, SS has weekly spellings. We practice three or four times a week and he usually gets nine correct out of ten by the time he does the test at school. The words are either on a theme or related to a class topic. We use each word in a sentence and use them in conversation through the week. One week we weren’t able to practice and he got four out of ten. I do believe that learning to spell effortlessly, expanding his vocabulary and articulacy, and having adult conversations about his syllabus benefits him hugely. If people disagree with me, that’s fine. It is AIBU, after all!

Interesting thread here!

I'd have to agree that parents input makes a HUGE difference!

From my experience - I had no support from parents ( single parent family and early bereavement)

I skipped school, left with no gcse's and now in my 30s I have gone back to school. You know what it's bloody hard! Enjoyable to learn. I can only think how different my life would have been if I had supportive parents who encouraged education.

Well done to you! @TameSacha

I would love more ideas for days out you have been on to support the curriculum?

My DC is in reception, she reads to us every night, we read to her and we practice her handwriting/ sentences . We have done an optional project each half term since she started. At the moment the teacher just asks that they read to parents at least 3 times per week.

We will of course do homework once it is set and will do the optional projects if she wants to (she loves doing them at the moment as loves learning).

I really wouldn't be getting into those kinds of conversations with your DS even if it is quite tempting. How does he know the family don't read at home, do maths, has someone told him that?
I'd be a little concerned as well as this young age that is so apparent who is and who is not doing homework. I don't think a teacher should be broadcasting that as it is not usually the child's fault.

A child getting a good start definitely relies on the parent.....

• Respecting teachers and education
• Giving children a headstart by teaching letters and numbers before reception
• Daily reading a story to a child, and a house full of books
• Parents reading regularly for pleasure sets an example to children
• Insisting on homework being done on time
• Providing a quiet space in which to concentrate

But judging a parent or child who doesn't complete one half term project is pretty arrogant & judgmental. Maybe parent or child have been poorly. Maybe they have had to move house or are coping with a home circumstance that makes doing homework difficult. Maybe that child is very tired and needs a break.

You could try being a bit kinder and more supportive, and teach your child to do the same.

Oh dear, be careful of being too smug in these early years. Plus judging others as 'lazy' is not good - you really know very little about other people's lives.

You've got a long way to go until you get to age 18 and sometimes the kids who have been allowed/encouraged to develop intrinsic motivation have a better outcome than those with more directive parents.

Overall it is proven that parental support is very valuable, but the nature of 'support' varies widely.

YANBU that parents need to help kids with their homework
YABU for being judgmental about other parents and for bragging about yourself and your kids. We're not in the States.

My relative struggled massively at school himself and is now a single parent to a young teenager, he works full time and then a part time evening job on top (through choice) his son is behind academically, he improved a bit with some tuition but they’ve stopped it. I don’t think he has ever had any help with homework. My relative can’t seem to grasp the importance of prioritising getting an education. I have friends who are academic and fully engaged with their children and two children I can think of really struggle with Maths and are behind.

Again, you are supporting your child who needs it, good for you.

I have never practiced the spelling with my kids, they got 10 out of 10 because they only had half a page of new words if that.

The way you are dealing with your kid benefits him, but the point we are all making is that what WE are doing doing benefit our kids just the same. No need for homework, they're doing fine without and they do other things on the side.

Generally speaking, I agree with you.
I think the most important thing you can do is encourage your dc to value education, support their interests, instil a strong work ethic and get them interested in the world.
Encouraging them to read is a big part of this, as well as taking them out for both fun and education.

Exactly this.

I'm betting I do at least 50% more homework with my son than you do. Twice a day. And I'm also betting it is 80% harder for him to access the work with me and also at school due to his ADHD than for your children.

Am I smug? Am I fcuk. It's a struggle but one that I have to undertake.

@TameSacha exactly it benefits THEM. You are parenting your children by looking at their needs and adapting (I would hope) your parenting around that whilst retaining your overall parenting ethos.

Cant you see that although some may be lazy others are simply looking at what benefits and helps their children and their needs by adapting around them - and this approach doesn’t suit everyone

DS is amazing with spelling - doesn’t need to practice merely look at them can get 6+ out of 8 at least and often 8.

DD is awful at spelling and spelt led wrong (as lead) in her history mocks. No amount of practice would do anything but disrupt her mocks. She lives with it

Next time you do spellings with him, you might want to be aware that the verb in UK English is “practise” not “practice”. Cos it would be a shame if all your diligent learning support ended up with him getting lower marks…

I wonder if when her kid came home with those horrible judgments she used it as an opportunity to do some homework on empathy or just wrote their parents off as lazy?