To not want to babysit partner's nephews?

[zozooo]

Me and OH have 2 kids ranging from a 16 month old and a 3 month old.

The family dynamics in OH side is very unusual to say the least.
OH says himself "it's a cold family" as in they don't really see each other or do family events etc.

Anyway he is close to 1 of his siblings and this sibling has multiple children with various people.
I find the sibling very strange in the fact that they have not attempted to make any kind of effort with me in the decade that I have been with OH.
I have maybe met them a handful of times.

Anyway the sibling has young children who are 2 and 4 and has now asked OH to ask me to babysit.

I find this quite rude and cheeky seeing as I have never even met these kids before (OH had met them a handful of times).

I am very fortunate that I work from home and hours that suit me and I can be at home with the kids, we have recently moved to a larger property so obviously this sibling expects us me to baby sit frequently and do sleeps overs so that they can go out clubbing.

I have told OH I'm not doing that as it's like using someone.

Baring in mind this sibling has only seen out kids two times, doesn't really make the effort.

OH has gone out of his way to see his nephews but isn't reciprocated by the sibling.

Of course I want my kids to have a relationship with their cousins but I think this sibling needs to make more of an effort.

I has told OH if he wants to babysit he can but not to expect me to get involved.

AIBU?

The sibling gets very tired so wants to go clubbing? That doesn’t make an ounce of sense.

He has these two children just once a week but instead of valuing every second with them and preparing for their care, he wants to farm them off to a total stranger he and they have never met? That doesn’t make sense either.

Does the mother of these two children know about his plan to off load her little ones on to a stranger she has never met before with two young babies of her own.

It sounds to me as if your partner, in an effort to keep ties with, and please his brother has offered you up for this job as if he owns you and as if you have no say in the matter.

Unless it’s a genuine emergency, have no part in this OP. It is just wrong. Stand your ground.
Quite apart from the fact you must be exhausted yourself, it is such poor judgement from the two brothers who show such little care themselves, for these two little children.

If your partner has recognised that his brother is too irresponsible to look after his nephews, he must either speak up and help his brother care for them properly or simply get on with it himself. But I would remind him that he has his own two babies to care for first.

Two kids isn't a range of kids

Yanbu generally.

If it would suit you to set up a reciprocal arrangement where they babysit yours just as often that wouldn't be using you but you are quite right to reject the idea that you should provide this service free without reciprocity.

No no no

The brother couldn't look after a sneeze, never mind kids.

OP, stand your ground.

OP has no right to offer you up like a housemaid. His brother can source childcare and DP can learn your boundaries.

I'd be furious.

Stick to BIFF
Brief, Informative, Factual and Friendly - don't start going in there all "you don't do this, you can't say that" - it'll just engage argument. If DP wants an argument, let him have one with his brother.

He has 6 kids (definitely a range), two of which are involved in this request.

I've just come up with a brilliant plan! He could go clubbing on Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night, Monday night, and Tuesday night.

Yanbu. If your husband/partner thinks you should babysit then HE can do it. No way, put your foot down.

What a pisstake

Your DP and his brother are both CFs. You don’t need to make excuses for why you won’t take the kids - and don’t because they find ways of weaseling round them. Remember that ‘No’, is a complete sentence. ‘No, that doesn’t work for me’, if you’re feeling polite.

DP says as I work from home at hours to suit me he didn't think I would mind

Your DP is being a bloody chancer! I'd be far more cross with him than the brother who sounds like a knob no matter which way you look at him.

Presumably you love and live with your DP and would hope he'd have your back-does him behaving like this suprise you?!

I see this is Schrödinger’s childcare in action, where looking after young kids can simultaneously be so easy for a woman that it’s actually outrageous she won’t take on four under 4 at the drop of a hat, but far too hard for a man, BIL, to actually look after his own two kids once a week.

Ah, the magic of the XX chromosome strikes again!

I don't follow your DPs logic. It's too much for his brother to take his own kids after driving around, and too much for your partner after his long work day...but you should be able to arrange/get all your work done and then watch his children at no real extra effort?

I'd be pissed at both of them, but mostly your DP. He thought it would be fine for you to add two extra kids to everything you're already juggling, and expected you to reshuffle your own day to accommodate his brother? Fuck that.

I would tell your DP to tell his brother that he should try looking after his kids all day, every day for a week, and then he'll know what tiredness is.

If you're feeling generous, direct him to sitters.co.uk or similar. As all women and most men know, outsourcing your kids is trickier and more expensive than playing "spot the nearest random female".

No of course not and you most definitely need to stick to your guns. The mother is expecting the children's father to have them, not you. Even though it's only one day a week it could easily turn into more and it's a lot of responsibility, plus you'd be going from looking after 2 to 4 kids which is a lot and definitely does change the dynamic.

You have a cf for a bil but your dh is no better either.

Wow so someone who barely knows you but aware you have a baby and a toddler wants you to babysit their very young children?
Not fair on any of the dc especially the nephews and not fair on you.
Regardless of the relationship it’s too many young children for you to look after.
SiL is a CF

I would do it for a close family member if they were struggling. But you're not close at all, and he's outsourcing his commitment to you! Why did he accept to do every Wednesday, if he doesn't want to?! If you commit, you're going to be stuck doing Wednesdays for the next few years! Also have a word with your husband! He isn't supposed to volunteer you, without asking you! Your husband and should have said, "sorry I can't because I'm working." If his brother mentioned you then the right thing to say would be, "you can ask her, but she works too". That way he'd either message you, and you'd nip it in the bud. Or he'd leave it. Sounds like your husband's agreed you'd do it?! Can you send him a direct message saying that it's not possible. That way your husband's badgering can end. A side note, he has abandoned 6 children from various women! He seriously cannot keep making babies when he cannot cope with the contact hours?! He really really needs a vasectomy!!!

Yeah no.

Wow, what a CF BiL! I feel very sorry for those children who he can’t even be bothered to look after for one evening a week. And instead he wants to load them off on you so he can go clubbing and make more children he gives no shits about with more women.

I mean, you’ve said it all yourself OP, but that’s the biggest no way imaginable.

I can’t believe the audacity of asking someone with 2 babies to then babysit 2 more kids, especially aged 2 and 4 who you don’t even know. Dickhead behaviour. And your husband is no better for getting into an argument with you about it. I like to think my husband would tell me about this request in the context of him already saying no fucking way and that would be the end of it.

He doesn't live with his kids, possibly doesn't see them that often and wants to 'bin them off' when it suits him, to someone who doesn't know the child/ren. How distressing for the kid to be left with a stranger (no offence)& distruptive for you! Absolutely not!!

I would be much more concerned about your boyfriend causing trouble with you because you said no. I think there is more to this than meets the eye.

No sane boyfriend would ask this of his current girlfriend. Is your boyfriend beholden to his brother for something?

If a once only I might give it a go.

No way would it be a one-off. No way.

Yep - OP has said that BIL wants her to cover every Wednesday!!

of course, if it was a one off because MIL was ill and BIL needed cover, that might be different, but it's just a bad case of entitlement from BIL

No, no, no! What an awful excuse for a father (and brother/BIL). Please don't agree to this, even 'just once'. I wouldn't care if he cut me off, he's never cared anyway.